To get married?

[Sophieelmer]

To get married in secret, then send out an announcement to friends and family afterwards that says, "with a young family we couldn't justify the cost of a wedding, but would love to celebrate with you over a glass of bubbly when we next meet'?

Entirely reasonable: its your day, your decision.

I'd hope that you would drop the apology, as in with a young family we can't afford it..... On its own, the sentiment that you hope to celebrate with them next time you meet up is a lovely idea.

That would have me wondering whether you were throwing a post-wedding party or whether you just meant you wanted to have individual drinks with friends whenever you next saw them.

And tbh, I wouldn't send out a card justifying why I didn't have a wedding - you don't owe anyone an account of your financial priorities!

But YANBU of course to marry without making it a big event - it's what we did, only we didn't make any announcements, or even get around to telling people, for months because it was a busy time in both our lives.

My parents did this when I was younger; shipped us kids off for a week with our granny and got married in secret.
Told us all a few weeks later. From memory, everyone was happy and supportive and understood the reasons (same as yours really).
There's never been any resentment although I do recon mum owes me a bridesmaid dress

I feel like I need to justify it because if money was no consideration, this wouldn't be our choice, but I see your points.

We will have our children with us. But that's it I think

I too wouldn't justify it. I would find it odd.

If you're just planning on telling people after and not having a party I would just tell them next time you spoke/saw each other

I would only send a card or something if you're organising a party/drinks thing for everyone to get together. And then it would be an annoucement/invite

do what you want.

but unless you're inviting them to a party/for drinks, the cards seem a bit odd.

As nomoneyhoney says up thread. Why justify it? Send out a card just to let people know. My friends did this - got married just the two of them then sent a photo round to everyone of them just after they got married to say 'Hey, we did it!'.

You may well get pestered to have a party, and, honestly, if you can, I would. It's a nice thing to do - even if it's a Saturday afternoon with some fizz and cakes and whoever can make it!