To be offended when people assume my lifestyle is down to DH's earning power?

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I only work a few hours a week and I don't earn much, it's true.

But, the reason I'm able to do that is not because I married a big earner. DH works hard and earns a reasonable wage, but nothing exceptional. I was the higher earner before DC.

The reason we live like we do is because I had a flippin' good job for 15 years, because I managed our money so that we lived well within our means during that time(DH would have spent everything) which means that we don't have a mortgage or any other debt and that we have savings and investments that mean we can manage quite well on one fairly ordinary salary.

Also, of course, there's the old story of the fact that DH can only do what he does because I have everything under control at home.

I know we're very fortunate but I have and do contribute just as much to our financial situation as DH does.

YANBU.
Imo people think that everybody has a life similar to them so for those who had children in early 20's it is easy to forget that others have worked 15-20yrs before children.
In my postnatal group we were all 40 or over and North London lol. I was the poorest one, all the others have made a fortune before they had children so they didn't live off their dhs.
It is funny that people find it normal that a 35 or 40 yrs old man has money and property but they express disbelieve about a single woman who has made money and bought property. You would think it is illegal in uk for single women to own properties and bussiness!

I've had this a lot. My DH is the major wage earner at the moment. When we were much younger, We decided that when we had dcs, the one earning the least would become the Sahp. At that time, it was me,( by about £500 a year) Since then, I have worked outside the home when it was better for our family for me to do so and not if it was better for me to stay at home. My DH has always said he values what I do when I do not have a separate job. We are a unit.
However, my mil, who I ordinarily get on really well with, recently accused me of sponging off DH. I wasn't impressed. and told her so and neither was DH. If it wasn't for me, DH wouldn't be able to do what he does, nor would our family have the savings we have. he's a spendthrift.
Op, I could have written your post. YADNBU

I couldn't be bothered being offended. People only make snide comments if they think they can get at you. Nobody makes comments to me (about money/pregnancy/children/lifestyle/diet/etc) because they probably know it would be fruitless in getting a dig at me. Or maybe they do and I don't care enough to notice. In any case it's the same outcome. Nobody has the ability to offend me.

YANBU. It irritates me when people assume that during my years as a single mother I've claimed benefits, and I do find it offensive that people think I had children that I couldn't afford. It just seems really small minded to jump to conclusions that are so easily inaccurate.

I actually think it's a much bigger issue. It comes down to the assumption that the person working is the person "in control" of the family, the home, the finances. And yes, that's offensive. Because in a good healthy relationship, who is earning and who is doing other things is irrelevant if both partners are contributing in a meaningful way. And similarly, in many ways, those financial contributions go in swings and roundabouts.

DH is DS' primary carer and while he does earn, I earn about 90% of our income. And yet, he'll go out with guy friends for an evening and inevitably someone will say, "I had to give DW the credit card to get permission for this night out". At which point DH tends to say, "Well, why don't I get in a round with Bling's credit card?" in a always pointless effort to get the point across.

And on the other hand, people regularly act surprised because I'll say that I want to check with DH before making a big purchase or because I'm spending a few minutes at work doing something for the home. As if to say,"But DH is at home, you shouldn't have to do anything."

yanbu

Yes I agree, Working, it's the bigger picture of why such comments can be damaging that really concerns me. If left unchallenged they contribute massively to the nasty idea you outlined, that whoever earns the money is justified in making all decisions/treating their partner as a skivvy/claiming respect without giving it return/whatever the case may be.

And it's just as nasty whatever way it goes, man or woman being the bigger or only wage-earning party.

YANBU. We live in a nice house in a nice area. My DH earns more than me only because he does more hours at present: if I was ft I would earn more. My payscale has changed; his hasn't.

Anyway, back to our house. We live in the house we do because I saved and I bought well years ago which meant that we have ended up with a decent chunk of equity. Dh appreciates this and acknowledges this regularly. But to his entire family, I am the one with the little, unimportant job and dh is the masterful breadwinner.

In terms of where we both sit in our respective organisations, I am the more senior, with greater future earning potential. But I am the little women, earning pin money. Pisses me off.

There's a clothes shop in a lake district town that I saw on holiday which had a sign outside saying something along the lines of 'go on let your wives loose with the credit card'. Had some nice stuff in the window but there was no way I was going in! Everyday sexism ....
I earn three times what my husband earns and the gap will grow even more over the next few years. Surely the woman being the higher earner must be becoming more and more prevalent- attitudes need to catch up quicker!

Who is assuming it OP? Or are you just assuming that people are?

Yanbu. I used to get this at the school gate. It really used to piss me off. I was 42 having dd, financially established and halfway through a mortgage. I had a good job and worked like a dog at it. I've been a sahm for a while, but still brought in the equivalent of a decent part-time income whilst doing all the childcare and house stuff. Dp has a fairly good job, but the "you're so lucky" comments give me the rage!

Only ever had this once and soon put the person in their place.

On a night out with the girls, I bumped into some of DH (ex) friends and one of them made a comment about me being out spending his money, while he was at home. I just responded with 'considering I earn 4 times the amount he does and he is sat comfy in a house that I bought, he's not doing too bad is he?'

Couldn't resist!

Unmissable'
YANBU!!
I am not married but have had similar comments made to me throughout my life re money I've spent obviously being (1) my fathers (in my twenties) and (ii) various boyfriends/long term partners (from thirties to now).
Very very irritating and really just plain daft.
I generally try not to bother about it too much as I believe it's usually unthinking/unconscious sexism and most people making these comments would be mortified if you pointed this out to them.
I confess to finding it particularly odd and very disappointing when women make these comments - what are they thinking?

YANBU. People still seem to assume that women are 'kept' by their husbands!

It must be very grating to hear that when you've clearly worked hard to be in the position you're in. I don't know what the answer is. I suppose you can be blunt and give them the facts or just ignore it. I can see why you find it annoying though.

TBH I think you should correct them. They are daft to assume but people will keep on thinking that way unless it's explained to them otherwise.

I have to admit I haven't encountered any of this attitude, despite being a sahm and being entirely supported by DH's salary. People just assume that I must work from home, or have a BTL, because it's so rare here to have a one-earner household (we're in London). Sometimes people are shocked when they find out I don't work, they just don't seem to know anyone who doesn't. We don't tend to discuss money though with friends, and it never comes up in the sense of me having to ask for permission to spend because DH and I don't consult each other in that way.

And just because I brought no money into our marriage, I certainly contribute hugely as a sahm so I think any comments about sponging off a partner should be challenged whether you brought in finances for the house etc or not!

I earn about 75% of the money that comes into our house, which DP is quite open about. But the number of times people will say to him 'she's off spending your money again'

It should be legal to kick these people.

Not to do with earnings, but similar assumptions: DH and I both had senior public sector jobs, but mine involved contact with the Lord Lieutenant of the county. He nominated me for a Royal Garden Party invitation; I could take a guest, so naturally took DH. Absolutely everyone automatically assumed he was the invitee and I was his guest. Infuriating.

DH and I live in a very large house and have a good lifestyle, we both worked in good jobs and retired early. However a couple of years ago I had a very large windfall from my parents. Only my children know about this. I've never told friends or acquaintances as firstly it's nobody's business and secondly in my experience people are rarely pleased about other people being lucky. It has been my family money that has funded our retirement, holidays and spending, yet people always assume the money comes from DH. I've had lots of comments about being 'a spoilt girl' and have to stifle the urge to say that actually DH is the 'kept man'!