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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be tired and take a few days off to catch up on house and family jobs?

15 replies

Aubrianna · 25/02/2015 03:26

I work with Dh in our company so I can take a couple of days off if I want but it WOULD mean not getting work done and leaving dh and other people at work to cope with my work as well as their own .

The thing is I am so exhausted and I know it sounds pathetic but dh doesn't do his share around the house so I feel like saying to him that until he pulls his weight here he will do the lions share at the office.

Yesterday for example , he leaves for work at about 6:30am, I get up and tidy the house (we have a nanny coming during the day so it has to be at least a minimum level of tidy before I go) . Also get the kids up and ready - we have 5 children between 2 and 10. Take them to school and nursery. I was so stressed out yesterday I sent my two year to nursery in my 4 year olds shoes and before half term forgot to drop her off at all and ended up half way to the train station before I realised that I was still pushing the buggy

Then I go to the office , dh leaves the office at 2:30 to do the school run and what's supposed to happen is that he then does the afternoon and evening jobs , I leave at 6 to get home for about 7. By 7 they should be fed , getting ready for bed and really the evening tidy up should be at least started. That way I deal with the morning and dh deals with most of the evening jobs.

Except it never works like that. Yesterday for example I got home at 7 and no one was fed, the house was a tip and dh was sitting on the computer in the living room playing games with ds. I ended up doing all the evening jobs, didn't finish until about 9.

The worst part was that I spent time putting dinner in the slow cooker in the morning and dh was supposed to turn it off when he got home, he didn't sndby the time I got home it had totally dried up and burned s there was no dinner.

He was apologising as soon as the kids were in bed but it's not enough.

I recently went to my doctor because I was feeling so awful and I have started taking citalopram but I just feel like saying to dh that i am taking a day or two off to sort things out here and catch up on the massive backlog of house and kids stuff that no one is dealing with.

Aibu to take time off because I am tired of doing it all?

OP posts:

UterusUterusGhali · 25/02/2015 03:32

Hell no yunbu.

You are sick. You are on medication for your illness, but you need to rest!

I'd start charging for my time in the house tbh. But I'm a goady fucker.

Fgs be kind to yourself.
If you are ill, whatever the illness, you need R&R. And sick pay.

Original poster

Aubrianna · 25/02/2015 04:36

Thanks uterus I have not thought about it as being ill really - dh certainly hasn't!

OP posts:

Morloth · 25/02/2015 05:16

I sometimes burn an annual leave day for a break.

I do a bit of house stuff but mostly i have some head space away from work and kids.

DH does it as well. Probably 2x a year.

However it won't fix your DH not pulling his weight.

DH does morning shift with kids and I do afternoons/evenings.

We both do our 'jobs' and that means there is plenty of time for everyone.

SweetValentine · 25/02/2015 05:21

Yanbu! It's 4.30am - you have 5 children. You have to look after yourself. And tell your DH to feed his kids

Is there any way you could pay for a one off clean on your days off so you can take it a bit easier? Make sure you don't get roped into doing the afternoon school run. This is time to rest, not time to do absolutely everything.

With so much going on you're only a hop skip and a jump away from a breakdown. You really do have to llook after yourself. Arrange a long dinner out with some friends and other things that need doing outside the house so yoi can catch a break.

puppy123 · 25/02/2015 05:26

What is this nanny doing? Can they help more, e.g. Prepare kids' tea?

munchkinmaster · 25/02/2015 05:40

I think you should swap. Him do the am as he can't not send them to school. He can however wait till you are home to bath them

redexpat · 25/02/2015 07:16

YANBU to take a few days off to catch up, but the real issue here is that DH isnt doing his share at home. Your days off will only be a temporary fix and then it will go back to how it is now. Im not surprised youre exhausted.

Try not to beat him up about the slow cooker. We've all forgotten to turn it off, and sometimes on.

icelollycraving · 25/02/2015 08:37

Why doesn't the nanny do their tea? You sound utterly shattered. I find it tiring & I only have one ds.

icelollycraving · 25/02/2015 08:38

Yes good idea from munchkin swap your 'shifts'.

AnythingNotEverything · 25/02/2015 08:44

Munchkins idea is a good one.

And yes, you are ill - do what you need to recuperate.

I assume you're already doing all the family shortcuts? Can the older kids buddy up with the younger ones to get the right shoes and coats on etc? Do you have a cleaner and is the nanny doing everything she/he could?

I think taking a couple of days to get your head straight and the house straight is a good idea, but make sure changes are made too, otherwise you'll be back in the same position in a month or so. Your DH needs to know that things have to change. This isn't sustainable.

Morelikeguidelines · 25/02/2015 08:46

I agree your dh needs to step up. He is being crap and you definitely need a break.

However what do you have a nanny for? If your kids are all at school and nursery and dh goes home at 2? I thought nannies could do some tidying etc or put food on?

kwerty · 25/02/2015 08:52

YANBU. Have a break and get some rest. Then buy a timer for the cooker; just a little thing but it will help.

dragonfly007 · 25/02/2015 09:03

I would def swap shifts, prepare dinner the night before as part of your jobs but ask Nanny to ensure slow cooker is turned on.

I often do both morning and evening school run, however if hubby is around in the morning I get up later and am generally slower and less organised as I technically have help ( although hubby often gets in the way). Evenings, after being at work and on the go, I like to sit down so will delay doing tea if I can, in your hubby case you come in and take over. Could you go in for 6-30 & finish early?

addictedtosugar · 25/02/2015 09:24

Would it help you if you did both school runs for a week? So only did 9.30-2.30 at work, and DH does the long day at the office?

Or could you negotiate a 4 day week for a bit? That has been my life saver - I still work full hours :( but can leave on a friday lunchtime. Those couple of house between leaving work and getting to school are bliss.

I agree with seeing if the Nanny would do some extra hours or jobs - or could you stretch to a cleaner?

Hope your feeling better soon.

hillyhilly · 25/02/2015 09:34

The only thing I disagree with in your plan is that it still means you are doing all the home work/ jobs and it doesn't encourage/ force your husband to step up to the mark.
You had made the dinner, all he had to do was to dish it up and he couldn't even manage that, he needs to show his apologies with actions not words.
On paper, your work patterns sound enviable but he really has to pull his weight for his end of the day

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