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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have lost perspective-aibu?

12 replies

bertiesgal · 24/02/2015 22:35

I'm pregnant with twins and I have to go to London tomorrow for an intense practical exam on Thursday. We live in quite far North so it's a bit of a trek. DH is coming with me and my parents will have DD and DS for two nights.

DH has just announced that he wants to stay an extra night for a "lads'" night which means I'll have an 8 hour drive back up North alone on unfamiliar roads while my legs/ back and bum get progressively more numb/ sore. I will then have to deal with feeding and bedding two fractious children after an exam and a long drive. I'll then have to spend the next day on my own with them.

I am often on my own with my own children but anticipate that I'll be a little bit fucking knackered this weekend and it would be quite handy to have their dad around. When we discussed it I gently (genuinely gently as I didn't want a fight) pointed out my concerns and said it would still be fine for him to go and I'd ask my mum to lend a hand (the woman's a saint).

He informed me that he can't do anything without a guilt trip and he is now in the huff with me. I'm preggers, tired and terrified of failing this exam. I have lost all sense of perspective. Am I being an unreasonable cow for being honest about my concerns?

OP posts:
Rabbishes · 24/02/2015 22:38

YANBU, it's not like you said he can't go, he chose to see it as a guilt trip.

I trust he'll be taking the DC out for the day when he gets back so you can rest?

attheendoftheday · 24/02/2015 23:26

YANBU.

The way arrangements like this work (when you're effectively expecting your partner to pick up your share if the childcare for a period) is that you ask if they mind first. Normally I would expect partners to accommodate each other where possible, but 8 hour drive when pregnant with twins sounds bloody awful, as does having sole care of two children for an extended period. I was exhausted and uncomfortable in the car on both of my single baby pregnancies.

How about you go on your own and take the train?

LineRunner · 24/02/2015 23:29

I think getting the train would work, if your DP is going to be so very self absorbed.

Goldmandra · 24/02/2015 23:33

If he's feeling guilty it's because he knows he has something to feel guilty about. It isn't your job to make him feel OK about this. He knows he is dumping on you and he needs to be honest with himself about that fact that it will be really tough for you.

mrsfuzzy · 24/02/2015 23:42

sorry if i'm missing something, dh wants to have a lads night in london ? why can't he have it in your home town or nearest city ? could you possibly stay another night and travel back the next day together ? if your dp are lokking after the kids could they not do an extra day/evening to help you out ? many questions, sorry. but on the surface of it dp sounds a bit selfish when you are under a lot of pressure and heavily pregnant to boot. drive yourself home 8 hours , so he can go on the lash to clubs and the like wtf ? if it was my husband it would be 'on your bike mate.!

Jackw · 24/02/2015 23:46

He is definitely being unreasonable. That's a rotton drive for a pregnant woman and he knows it. Unfortunately, you don't want to have a major row just before your exam. Can you stay in the hotel an extra night? Will your parents look after the children for another night? He is a bastard to be in a huff with you when it should be the other way round. Keep calm for now and concentrate on your exam but don't bother trying to be gentle and reasonable and once your exam is over tell him what a shit he is.

mrsfuzzy · 24/02/2015 23:46

meant to ask how much age gap is there between your husband and your kids ? it comes across that he is a bit of a stroppy kid himself who will sulk. you have my sympathies, good luck with the exam ! take care of yourself.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 24/02/2015 23:54

Yanbu.

Can he have theads night while you're there (rather than after)?

Can you get the train back? (More comfortable?)

Fuckmath · 25/02/2015 00:00

Yanbu and ditto others re train, will be nicer for you if you have to travel alone. Reserve a seat and read a book.

Jackw · 25/02/2015 00:03

Well I wouldn't do it by train either. It's still a long journey, with luggage plus getting to and from station both ends. Not fair on a pregnant woman.

Jackieharris · 25/02/2015 00:16

YANBU.

Original poster
bertiesgal · 25/02/2015 00:30

Thank you everyone. You have made me feel miles better. He has decided not to go out and has been stomping around like a bear with a sore head all night. I'm only 17 weeks (although I look about 24) so not heavily pregnant but still struggling as it turns out twins mean you look elephant like from your BFP.

He is generally wonderful but every now and then he has these moments of reverting to being 4. I have a lot on my plate and I think that he forgets that sometimes.

Anyway, the one bonus is that we have decided to fly so it will be the silent treatment from him and no kids to look after on the plane-I think I'll just relax with a textbook and a non alcoholic beverage we're flying Ryanair but fuck it I'll pretend I'm flying first class BA in the 50s

Thanks again everyone, you've been fab!

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