to want to take DD out of nursery for the half day a week and just keep to the 2 full days before she starts school?

[CrapBag]

I am a SAHM and DD has her free 15 hours a week at nursery. She is due to start school in September.

She currently does 2 full days and 1 half day a week.

She is my youngest and I am having a major wobble about her starting school. I am dreading it. I like having her at home with me and I am unable to work so that won't be an option for me once she is at school.

After Easter, I was thinking about dropping the half day. Purely so I can spend a little bit more time before she's off to school. I know this is for purely selfish reasons.

She does like nursery once she's there but she often tells me she doesn't want to go and wants to stay with me. I considered taking her out altogether before but I know this wouldn't have done her any favours and it would have made it harder for her to start school as she is very used to being with me most of the time.

DH thinks I am being ridiculous. I have (possibly unfortunately) asked DD what she thinks of the idea and she wants to stay with mummy and still do her 2 full days, which is when she sees her best friends.

AIBU? I know I am really struggling with the idea of letting her go come September but I won't get this time back again. People keep telling me to have another but I don't really think that's the solution! I'll only be here again in a few years time.

The last term before my ds started school I withdrew him from nursery. His new school were having all the new starters in for 2 afternoons a week, the weather was lovely and he had outgrown nursery. I loved that summer with ds, not having to be up and somewhere by a certain time and it most definately didn't do him any harm!

Do it. You won't get the time back. I didn't send mine for the full 15 hours and they settled at school fine. I do however, have lots of lovely memories of all the fun things we did. No regrets. So sad now they are at school and miss going out and about with them in term time. They've got 14 years of school ahead of them!

I would do it. She isn't getting anything from the half day that she's not already getting from the two full days in terms of socialising, etc. And as you say, it's precious time that you won't have again.

But starting school won't be so bad either, there are lots of holidays. I dreaded DS starting school because I would miss our days together, and I do miss them, but we have extra special times in the holidays as well as stuff after school. They stay up later as they get older, so evenings become a time to spend together.

My DD only ever went two full days. I don't see why you'd worry about it.

Do it. We start school way too early in the UK anyway, it'll be an adjustment for her when she starts half a day at nursery isn't going to make much impact but the extra time with you will be lovely for you both.

YANBU. Nursery isn't compulsory, and it sounds as if the two full days will keep her prepped for starting school.

I had a German friend who lived in the UK; her DD was about to start to school here. Then they moved back to Germany where the DC start a whole year later and my friend was thrilled: she got to enjoy her little girl for an extra year!

So it's not just you either...
(Though I packed all mine off to nursery asap, as I was knackered and the house was a tip!)

I would do it too tbh. Once they start school you can't get that time back and it doesn't sound like she is getting a lot out of the 1/2 day.

My DS started school this year. He did 3 full days at nursery while I was at work but I kept him at home with me the other 2 days rather than put him in the preschool attached the the school. We did lots of fun things together on those 2 days and now he's at school I miss his company on my Fridays off.

I wouldn't have sent either of my kids to nursery at all if I didn't have to work. Is there any real evidence that kids settle better at school if they've been to nursery? Because I've never heard any.

Jolly I never actually considered not sending them. DS went so it would have been unfair to keep DD at home all the time. I only know one person who didnt send their child to nursery and she really struggled with school and being around other children.

Plus I am not in the best of health and it is my bit of rest time. DS was more than ready for school and was desperate to go. DD isn't at that point and just wants to be aroundme and can be very clingy so I think it has benefitted her to have that little bit of time away from me and making some friends (which is the bit she seems to enjoy). She also loves her key worker.

Do it... If you are both happier with her at home then do it.

CrapBag - I am not sure I like that name, you sound lovely, I think you should have a lovelier name!

Number one, do what you like.

Number two, your dd will be fun, whichever you do.

Number three, could you spread her nurseries time over more days so she does four half days, meaning she gets the 'socialisation time' but time each day to do stuff with you and one full day with you as well. Socialisation with you is worth so much.

Number four, can you develop some extra interests yourself which will help you when your dd goes to school? It doesn't need to be paid work. It could be any kind of voluntary work as part time as you like, campaigning for organisations or charities close to your heart, renovating your house or garden, befriending families through the SureStart organisation or other family initiatives, researching subjects or writing articles on subjects close to your heart. It could be anything physical or mental, artistic or fun. Loads of charities rely on people who help out in all manner of ways and find a new lease of life in doing it. This gives back to the community or charity of your choice but would also give you something back.

And because it is unpaid 'work' you can usually pretty much dictate when you can do it.

Good luck.

PS My son turned 4 just before September, I kept him out of school for Sept to Dec term. He is now doing half days, five days a week and will move to full days after Easter (already having one full day a week).

Ha ha. My name is a Friends reference, not that I think I am a bag of crap (well not all of the time at least).

I've spoke to the manager to tell her i'd be taking DD out of the Wednesday afternoon sessions after Easter and when I had to tell her my reasons I was in tears. FFS! I've turned into such a wet blanket since I had children. I don't normally 'do' crying as such and very few people see me cry.

September is going to be a nightmare. I do think they go too young here. Doesn't help that DD is much smaller than DS was at this age so I do tend to think of her as younger and she has always let me baby her a bit more and DS never would.

I'm not sure about volunteering. I'm not sure if it would mess up my benefits and when they review me again, I do think they would use it against me as in 'if you can volunteer you can work' way. I've done the odd thing helping at the school, nothing much and I did a first aid course but everything exhausts me so I don't stick to it as I feel like crap after. I am hoping too get back to piano playing and maybe card making again. I used to do card making and scrap booking before DCs but i'd make loads of cards and have no one to send them to and they aren't worth selling as loads of people do it these days.

I like the sound of the researching subjects and writing about articles close to my heart as this can be done at home. Do you do this for other people?

DS was born late August, I will consider doing half days at school for longer than the usual settling in period when the time comes. It is not until they are 5 that they need to be in education (at school or otherwise) so you have that option...

They don't do settling in sessions at the school. They have a few afternoon at the end of the summer term in July then they just start in September. Only school I know of that does that but it is much less faff. All of her class will be just starting so I don't want to single her out and she isnt one of the younger ones thankfully. I'd be even worse then. She was 4 a few weeks ago and the thought of her starting school right now would be awful. Luckily it seems to be a class of loads of siblings from DS's class so she knows quite a few, she knows the teacher and she used to love going in that class when DS was in there. I couldn't get her out so hopefully she should be fine. I think it's the initial me leaving her each day that will be the hardest, for both of us.

CrapBag I used to write for my local NCT newsletter and other things occasionally and would more if I had time!