To want to know what's going on

[HannahSC]

Will cut a long story very short. Have moved to Aus short term (5 months) for dh work, am currently on maternity leave with second baby and first one is not of school age yet. Parents in law are coming out for a month, but want to travel around and have been battling dh to find out what there plans are. They have a history of keeping us a bit in the dark, saying they want to stay for a couple of days and then extending it while they are with us, last time was with I was heavily pregnant, working full time and living in tiny house as they wanted a city holiday. Anyway I have been told countless times that they are just staying a couple of nights, today it had transformed they've said 'we think we will stay with you two weeks' but when looking at what they have booked holiday wise during there time here it looks like they will be staying for nearly 3 weeks including 3 weekends. Two weeks is fine but I feel like losing 3 weekends to entertaining when dh is working long hours and I'm entertaining two small children without any support network or friends or even basic baby equipment like a high chair of baby carrier chair is exhausting. But mostly just feel a bit disrespected that there should be some consultation on what works and clarification on dates so I have some clue how I will be expected to spend my time! The whole thing feels a bit disrespectful, yet I've had such limited human interaction I might be bring massively unreasonable? I think dh is a big exhausted at the hassling, but as he will mainly be at work I feel he should get some firm answers. His stance is 'he just doesn't know' and is worries about making them feel unwelcome by asking too much, flipping frustrating.

Why don't you talk to your inlaws yourself, and say what suits you, particularly as you will be more impacted by their visit than your dh? Will they help you with your children. My mother in law would, but my own mum wouldn't. Her refrain was always, I've come to see you, not to babysit.

Sounds a little like they are treating you as some sort of free hotel tbh, & that you are there whenever they need you & you are expected to accomodate their whims.

I would say to them that you are going away that month & you need to finalise your plans so could they please confirm when they are coming so you can ensure you are there at the right time.

I don't think YABU this would drive me crackers. I don't mind people staying, but I need to know how long for and that they are not going to be hanging around my small flat expecting to be entertained especially when there are small children.
Is it possible for your DH to say two weeks is fine (if you're definitely happy with that). Or yes, just say yourself. It's odd they are so vague given they are staying at yours. Maybe they'll shorten their stay with you once they've arrived!

Thanks. Yes you definitely have a point, I should just bite the bullet. Things have been a bit tricky in the past so am always worried about making stuff awkward again, I know they are a long way from home and have just arrived in the country which doesn't help. They will help but are a bit overbearing and incredibly sexist, think dh should do very little and I often feel quite judged. Finding everything a big overwhelming at the moment, 2nd baby had very difficult start and had a bit of post natal depression, think I might be feeling disproportionately stressed about this. Hate the feeling of being trapped.

Sorry to hear about that, it must be difficult so far away from home. Hopefully they ll entertain your older one and if not have lots of suggestions of things for them to do during the day to give you space.

Re the baby equipment, is this because you're only there short term? Can you get second hand stuff? That must be driving you nuts surely?