to not really want to be pregnant during a holiday to Vegas?

[jamtomorrow1]

I think the answer to this is, 'yes, what is wrong with you', but...

DH is massively keen to have children and is particularly keen to be a dad before he turns 40 next year. I am not really very keen on having children but have gone through it again and again and again with him, and my mum, and my friends I have concluded that I would regret not having children and as I am unlikely to suddenly start feeling broody I had better just get on with it while I am still relatively young (32). DH is perfectly happy to be a stay at home dad and is as supportive as it is possible to be. We have been trying (on and off) for two years and I miscarried at 11 weeks late last year. The MC was pretty protracted but we have now started trying again - no luck so far.

We have through a sequence of coincidences ended up booking a fairly expensive holiday to Vegas in May ('won' VIP trip for four at a charity auction) which includes various organised booze-related escapades which are paid for as part of the package - drinks at various places, entry and drinks at clubs etc. We somehow didn't really think about it at the time of arranging it (all non-refundable) but none of this is going to be particularly entertaining if I am pregnant - obviously there's the drinking thing and last time round I was tired all the time so the likelihood of my wanting to be out all night in clubs and casinos etc is not really huge. I was also very low the last time round (partly hormonal and partly oh-my-god-do-I-really-want-to-be-doing-this I think) and I am concerned about how I will manage this time round.

I would, frankly, rather suspend 'trying' for a couple of months and start again post-Vegas. But I think that this is probably really tw*tty and selfish of me as it really amounts to saying 'I would rather have a really nice holiday than a baby'. Although it is not really one or the other. I feel like I am being a bad trying-to-conceive-person but equally I am not hugely keen on having a 'last big holiday before we have a baby' holiday which involves everyone having a good time except me. DH and I had a conversation the other day which I thought ended with him saying 'look, I appreciate that if we keep trying and you are pregnant when we go to Vegas then you will probably be knackered and mental so if you want then we can put things on hold for a bit' but following a conversation yesterday that clearly wasn't what he meant at all and I have probably just heard what I wanted to hear.

As I say, I fully expect that people will think that I am being unreasonable, selfish and generally horrible but I just wanted to get some unbiased opinions...

You're probably unlikely to enjoy being on holiday if you're not happy to be pregnant.

I would definitely postpone ttc. We took nearly 2 years to conceive DC1 and the BFP arrived 2 weeks before we were due to go on an amazing holiday in the US. We still went (obviously!) but I was extraordinarily tired so we couldn't do as much as we'd planned, and hanging out in cool bars in NY wasn't as much fun when you're drinking alcohol free beer and want to be in bed by 9pm

it really amounts to saying 'I would rather have a really nice holiday than a baby'.

That is a REALLY negative way to look at it, and I don't think most people would view it like that. Most people who plan to TTC do so around things like moving house, changing jobs, finishing a degree or similar, and I don't think anyone believes that it's because they would rather have a new house/new job/degree than a baby, just that they want to choose an optimal time to make such a huge life change. It's not like it's an either or - if you go to Vegas, you won't be limiting your fertility by doing so and (hopefully) you can have both! No deciding between the two to be done! As for your husband - he seems to be the one who has come up with the self-imposed deadline of his 40th birthday - do you think he would genuinely want to go on this trip knowing that he could be suffering from completely avoidable sickness, tiredness and the inability to drink?

Surely it's only a few months if the holiday is in May? I think that's reasonable and lots of people stop trying for periods of time to time the pregnancy to fit in with travel, events etc.

The real question is are you happy ttc at all?

YANBU. I agree with DoJo - contraception is family planning, with the emphasis on the word planning. You cant ever guarantee when you will fall pregnant - but you cant do your best to guarantee when you wont, like at the time of a special holiday in your case.

I was pregnant with a much wanted (clomid) baby on honeymoon to Vegas. I had horrendous morning sickness and vomited in most places. It was incredibly hot and I swelled up terribly. Everywhere stank of booze and I couldn't bear the smell of it.

There was plenty to do and see that we probably wouldn't have done had I been drinking, bodies exhibition, helicopter flight, sea life centre, dolphin show, theatre shows, shopping but in general I didn't particularly enjoy it and my husband didn't have the best time ever.

If I had my time again maybe I would have pushed starting the Clomid back a little so that I could have enjoyed one last blow out. As it is, we're just saving to go back and do it in style when the kids are old enough to spend a week with grandparents.

If you've time on your side and no reason to think you'll struggle conceiving I'd give trying a break so you can make the most of Vegas, maybe come off contraception so you start trying out there.

of course its not selfish op

I did the exact same thing, 2 years ago dh and I went on a "last fling" holiday to new York city with the intention of ttc on holiday our dc3 straight afterwards

we had an amazing holiday and now got a lovely little ten month old rolling round the living room

yanbu at all

yanbu. Absolutely not.

Put back ttc til your return return.

Easy for your dh to say you should keep going for it! He will be feeling his norm self and able to enjoy the holiday whatewhatever.

Frankly I'm a bit shocked that he takes any other view!

Perfectly normal. DH and I are off on a big holiday in May and will start TTC when we are there. I suggested starting earlier and he pointed out it wouldn't be much fun if I had morning sickness and was knackered, and he is right!

I went to Vegas when I was pregnant (wasn't supposed to be and wasn't when I booked it!) it did kind of ruin the experience IMO. I felt sick, everyone else was having ball and I was sober. Everything revolves around drinking really and sweaty nightclubs. I was shattered and wanted to be in bed early most nights and trying not to vomit during the day.

I would most definitely stop trying to get pregnant and enjoy the holiday. The piano bar in New York hotel is a must by the way.

I don't think the issue here is the holiday, it's the fact that you do 'to really want a baby. Don't have one if you don't want one but make sure your husband knows your reasoning. He needs to make his choice, to stay with you and be childless or to move on to someone else and be a dad. If you have a child and feel resentful of it, it will definitely end badly.

As others have said, it's ultimately your choice so although I guess it's right to discuss it with dh it's really up to you.
Please don't be pressured, it's not all about him and his need to be a dad before a certain time.

there is no way YABU, ttc is very stressful and emotional, and having a mc is just horrible (I've had one too) you need to give yourself a break and this is a once in a lifetime holiday. The break might even be just what your body needs and you'll have more luck when you start trying again. We said this year that if we hadn't got pregnant by October then we would have a break until Jan so I wasn't pregnant for my birthday& Christmas. In the end I did get pregnant and spent all of Christmas day in bed throwing up. Wasn't too bad as Christmas happens every year and I was relieved to be pregnant but people wait all the time for big events.

I was in a similar situation when DH and I booked a once in a lifetime holiday to the Maldives at a time that we were TTC. We didnt stop immediately but once we got within a couple of months of our departure we did. Very glad we did, we had an absolutely amazing holiday and actually conceived DS whilst we were there! I went on to suffer quite bad morning sickness which would have put a real dampener on our holiday so was doubly glad we postponed.
You obviously need to have a sensible discussion with your DH about it but I think it would be a perfectly reasonable thing to do in the circumstances you describe. Certainly wouldn't mean you wanted a holiday more than a baby!

Why are you ttc if you don't really want a child?

YANBU it's not selfish at all its perfectly sensible.

I went on a UK holiday at 8 weeks last year, felt dreadful and was also bleeding on and off. I just wanted to be at home but with 2 other dc's to think of we stuck it out. Thankfully the pregnancy was fine and I now have 4month old dd in my arms but I would never have chosen to be on holiday at that stage of pregnancy, and that was just a cheap UK break!

Mince the OP has already explained.

In answer to the question. You're absolutely not being unreasonable, at all. Babies change everything in your life. I think it's a great idea to take yourself off on a last lovely holiday before you let yourself in for pregnancy with all its possible horribleness, and the demands of parenthood.

Also, if your DH gets in a huff about this, tell him it's a grand exercise in one of the most important concepts one has to learn as a parent - namely, that babies and children are not 'projects' and sometimes things happen to a different timeframe than one would prefer. I understand that with his 40th coming up he's keen to get things going, but a couple of months won't change things too much.

You would be sensible to wait, IMO. As others have illustrated, it's quite possible you would feel utterly miserable trying to holiday in that terrific heat with 'morning (HA!) sickness' and other related ailments.

YANBU I wouldn't want to be pregnant on a holiday like that either. It's perfectly reasonable to take a break from ttc. It's a really emotional process and sometimes it's better to take a pause and enjoy yourself and will put you in a better frame of mind.