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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be reluctant to allow DM to have 'screen time' with 6mo DS2?

21 replies

ElphabaTheGreen · 24/02/2015 12:25

DM has severely impaired mobility. Neither DS1 (2.8yo) or DS2 (6mo) enjoy/ed being with her much as babies as they were/are not ones to sit quietly and be held, which is all she's capable of. Unless they have a TV or iPhone in front of them.

In DS1's case, it did start off when he was a baby (can't remember how old) as it was the only way she could get a cuddle without screaming. This has snowballed from 10 minutes, to 20 minutes to over an hour after nursery, every day of the week and at weekends. He gets TV in the morning as well to help us get ready for work, get DS2 fed etc, so, much as I'd love to get rid of that in place of it, we'd have a furious toddler to contend with on top of trying to get out the front door. DH would happily park DS1 in front of the TV all day so he wouldn't back me up at all if I tried getting rid of the morning TV.

I've been turning a blind eye to her white lies about, 'Oh, he's only had one Peppa...' because I know she just loves having him there. They do chat to each other and cuddle and laugh together, so it's not entirely passive and she always says it's the highlight of her day.

She now wants to start doing the same thing with DS2. Screen time for such a small baby just feels so wrong, but he will not be held, read to, sung to by her otherwise (although all of these would be our preference). She's tried transitioning DS1 onto books from the TV, but he just won't have it, so I'm not anticipating this being possible with DS2.

AIBU to not be madly enthusiastic about DM's suggestion, or do you think bonding time (of sorts) with nanna trump screen time?

OP posts:

EdSheeran · 24/02/2015 12:27

I think the benefits bonding time far outweigh any issues with screen time.

ChipDip · 24/02/2015 12:28

Well then what do you expect her to do? She is limited in what she can physically do with them, and she has tried but if your children won't take it on then there's not much more she can do. I think yabu.

HomeIsWhereTheHeartIs · 24/02/2015 12:32

Does DM provide childcare?

MildredDreadful · 24/02/2015 12:33

I think people worry too much about screen time really. Same as my granny worrying that too much reading would strain my eyes.

Your children and your mum getting on well and having a good relationship is much more important. How lovely to have a cuddle with your nan and watch something nice everyday... Sounds very snuggly and comforting. Plus you get a bit of a break. What's not to like?

fromparistoberlin73 · 24/02/2015 12:36

its screen time

not crack cocaine, or alcohol, or fag smoke

bonding is far more important

StayGoldPonyBoy · 24/02/2015 12:37

It's a bit different than if she was like 'I can't be arsed with the park, let's cuddle up and watch Eastenders' like my PIL do
I think it's fine, they'll look forward to hanging out with your DM and having cuddles and some crappy lovely kids TV

Fanfeckintastic · 24/02/2015 12:37

I don't allow tv in the mornings and am very careful about screen time, but this wouldn't bother me at all. As someone said above, the benefits of the bonding far outweigh the negatives of screen time in my opinion.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 24/02/2015 12:40

That's really hard. I think it would depend on how often DM sees the kids and therefore how much screen time it is with her. PIL have done iPad things with DD from about 1.5yo and watched TV/films with her. They used to see her weekly at that age.

DD is now 5yo and what she wants is to play games or have someone do painting with her etc. I wonder if your DS1 might like nanny to do an activity at the table, duplo, painting, playdoh etc.

I wouldn't want screen time for a 6mo though, but if it was one afternoon a month with their GPs, then it wouldn't bother me that much as the bonding time would outweigh it for me. But every night would be a different matter, what do you do with DS2? Could she feed him?

yomellamoHelly · 24/02/2015 12:42

I would allow it, but put very clear boundaries around it with the dc. (Mine would have needed to know them!) Assume she lives with you so it's not the kind of situation where this wipes out half the day / half the other things you could be doing with them or dictates how your day unfolds though. That would change my view on it.

googoodolly · 24/02/2015 12:43

It's not like she can't be bothered to do anything else and is using screen time as a get-out thing. It's her only choice due to her mobility issues and I think it would be a bit mean to stop it if it's the only way she gets to her cuddle and spend time with her grandkids.

The benefits of nanna cuddles and closeness definitely outweigh any negatives. I do think obsessively restricting screen-time is a decidedly MN thing though! hides

MrsTawdry · 24/02/2015 12:48

If she is providing childcare then YABU. Massively. I assume you're not paying her? If you are then you need to employ someone without mobility issues and let her be a Granny.

Waitingonasunnyday · 24/02/2015 12:49

Well apparently screen time with an adult is a zillion times better than screen time on their own. And if DS1 is watching Peppa etc that's better than watching Germy Kyle. SO I don't think they are having the worst sort of newspaper headline SCREEN TIME ROTTING MINDS iyswim.

Could you try something like a leap pad sort of thing for the baby?

LittleBairn · 24/02/2015 12:59

I wouldn't want such a young baby watching tv but I can appreciate that this is a tricky situation if your mother is unable to move/interact with them.
If he won't sit down ever, is he likely to want to sit and watch the tv?

In regards to the two year old I would put limits on the tv and make it a firm rule, he will soon get used to listening to a book with grandma instead.

GahBuggerit · 24/02/2015 13:01

Bonding time trumps screen time 100%

My mum provides childcare and I wouldn't dream of laying down any ground rules or boundaries. They adore her and she is saving me over £1k a month in childcare. She managed to bring me up fine so she is Mum when I'm not around. She is the only other person in the world who loves my children as much as I do so I trust her totally. Even when one day she announced that all my youngest would eat was Microchips and Funny Face meat, DP was all clenchy about it, I was more miffed that he ate the Microchips because I wanted them with a pie that night.

MrsTedCrilly · 24/02/2015 13:01

YABU, screen time is made such a fuss of.. Sometimes my baby spends a few hours a day watching waybuloo when he's teething, it calms him down while the medicine takes effect. The rest of the day is spent playing, reading, interacting, chatting, in his walker etc. People are made to feel so guilty of their parenting! In your case nanna cuddles are more important here

Rosieliveson · 24/02/2015 13:04

Hiya, are your DC likely to be entertained by a book, puzzle, puppets, colouring etc? I'm just trying to think of activities that can be done sat down. I apologise if I'm underestimating how immobile your mum is.
For what it's worth I don't mind my toddler watching a bit of tv. We do loads of other more physical activities too. I quite enjoy a sit down and snuggle in the sofa sometimes

CavalierQueenCharlotte · 24/02/2015 13:04

Screen time. Two words that should be nuked off the face of the earth. Especially as the righteous users see no irony in their using them.....on an effing screen.

Original poster

ElphabaTheGreen · 24/02/2015 13:46

She doesn't provide childcare as she's not able to. It's purely a pleasure visit for her and the DSs. We've tried setting up colouring in front of her for DS1 to do with her, but there really isn't the room in her little annexe (yes, she lives with us, in a granny flat) - she doesn't have a proper table she can get to. It is everyday that DS1 goes over and therefore she wants DS2 to do the same. She's got short little 'educational'-type apps on her iPhone with nursery rhymes and cartoons that DS1 used to watch when he was a baby and that's what she wants to use with DS2. We know he likes them because he sat on her lap yesterday for pretty much the first time ever yesterday without screaming being riveted by one of them.

I guess the consensus is that nanna-time trumps screen time. Fairy nuff.

OP posts:

Original poster

ElphabaTheGreen · 24/02/2015 13:48

Oh, she can't feed him, unfortunately. We've tried but she just can't hold him for long enough in a position that's comfortable for her and him (he's a lump, she's quite arthritic).

OP posts:

GahBuggerit · 24/02/2015 13:58

Ahh, honestly OP. Bit of telly with Nana isnt the end of the world. Especially if it makes the whole thing more bearable for all concerned.

I'm actually surprised at how much DS2 is learning from TV. He can sign language most words thanks to Mr Tumble fair enough its weird having a conversation with him about a bird (sign) in a rocket (sign) that lived in a tree (sign) with a hot (sign) red (sign) cat (sign) that was friends (sign) with a giraffe (sign) etc etc

scrunchiemount · 24/02/2015 14:14

YABU. Telly isn't going to kill him. It's more important that he spends time having cuddles with his Nanny.

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