Me or him?

[Beth2511]

Having a bit of a barny with OH and I really can't figure who is being unreasonable.

OH works as a manager for a huge chain and in the next 2-3 years will be eligable to take on his own branch. He mentioned once or twice it may involve moving away and if in theory if it would be something I'd be up for.

We've got DD 3 months and currently in a one bed and in a crazy rent price area (We pay 650 for tiny one bed!) and would need to find another 200 a month for a 2 bed, plus 2k in fees/deposit/upfront rent. So we spent ages getting on the housing register. Recently I've been working out what we need as we are regularly 10th-15th sometimes higher positioned on places we are bidding for so been told to expect another 6 months. Were warned we would need carpets and to decorate 90% of places so was trying to start saving.

Anyway, OH mentions today there is no point in decorating as we won't be long there before moving elsewhere in the country. I'm spitting because he knows how long the application took me and much time I've spent bidding and researching, I knew moving was a possibility but I never once was told it was 85% likely we would need to completely relocate. If I'd known I'd never have bothered with the register as there is no point and a waste of everyone's time.

He says I'm being unreasonable because he said once or twice that he may need to relocate. No time frame, always sounded like a slight possibility rather than likely reality and never actually properly discussed. Apparently I should have known we would only be there a year or two!

I don't have a problem with moving, my problem is he should have discussed when we did the application in the first place what he wanted and what would likely be happening and what I even want.

Who is being unreasonable?

To me this just sounds like a lack of communication, with assumptions being made on both sides, i.e. you assuming that this is something far off in the future, and him assuming that you knew it was imminent.

The question is this. Are you actually happy to move? Either way, talk to him.

Cheers!

Crazy rent? No, crazy rent is £1400+ a month for a small one bed flat...

either way, your situation seems to be different than what you thaught. There is no point picking who is being unreasonable (I do see it is easier said than done). Now with what you know it's important to discuss what are the futur plans and how to deal with them now.

Belt and braces. The move will probably happen, that's great if you are both on board. Otherwise, you are on the list so that's great. Save either way because moving costs and so does redecorating.

You need to talk as adults do. You have a child.

There is no 'him or me' love it's 'us'.

Surely it will be a good thing if he gets a promotion to his own branch as you'll be able to afford the rent somewhere else more easily?

Doesnt matter who was not voicing their expectations. discuss it now. Actually moving sounds like a good thing, right?

I would feel frustrated, too. Your OH may become eligible to manage his own branch, this may be in 3 years, and the vacancy may be local or some distance away. And he would still have to apply for it. All quite up in the air, and relatively distant, and mentioned twice.

You on the other hand have been focusing quite transparently on the here and now and seeking certainty for your family, putting a lot of visible effort into your application and bids.

Does he often drip information?

Could you not do the application,spend minimally on decoration if & when you get in. Then if you were going to move,do a swap? I'm a bit clueless as to how these things work though.

Would you really not have done the application if you'd known there was a good chance you were going to move? That would have meant that if your DH didn't get the promotion he wanted, or if he lost his job (it happens) you'd still be in the 650 a month small flat. At least this way you still have the option and if you don't need it, no harm done.

DH and I have both got/had careers that have required moving around. There's a mountain of paperwork behind us that we ended up never using. We relocated last year after DH got made redundant, we expected that I wouldn't be working so DH did lots of research into playgroups/part time nursery, narrowed it down to one or two, arranged appointments with them... then a mate got me an interview, I got the job and it was straight on the phone to DH to bin all his research and start looking at full time day nurseries. It's part of life!

miscommunication on both sides. Fristrating, but at least now you have options.

He's going to get the opportunity to get his own branch - how did you think this was going to happen without moving?

First is wouldn't stress. Enjoy what you have. If you get a house great even if it's just for a year you will pay less rent and have more space. Plus you could always try for a swap somewhere else. You don't knoe what the future really holds so do what's best for your family now and make the decisions when they arrive.

Plus you can decorate somewhere quite cheaply to do you for the short term. Even put large room size rugs down so you can take them with you if you do move

You always knew it was a possibilty though, I can't see why you're mad its just firming up a bit. You say he should have discussed itwhen you did the application: you should have discussed it.
Yabu.