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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be shocked at this trend on kids' social media?

53 replies

MrsTawdry · 23/02/2015 20:04

Ok I probably AM bu to be shocked. But I AM disgusted. My niece is 11 in year 6 and has had a FB page for a year or more. But has only become active this year really.

She and her friends from school seem to be running "Hot or not" posts regularly in which they film themselves going through their phone scoring their classmates out of ten for hotness. (like 11 year olds are hot ffs)

They include the boys and the boys add comments saying thanks just like the girls do...I haven't looked to see if the boys are also scoring like this.

They run through saying "Tom Smith Hot 8.....Amy Jones Hot 3....Peter Davis hot 4...

Obviously they give their mates a good score and the others...not so lucky...get scored low.

Kids are tagged in them so they can't miss their mention. Angry why do their parents LET THEM DO THIS!? Do your DC do this? HAve you seen it?

OP posts:
sweetboysmum · 23/02/2015 21:14

boy liked

Unmissable · 23/02/2015 21:15

MrsTawdry. Do those tablets etc never leave the house then?

My DCs are never unsupervised at home, but I don't really know what they're up to on their phones on the bus etc. That's why I have their passwords and check FTTT

But, junior is right, once DC are out in the big wide world we can't control what they see on-line unless we're going to try and control their friends(parents). I've been Shock by some of the games my DC have played at homes where the parents seem eminently sensible over things like food and discipline.

I think the education does have that covered OP. Dc learn about not talking to people you don't know etc but they get a lot of stuff about on-line bullying too and (maybe a bit older) about your FB page being the first thing employers will look at and how dodgy photos will be around forever. Ultimately though, it has to be down to parents.

Original poster
MrsTawdry · 23/02/2015 21:18

Unmissable no! Why would they?

OP posts:
Atlanticblue · 23/02/2015 21:19

In fairness I have only ever seen 'nice' comments. OK, some of them are inappropriate from an adults perspective - like 'sexy!' and the like, but children do try to 'act' older.

It's several years since I had Facebook but back then I remember the 'like for a rate' and never saw anything go lower than 8, which was nice really! Obviously, if people are saying unkind things then that needs dealing with but the comments like 'soooo pretty' and 'gorge!' can surely stay?

juniorcakeoff · 23/02/2015 21:19

They can borrow their mates phones/tablets. There is always a fair number of kids whose parents do not put any checks on their kids access and a number of kids who can just get round them. Occassionally divorced disney dads and clueless grandparents buy smartphones for their kids and do not put any bars on their internet access. So if any of those kids are in your kids class / bus/ gymnastic lesson? They can view it all too. Sorry.

Original poster
MrsTawdry · 23/02/2015 21:21

Blue I think it's the obsession with appearance that gets to me too...I know kids are shallow but they should be encouraged to use social media for good.

OP posts:
Unmissable · 23/02/2015 21:22

Well, they're designed to be portable. Maybe at 10yo you have complete control but you're not going to keep that up once they get to secondary. Won't they have phones?

And even if you do, as PP says, they'll only use their mates'

Atlanticblue · 23/02/2015 21:24

I know, but when it's a photograph that does tend to be the focus, doesn't it?

I do know what you mean, but I think if they are saying pleasant things - providing they are roughly within the realms of appropriateness! - I don't think it's so bad. Obviously, if unkind things are said, that's different. My son is 8 and I certainly won't be letting him on Facebook and the like for a good five years, but when he does use it, I will have a strict rule about only kind, complimentary things being said!

In fairness, I can't imagine him being anything but, but five years could see many changes Grin

Original poster
MrsTawdry · 23/02/2015 21:24

Yes...but Unmissable your attitude seems very fatalistic. All shoulder shruggy and accepting of the "Ineveitable" when in fact if people took more notice then this kind of thing could be stopped to some extent.

OP posts:
Unmissable · 23/02/2015 21:30

No, absolutely not. I'm aware of the risks and manage them, rather than believing my DC can't be affected by it because I'm a decent parent.

I can't stop other children doing it, I can't stop my kids seeing it, I can educate my children to know the risks and understand the hurt it can cause. I don't do that by believing I have full control over their internet use, which isn't actually possible.

benfoldsfive · 23/02/2015 21:32

Kids social media? Surely this is an oxymoron? Hmm

kim147 · 23/02/2015 21:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MrsTawdry · 23/02/2015 21:36

Ben whatever.

Unmissable I know what you're saying. It's just sad...I don't want ANY kids to be hurt.

OP posts:
benfoldsfive · 23/02/2015 21:45

Mrs - my daughter who is 12 has a social media account. I would never dream however of referring to it as kids social media - because it isn't. Social media is an adult tool that needs adult supervision.

The reason this hot or not exsist is because children are not being supervised when using an adult tool

countessmarkyabitch · 23/02/2015 21:48

It's an adult tool yes. It's not adult supervision thats needed, its sensible adults that say NO when they want a facebook account.

Original poster
MrsTawdry · 23/02/2015 21:50

ben I didn't mean "Kids's" social media. I was typing lazily I suppose. I meant more "The Social Media that kids use"

OP posts:
Notso · 23/02/2015 22:18

Oh I understand that they can use friends phones etc to look at other stuff. In that respect the best we can hope for is that our DC are sensible enough not to want to look at it. Sometimes they will though, I accept that.

However I wasn't meaning free reign to describe using the internet whenever they want. More free reign over what they post online. I know some of their parents wouldn't approve of some comments pictures etc that are on FB, they obviously don't check it though. I spoke to one boys parents after he put really terrible and untrue comments on about a teacher, she had never checked his account.

desperatedino2015 · 23/02/2015 22:27

It is awful, and they apologise before if they offend someone, too late then!

On dd's FB at the mo, they are tagging the most 20 beautiful people on their friend lists.

Lurknomoreladies · 23/02/2015 22:43

Just a reminder, Facebook has a no under 13s policy, so none of these kids should be on Facebook. I have less of an issue if they are there with parental supervision, but it just makes me so sad that any child is spending time obsessing over how 'hot' they are. Childhood is over so quickly for so many kids.

Original poster
MrsTawdry · 23/02/2015 22:59

We all know that Lurk but so many seem either not to...or not to care.

OP posts:
letch · 23/02/2015 23:37

My DD (11) has instagram, but not facebook. I don't see the evils in it, but rather think that it is a tool that needs supervision and discussion.

I do have clear guidelines on what DD does, and she knows I have it on my phone, so can see anything she / her friends post at any time. Most of the children in her class have it, but it is not nasty stuff. Her friends do not do the hot or not thing. They did go through a phase of having 'vote offs' a while back, but DD and I discussed this, and how it could hurt people's feelings and so she chooses not to post on those, or the chain letter ones where it is accompanied with a threat. Thankfully, these seem to have passed now.

However, I am surprised at what some of her friends post. Some of them have hundreds upon hundreds of friends, who they can't possibly know in real life and some post things I do not think is particularly appropriate. When this happens DD and I discuss it, and why it is not suitable.

I've gone down the route of being fairly liberal in allowing her access to such things, but on the proviso that I check and we chat about any issues that arise. So far, it seems to work for us, and we have not had anything inappropriate yet. My Daughter's Instagram is rather innocuous trite.

gleegeek · 24/02/2015 00:03

I've allowed my year 7 11year old an instagram account but only on my phone. I have a quick check of what she and her friends are sharing and am happy, thus far, that it's all pretty innocuous stuff. But I'm amazed at what some children post and that the parents don't seem to know what their dc are saying/seeing.
My dd and I have quite an open relationship where she knows she can talk about anything to me - long may that continue! At the moment she is happy to let me share the instagram experience :-)

Annietheacrobat · 24/02/2015 08:34

I can remember doing similar when I was around 13 - we listed all the boys in our group and the girls down the other side forming a grid. Each of us gave a score out of 10 for each boy based on looks. I was one of the main instigators of this despite being desperately insecure and the least attractive of the girls. What was I thinking?

Not looking forward to the teen preteen stage.

thehumanjam · 24/02/2015 08:43

I have seen this and was quite shocked. Ds and his friends don't want Facebook (he is 13). I have heard that it has caused lots of problems amongst those who do use it.

When we looked around the school a few years ago the teacher conducting the tour said that the teachers have to spend break times dealing with upset girls over issues that have started outside of school on Facebook. Sad

muminhants · 24/02/2015 08:46

My ds is 12 so no social media accounts yet though he says some of his friends at school have Instagram accounts.

My understanding is that you can see an Instagram account without having to be a friend or can that be locked down in the same way as Facebook?

My issue with Facebook is that if I am doing my job right I will show him exactly how to lock down his account so that only the people he wants to see things, see them. But that means that if I am not a friend, I can't see them either. Most teenagers are going to stop their parent being a friend aren't they so it's difficult to see what's going on. The same applies to Twitter. I can say at 13 "you can only have a FB account if you let me be a friend" but I suspect that he'll quickly work out how to restrict the posts I see and then defriend me altogether...

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