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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To sell our house?

12 replies

NeedALittleTime · 23/02/2015 09:59

My mom passed away 4 years ago and since then I have been living with my step-dad and I have been granted probate on the house (I think is the right term to use?). I had moved out many years ago but gave up my council property to move back home and be a live in carer for my mom but since she has passed mine and my step dads relationship has deteriorated, he drinks and smokes a lot (I think he is depressed too) and although he loves my son (his grandson) and says he's his reason to live he doesn't make the house a very nice place to live. At all. I have also had a newborn baby (don't live with her dad because of the step-dad situation) and he wont stop having crafty cigarettes in the house (kitchen or toilet) as soon as our back is turned. Anyway this caused a HUGE argument in our house yesterday and he's woke up miserable/moody /bitchy today and caused another argument so on a whim I called the estate agents and have an agent coming round on Wednesday to assess the property. Its the only way I can see out and as much as I don't want to lose the family home or split my stepdad up from my son (son is disabled and they have a very close bond) its the only way I can see me being happy. Am I being selfish though and should I just put up with it? The way stepdad drinks and smokes he won't be with us in a few years anyway (harsh but true) so AIBU to want to sell our house?

OP posts:
Original poster
NeedALittleTime · 23/02/2015 10:02

Sorry its my first post on here, should have used more paragraphs!

OP posts:
shakemysilliesout · 23/02/2015 10:06

Your living situation is fairly unusual. Who pays bills? Rent? It's fine to sell but you should give step dad fair notice and be honest with him about next steps, finances. 6months notice at least.

engeika · 23/02/2015 10:08

Who owns the house? You? Your stepdad? Half each? Would it yield enough for you to buy a small local flat for him and a house/flat for you? Without answers to those questions it is difficult to know.

ratspeaker · 23/02/2015 10:18

If you have probate there must have been a will.
Who did your mum leave the house to in that will?
If there wasn't a will leaving you a share in the house then I dont think you can do anything.
Its sounding a tense situation but until we know who owns what we cant really advise.

Btw

Do you also realise that unless your step dad has made a will you are not entitled to any of his assets, unless he adopted you.

ARoomWithoutAView · 23/02/2015 10:18

You will need some legal advice to ascertain who has a beneficial interest in the property. It sounds as if you were made an executor. Probate is granted to executors to enable them to collect all the assets in, pay off creditors and then distribute the estate in accordance with a Will. But who is entitled to the property will depend on what the Will says and whether your step father has acquired any other rights to live in the property via his relationship with your mother. These rights can arise informally (Proprietary Estoppel) and accidentally. An example of the latter is where you allow him to continue to live in the property for a lengthy period of time and particularly if he has contributed to the household bills. For these reasons, and given you have been living together for four years, you should take some good legal advice.

Original poster
NeedALittleTime · 23/02/2015 10:18

Sorry, the house is in my name only but I would split any money 50/50, I pay all the bills and he pays the gas and electricity in the prepayment meter (he thinks this is fair, I don't but gave up arguing about money with him around 2years ago so gave in) the house is worth around 100k and the current mortgage has 25k left to pay off, I have no idea about getting a new mortgage on a new property for either of us as we are both out of work at the moment. I wish he could move out and get a council flat but I know in my area his chances would be very slim/impossibleas he already has somewhere to live so can only see selling up as the only option, thanks for the replies btw.

OP posts:
Original poster
NeedALittleTime · 23/02/2015 10:20

There was no will left but the mortgage was only in my moms name, no mention of my step dad, I think I will get in touch with the solicitors who sorted out probate and see what they suggest, thanks for all your comments.

OP posts:
shakemysilliesout · 23/02/2015 10:36

I don't think yabu to want to end the current arrangement. Good luck getting it all sorted properly.

kittycatz · 23/02/2015 10:53

You do need to get in touch with solicitors. When someone dies "intestate" there are very strict rules about who inherits what. Were your mum and step dad married - if they were then I thought he would inherit everything if she hadn't made a will? Best to ask a solicitor exactly what the situation is and what possibilities are open to you.
If you both own 50:50 then both will have to agree to a sale or you will have to buy him out if he doesn't want to sell his house.
It sounds like a very difficult situation and legal advice is the best way to go. It must be difficult for him too because it was his home first and you moved in to care for your Mum. He has probably been used to smoking in the house and now you don't want him too so he doesn't see why he shouldn`t.
Would a solution be for you to move out to a rented property or move in with the baby's Dad and step-dad then pays you rent on your half of the property?
Who is paying the mortgage?

thatsucks · 23/02/2015 10:58

He's 'moody', 'miserable', 'bitchy', he smokes in a house with a newborn baby and a disabled child and he 'doesn't make the house a nice place to live in'.

It's not a case of 'should I?'..you MUST get out of this arrangement because it is damaging for your dc.

Baaaaaaaaaaaa · 23/02/2015 12:43

Why can't he smoke in just one room of the house though? Maybe in his bedroom? Is there space for a comfy chair and a little side table? Then he could have quiet time to himself, keep the smoke contained to one room and everyone may get along better.

It can't be nice for you or him.

I'd also be very, very careful about the house. It's correct that when someone dies intestate then there is a strict line of inheritance to be followed and if your step dad was married to your mum, then I'm afraid it's his house and you can't sell it. In fact, he'd be within his rights to throw you all out.

sometimes compromising is good.

Oh, and if he has any children by a previous woman (married or not) then if he doesn't make a will leaving the house to you, then his children get it all.

Hoppinggreen · 23/02/2015 12:59

If there was no will And mum and step Dad were married you might find that the house is his. Do you know it's yours or are you assuming?
You might be opening a can of worms here

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