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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU me or DP?

32 replies

AnotherManicMonday · 23/02/2015 09:36

Late last I got a call from my friend who was drunk and really upset and lost somewhere an hour away there was no one that could go and pick her up so I said I'd go. My DD was here so I asked Dp if he minded and he didn't want me to go at all, there was no one else that could of went and I don't know what she would of done if I couldn't go but he said it was fine leaving DD but he didn't want me to go at all but I went now he's gone to work in a grump this morning after ignoring me. The childish part is we're both stubborn if we think we're in the right. I understand him not wanting me to go but my friend needed me so I went and I no she would of done exactly the same thing for.

So who IBU?

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 23/02/2015 09:43

What did he mind doing?

Looking after your dd? If so then maybe he's not great stepfather material?

If he didn't want you going out then maybe he's too controlling?

Either way I wouldn't like it.

Original poster
AnotherManicMonday · 23/02/2015 09:53

He said he didn't want me to go out that late do a long drive and not possibly know what kind of situation I could of been going into.

I don't think it's watching my DD or control I gave him the option to say he didn't want to watch her in which case I wouldn't of gone and he would of got what he wanted

OP posts:
RandomNPC · 23/02/2015 10:04

I think you're probably both reasonable in some respects; I know you wanted to help your friend, but he was obviously concerned about you too. I think you were both acting with good intentions.

AnyFucker · 23/02/2015 10:05

Is your friend ok ?

in this situation, if my h was worried about my physical safety he would offer to go and pick her up himself...did he ?

pictish · 23/02/2015 10:08

Hmmm.... if he was actually worried about your wellbeing, he wouldn't be in a strop today would he? What with you being fine and well.

He doesn't get to decide when you go out and why, you know.

Original poster
AnotherManicMonday · 23/02/2015 10:10

My friends okay thankfully just very shaken up!

He did offer to come but it's not fair on DD getting her up and dragging her out in the cold for a few hours

OP posts:
ThinkIveBeenHacked · 23/02/2015 10:12

My DH would probably be a bit "Fgs Hacked, its the middle of the night, its a bit shitty of your friend to expect you to go traipsing around after her" - that kind of pissed off, more at the situation than me, but if it happened to one of my friends it would be so so out of character that Id do it because somethinflg would clearly be wrong.

arethereanyleftatall · 23/02/2015 10:14

He is bu.
either he didn't want you to go because he wanted your company, in which case that's selfish as your friend needed your help.
Or he didn't want you to go as he was concerned for your safety, in which case he should have gone.
Waking up your dd would have been ridiculous frankly.
He's an idiot.

Original poster
AnotherManicMonday · 23/02/2015 10:18

He couldn't of gone it was an hour away and a absolute nightmare to find and he doesn't drive

It's a ridiculous situation I understand him being pissed off but I weren't happy going out at that time either but it was just one of them things

OP posts:
Unexpected · 23/02/2015 10:23

Well if he doesn't drive and therefore couldn't have gone on his own, I think he appears to have been concerned for your safety rather than simply not wanting you to go. Where exactly was your friend? Couldn't she have called a cab to take her somewhere familiar?

I can see his point of view (you haven't said what kind of place you had to go to pick up your friend) but I can also see you wanted to help your friend. Hopefully, this will blow over. There person you should both be annoyed at is your friend! She owes you a big apology.

Samcro · 23/02/2015 10:23

yabu
sounds like he was just worried about you

NamesNick · 23/02/2015 10:28

if he was that bloody worried about you then he would offer to collect your friend.

does dp get on with said friend? perhaps he was jealous?

very odd reaction from a dp imo

NamesNick · 23/02/2015 10:28

oh crap..just saw that he doesn't drive

Original poster
AnotherManicMonday · 23/02/2015 10:29

I do think he was genuinely worried for me but think he's just being a it of a drama queen to carry this on. I'll apoologise for him worrying but that's it she's my friend and she needed me so I went and he would of done the same if it was the other way round

OP posts:
pictish · 23/02/2015 10:36

Don't apologise to him! You have done nothing wrong! You are a grown adult, who managed your life and made your own decisions perfectly well before he came along. You are still entitled to make those decisions for yourself, despite his manly input.
He is not your dad. He does not get to decide.

And I reiterate, if it was concern fuelling his opposition on this, he'd have got over it by now because all's well and you're fine.

He is not pissed off because he was worried, he's pissed off because you didn't do as you were told!
Do not apologise...if you do, you are only giving him the message that you did wrong to defy him and in doing so, will make him think he's allowed to boss you around in future.

Don't be daft.

Bowlersarm · 23/02/2015 10:38

You are a lovely friend and he could have been a bit more understanding.

Your friend owes you big time.

NamesNick · 23/02/2015 10:47

everything pictish said

WorraLiberty · 23/02/2015 10:47

I don't know really.

If I was you, I would have done exactly the same thing.

But if my DH had to go out in the night to pick up a friend who couldn't handle his drink, I'd be a bit pissed off too.

Still there's no reason for him to sulk now it's done and dusted.

AnyFucker · 23/02/2015 11:01

does he ever accept lifts from you ? Take advantage of of your transport ? If he does, he's being a hypocrite

why doesn't he drive, btw ?

Original poster
AnotherManicMonday · 23/02/2015 11:09

He's just never got round to learning how to drive but we'll see how long this stand off lasts it's ridiculous but we're both pathetically stubborn

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 23/02/2015 11:16

is he in full time work ? I don't understand people who don't learn to drive if they can afford to

I realise this is a derail though so I shall shut up about it now (although you haven't confirmed whether or not he accepts lifts using your transport, good will, time and expense)

DrSethHazlittMD · 23/02/2015 11:24

AnyFucker - re: the derail (just because I find it interesting too) maybe he can't afford it! It ain't cheap these days. Similarly, I know many people who were brought up in London and therefore never learned to drive because they had great public transport, moved to the county and found it a serious issue. I also know epileptics who can't drive

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 23/02/2015 11:29

Even if he can afford it, it isnt always cost efficient. My DH cant drive. He has done a few lessons and probably will learn eventually but he has no need. We are on excellent transport links, his weekly travel costs £11. Much less than my weekly petrol, let alone factoring in tax, mot, insurance, repairs.

Ive never once been asked to give him a lift anywhere. It would also take him twice as long to get home from work due to the bus lanes everywhere.

pictish · 23/02/2015 11:36

Do not get into the habit of apologising to him when you haven't done anything to apologise for, to keep the peace. That is not being 'stubborn', it is standing up for yourself.
As soon as you start backing down to appease the bad mood he has no business being in, you are in trouble.

WorraLiberty · 23/02/2015 11:37

Not everyone is cut out to be a driver

Despite passing my test many years ago (because it was expected of me), I am definitely not cut out for it. Therefore I stay away from the driving wheel for my own and everyone else's safety.

There are many things some people will never be good at. I don't know why when driving is one of them, some people find it odd.