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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My husband is brewing for a fight, would I be unreasonable to not bite back?

37 replies

Dontnic · 23/02/2015 09:10

I can feel it is in the air. I have obviously done something to piss him off and he is brewing for a fight, he clearly wants one, but instead he is slamming doors, silent treatment, kicking shoes around etc.

I hate it when he is like this, I am walking on egg shells. I know it is coming and it is just a question of when he feels he can no longer hold it in.

Normally it is because of something really small that his anger and resentment about it is out of proportion, which is why he simmers in his own juices. Eventually it comes out.

Actually I know what it is. We have 1 car and I took it for a day out to see my sister, leaving him alone with the children, which he did not enjoy. He knows I am not unreasonable to spend a day with my sister but he didn't want me to go and leave him. So instead he will seethe for a few hours before starting a conversation with "I just want to say...."

Ahhhhhhhhh any other husbands like this?

OP posts:

26Point2Miles · 23/02/2015 09:40

Is he not going to work today? Tell him to man up, a car isn't a necessity!

DeliciousMonster · 23/02/2015 09:41

You only have one car. Does he never use it without you?

There are other cars - you call them and they come and take you places. You pay at the end. Taxis. Perhaps get him the number of the local firm for future reference.

'oh, so you won't be with me this evening either'
'That's the plan dear'.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 23/02/2015 09:45

Surely if he works outside the home he takes the car all day and leaves you without it?

Dowser · 23/02/2015 09:50

I wish I could have the time back that I spent on resentments , arguments, niggles, outrage that I had in the 33 years I spent with my ex. I'd like those 10 years right now please, not at the end of my life when I'm old and decrepit.

Do you see what I'm saying op? It's such a waste of time that you never get back.

When he has his children he needs to manage his time better. Maybe drop you off at your sisters then he can run the kids around , whatever works but silently or seethingly punishing you for it is not acceptable.

I'd keep a diary of it all, then have the chat with him or decide do I Nt that life for the next 20 years.

My husband went off with someone else and boy did he do me a huge favour as the man I'm with isn't a bit like this at all.

You can feel the difference!

DustyBedhead · 23/02/2015 09:55

I wouldn't have a husband I had to walk on eggshells with. To put it bluntly he needs to grow the fuck up.

landrover · 23/02/2015 09:58

I couldn't resist keeping mentioning that I had a lovely day yesterday (with THE CAR!), wind him up properly, if he really wants to have a go!!!!

pictish · 23/02/2015 09:58

Oh OP how bloody tedious and emotionally draining for you, just waiting for the inevitable shit storm. Look it's it's just not on ok? His conduct isn't justifiable by any means. Are you to never have some time off for yourself lest he should have to take care of his own kids?

He sounds like a selfish, petulant, egotistical brat. How can you bear it?

gobbynorthernbird · 23/02/2015 11:02

We have 3 children together and I wouldn't split up the family for this behaviour

Are you confident he will never behave this way towards the DC? Are you happy for them to see their mother being treated so badly? Are they walking on eggshells as well?

EssexGurl · 23/02/2015 12:03

I am going out next weekend with my oldest friends and I am taking our one and only car.

DH will have the kids all day. There is no issue with this. If the weather is nice they will go for a walk. They will do homework and probably watch a film.

They will have a nice time. I will have a nice time. My one concession is to make sure he has a nice, easy to prepare tea so he can eat when suits him. He will be interested in what we did, what we talked about etc when we get back.

To me, this is normal. Your situation is not, I am sorry to say.

Summerisle1 · 23/02/2015 12:45

You have 3 children together and the lesson they are learning from his behaviour is healthy? I don't think so!

Sorry, but I couldn't live with someone who behaves like this. Nobody should be walking on eggshells in their own house. If he wants to have an argument or air what he considers to be a genuine grievance then he should have the bollocks to speak up and get his feelings out into the open so that you can try and address the problem. Right now he's behaving like a grumpy toddler who has been given the wrong sort of biscuit.

BellsUpMyNose · 23/02/2015 13:16

im on the fence here.
how did the conversation go when you said you was off to your sisters, was it im going out youve got the kids and im takeing the car bye or im going to my sisters do you want to drop me there so you can go out with the kids or shell i take the car.
because if it was the first id be pretty pissed off as well, but if it was the second then yeah i agree he is being a twat

BellsUpMyNose · 23/02/2015 13:17

oh and you shouldnt be walking around on egg shelfs thats not a good sign in a relationship

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