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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not give my sister a bday present?

13 replies

longbay · 22/02/2015 21:12

After nearly a decade of my sister 'forgetting' and 'not bothering' with my family's birthdays, I have finally decided that this year I will only send her a card. AIBU though? For years I have told myself that you shouldn't give to receive, however it's becoming a bit of a joke! I always give her, her husband & children cards & presents yet she rarely bothers with mine and on the odd occasion that she has it's been very late and quite frankly a second hand gift from her present drawer! E.g aged 2-3 yrs old boys pjs for my 5-6 yrs old girl?! Or a travel size lip balm for my bday from a large gift set I'd given her a few years previously!!

OP posts:
spanky2 · 22/02/2015 21:16

I would give her something from pound land as then she can't moan that you forgot her birthday.

WilsonWilsonWoman · 22/02/2015 21:16

YANBU!

HSMMaCM · 22/02/2015 21:16

She'll probably be relieved if you stop, so she no longer has to bother.

WorraLiberty · 22/02/2015 21:18

Of course YANBU

I'm sure she'll be happy with a card.

getawaynow · 22/02/2015 21:22

I don't give to receive but would be a little hurt by her lack of caring. Even a home made card from her child or £1 shop is enough to know at least she thought of you. I always spend more on my family than they do on me as I have more disposable income (I don't have kids), I appreciate a thoughtful gift or gesture in return. If they didn't bother with my birthday I would be quite hurt. I don't mean much just a cake or card. YANBU

ahbollocks · 22/02/2015 21:25

Yanbu- same problem here with SiL. You wonder why you bother

longbay · 22/02/2015 21:26

Maybe you've hit the nail on the head HSM?! Maybe that's what she wants to happen? But then why doesn't she just say so? She is not the sort of person who would have any issue in suggesting no more present giving.
However, the problem is we have other sisters and brothers who she doesn't appear to have any problem in forgetting their bdays??
It would feel odd that both she and I bought for them but not each other.

OP posts:
laughingmyarseoff · 22/02/2015 21:29

YANBU, I'd drop her a text then both with a card if she's not bothered about your family but does for others.

laughingmyarseoff · 22/02/2015 21:29

then bother*

longbay · 22/02/2015 21:34

All our sisters & brothers have bdays at the same time of year. Mine is in the winter however it's no excuse to forget it. Getaway it is hurtful but actually I feel more hurt when she forgets my DD's. In fact quite angry! She is also extremely well off too which makes the occasional 'remembered' present that she gives even more terrible.

OP posts:
laughingmyarseoff · 22/02/2015 21:36

Follow by her example OP, do the same for her.

GloriousGoosebumps · 22/02/2015 21:38

"However, the problem is we have other sisters and brothers who she doesn't appear to have any problem in forgetting their bdays?? "

Are you saying that your sister has no problem remembering your other siblings birthdays? If so, don't you think she's sending you a message? For some reason she doesn't value you the way that she values your siblings and you let her get away with this behaviour. Just stop buying her and her family birthday presents. She'll never have the nerve to say anything.

longbay · 22/02/2015 21:53

I guess I've always been a bit scared of her reaction Goosebumps. She has some MH issues that aren't really properly out in the open so the family let her get away with all sorts of pretty appalling behaviour. We're all too scared to say no to her.

OP posts:
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