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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH comment about morning sickness

52 replies

OhahIlostmybra · 22/02/2015 20:58

I realise I am hormonal, given I am 19 weeks pregnant but DH just irritated me with a comment he made. He cannot even see how I could in any way shape or form have a glimmer of irritation. Which is irritating enough.

I had very bad sickness for about 9 weeks of this pregnancy and the same last time. I'm not quite sure he grasped how hard and exhausting it is.

I told him today that one of the mums I know has 3 and she never suffered a moment of sickness with any of her pregnancies. He responded with 'gee she is like superwoman'. I tried it explain that that was a little annoying to me as the sickness was totally out with my control. I said I wouldn't compare her to a superhero, more just lucky. He doesn't get my point at all - AIBU?

Or am I being hormonal!

OP posts:
MrsMook · 22/02/2015 22:05

I remember the "other peoples' pregnancies" rant at 17 weeks with DS1. I was only just beginning to emerge from the all-day-mega-brunch-nausea that had me fainting in work and losing a significant amount of weight despite gaining bump. With hindsight I was moving into the early stages of SPD that later had me pretty much housebound. I had no energy to clean up for his mum visiting in a few days time (I was working pt, after having lost my casual ft work following the fainting/panic attack / m/c scare that meant I as unreliable for the work required). I was sorely pissed off that my body was still feeling so shit long into the second trimester. I remember shouting at him that he didn't know whether his colleagues crashed out or were functional after getting in from work.

It probably wasn't intended as a derogatory comment about the effects that pregnancy has on you, but any comparative comments are likely to go down like a lead balloon when pregnancy has left you feeling crapply for months.

Stardustnight · 22/02/2015 22:05

I agree with museumum but GirlWhoPlayedWithFire - Hahaha Grin gormless DH!

zippey · 22/02/2015 22:14

Well you hurt your dh's feelings for an off the cuff "funny" remark. He was probably only having a laugh. It will make him think twice about trying to speak his mind or lighten the mood. Maybe that's not such a bad thing if he often puts foot in mouth, but really the comments aren't bad and he was talking about someone else, he wasn't dissing you.

Also remember that as men don't have to directly go through pregnancy that he won't really have a full understanding.

Original poster
OhahIlostmybra · 22/02/2015 22:18

Zippey how have I hurt his feelings? He isn't bothered. My feelings are hurt.

OP posts:
Bluetonic123 · 22/02/2015 22:23

I second that YABU.

However you are pregnant and have bad morning sickness and are therefore perfectly entitled to be unreasonable.

Alisvolatpropiis · 22/02/2015 22:30

I think yabu, a bit. But it very much depends on the tone in which he said it. So I can see why it may well have rubbed you up the wrong way too.

I found my husband didn't really "get" how awful I felt when I had morning sickness from weeks 5-17 of this pregnancy. He tried but just didn't get it. I managed not to kill him which is all anybody can expect of me really.

Gruntfuttock · 22/02/2015 22:41

I don't think your DH said anything wrong at all. In fact, "gee she is like superwoman" is something I can imagine a woman suffering from morning sickness would say about another woman who had never suffered from it in 3 pregnancies. It doesn't reflect badly on you and it doesn't mean he doesn't realise how awful it is for you.

TheAnalyst · 22/02/2015 22:58

I am afraid that it does sound like a really bizarre thing to take offence over.

But his comment is not the real issue; the real issue is that you think he has minimised how your morning sickness is affecting you, and this has been going on for a while. So maybe you need to talk about that - but getting angry over this innocuous remark is not the right way to go about it.

Momagain1 · 22/02/2015 23:03

I really don't think he was attempting to insult you with that. It sounds like it was meant to be a sarcastic joke at her expense, but your hormones and your own envy/resentment toward her luck have you imagining intentions he never had.

NeedABumChange · 22/02/2015 23:35

Sorry but I think you are being over sensitive.

Not suffering in pregnancy is a valid superpower.

woollytights · 23/02/2015 07:13

YABU really. I suspect people saying YANBU are mostly doing so because you have the excuse of pregnancy for feeling more sensitive. But the last thing you need is a row over something so silly, so I would just forget the incident entirely and move on. People need to realise that not every single thing a human being says and does merits extreme scrutiny. There's too much of this on mumsnet, the DH is most likely a normal chap, not an "arse", who made a throwaway innocent comment not expecting dozens of strangers online to rule his wife up about it.

TiggieBoo · 23/02/2015 07:27

I think yabu, sorry. This comment on its own means absolutely nothing.

Marylou62 · 23/02/2015 09:33

My 2nd pregnancy was awful...I had a scan at 6 and 7 weeks...I was told to have a full bladder...scan was delayed and I had to go for a wee...I just had too...My DH made out I was the only women in the world who couldn't wait...I was sick and crying...long time ttc then a massive bleed...scan lady saw my distress and basically read my DH the riot act..thankyou ..I will never forget her....But I think my DH was as worried as me and it came out as him questioning me ...DD now 21 and I still feel a bit ...?..Men I think are a bit lost when it comes to pregnancy and often say the wrong thing...chin up...I had a good pregnancy from about 20 weeks...I feel for you..

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 23/02/2015 09:39

I'd be sick on him.

DrCoconut · 23/02/2015 10:00

I am currently in the full throes of morning sickness and it is starting to get to me. I think DH gets sick of me "moaning" at times and needing so much rest (I'm permanently exhausted) but so far he hasn't dared say anything! I would probably turn into she hulk if he did. Sympathies, it stinks feeling so vile all the time.

bubalou · 23/02/2015 10:24

Wow Hmm what an arse.

I am clearly a weak and lazy person as I am 26 weeks pregnant and between weeks 7-15 I was horrendously sick with hyperemesis.

I couldn't move when it was at its worse, couldn't keep down water - I lost over a stone, was hospitalised and put on a drop several times as well as medication etc.

Sickness and nausea is horrendous - I didn't have any with DS 1 so surely I was superwoman then? Confused

Show DP this thread and tell him he's an asshole.

Hopeful he will get a horrid cold or something soon and when he is unwell and moaning you can say 'well man up and be superman'! Wink

zippey · 23/02/2015 11:45

If you show your DP this thread, please let him know that he has support too, from about 40% of the posters here.

Bubalou - he wasnt inferring that you or the OP are weak. In fact, if he was inferring anything, it is that you and the OP are normal. It was maybe a compliment to OP's friend, or even a backhanded compliment (meaning, not sure if he actually believes the friend). It wasnt a slight against the OP. One comment does not equate to the other. Therefore I dont think OP has any reason to feel upset.

JCDenton · 23/02/2015 12:10

There's too much of this on mumsnet, the DH is most likely a normal chap, not an "arse", who made a throwaway innocent comment not expecting dozens of strangers online to rule his wife up about it.

So much this.
"My DH did something that wound me up a bit today, AIBU to be upset?"

"Wow, what an arsehole. Tell me, OP, is your "D"H always this charming? Why are you even with this idiot in the first place?"

Everyone is an arse sometimes. The number of posters who take one episode of the OP's life and conclude that their husband/partner/sister/mum/whatever is a terrible person is one of the worst things about this subforum.

bubalou · 23/02/2015 12:14

Really Zippey?

I'm not sure that's the way I would take it at all!

kentishgirl · 23/02/2015 13:21

I can see why you found it irritating, but I don't think he meant it as a criticism of you. He probably meant it in a 'wow she's unusual' or 'she must be an alien' jokey way? Or do you really think he is stupid enough to think it's a case of effort of will/strength whether you get morning sickness or not? We all know it's just luck. I was lucky not to get any. I kept fainting instead. Luck (or not) of the draw.

Sorry you are feeling so rotten right now.

MQv2 · 23/02/2015 13:30

Completely unreasonable and over reacting.
So add another voice of support for your husband if he is to be shown this thread

Beesandbutterflies · 23/02/2015 13:37

Yanbu

my dh once told 2 of our friends that morning sickness 'wasn't that bad!'
The F**ker!
Extremely irritating, you have my total sympathy

JudgeRinderSays · 23/02/2015 13:43

I think you are being over-sensitive.It was a throwaway comment and sounds as though it was meant a bit sarcastically anyway.

Hissy · 23/02/2015 13:49

HOW was the comment said? was it sarcastic, or was he being genuine?

GatoradeMeBitch · 23/02/2015 14:06

AIBU - where people are hell-bent on twisting the DH's words till they are as flattering as possible, then beating the OP over the head with them...

Why is it we never allow that the person who was in the actual conversation may have a better understanding of how things were said? OP said, she explained why the comment hurt her, he doesn't care. Does that make him sound like a particularly sympathetic character?

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