to wish people were more straightforward (re arranging things)

[finnbarrcar]

I had a great day out with friends yesterday, they are so straightforward and good fun. We got to talking about making arrangements with some mutual friends and realised we were both constantly given the runaround by them. Does anyone else get confused and angry about this treatment?

If I receive a text from someone saying "Do you want to do X on the 15th?" I'll reply right away with one of the following

1. Yes, that be great see you then
2. Will have to check DH's shifts but hopefully yes and will get back to you ASAP.
3. No, sorry, we're doing X that day, hope you have a great time or let me know if you rearrange

What I would never dream of doing is

1. Not bother replying at all and having to be chased up for an answer
2. Texting back "not sure what we're up to that day" with no other follow up..that always sounds like "waiting for a better offer" to me.

Why do people do this? I get it that if you don't know your work schedule you might not be able to make a firm commitment, but why not just SAY that instead of being all vague and arsey.

Is it just me?

do they have a lot of commitments? most of my friends and myself included are more last minute people. we never seem to make plans more than a few days in advance. if someone gave me a far off date i would say i don't know yet as a million things could come up between now and then. my family are also last minute people and not to be relied on so if i needed a babysitter i wouldn't be able to say if i could get one until more or less the day of. they are known to cancel on me a few hours before im about to go somewhere.

No they're not any more busy than most people, don't work shifts and youngest DC is 17 so no need for a babysitter.

I can understand how your situation would warrant a more vague response. That's why I created the thread, I genuinely want to know how some people can't give a straightforward yes or no answer.

Thanks for contributing.

No it's just rude! They seem to be saying that they'll wait and see if a better offer comes along.

i can see how that would be annoying. im very upfront about the fact that i won't know if i can do something until i can sort a babysitter and all my friends know what my family are like so they expect it.

i only say i am going somewhere when i 100% know i can i hate letting people down.

Yes I find this extremely annoying. I'm in my 50's so friends don't haveto worry about babysitters, but its surprising how many people won't give you a definite answer.
It often gets that you can't arrange outings for several weeks in advance because 'people don't know what they are doing' but if you try and arrange things last minute people already have plans.
It smacks of wanting to choose the best offer

I've just started a very similar thread about flaky people! I feel your pain and am really craving the company of some more straightforward friends.
We have a fair few but more and more of them seem to be tipping into the unreliable category of late, I don't understand why

Don't arrange anything more with them - if they miss you they,ll soon begin to make an effort.

To be fair some people just don't like to be scheduled so far in advance.

One of my sisters lives at the other end if the country from me and our folks. I'm a planner and when I know she's coming up (eg atChristmas) I'd prefer to be organised so I know which days to keep free for her. She hates this kind of organisation though and much prefers to 'go with the flow'. As a result I'm not always free to see her and my nephews. It's her choice though.

I'm with you OP, I'd rather someone just said "no" straight off than give a vague response. I hate chasing things up with people as I don't like to feel as though I'm badgering them.

It's very annoying OP, especially when you get no response so you arrange something else and they get humpy. I know someone like this, she got so annoyed when, after a week of no response from her, she text the friend to find out if everything was still on the day before and got a 'sorry but I didn't hear from you so I made plans'.