To buy my child a toy if I want to??

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My DD got a small Paw Patrol figure from someone at Christmas, a little dog that she plays with constantly and she's now become obsessed with the cartoon. (If I'd known she'd be so in love with it, I would have got her some for Christmas.)

Out today and I saw some figures the same as the character she had, so picked two up to buy. I'd been looking out for them in the supermarket and hadn't seen any.

MIL and DH were with me, and MIL asked me why I was buying her toys, and then tried to give DH the money when I wasn't looking.

It really pissed me off. Little comments for the next hour about me not working and poor DH looking after us all.

AIBU to just see something I knew my DD would love and get it?? Surely it's just one of the lovely things about having a child that you can occasionally do this?

Really he should be on your defence, no mother, it's fine we like buying dd little toys sometimes.

YANBU you're spending YOUR (i.e. belonging to your DH and YOU) money. You may not be working but you're contributing financially to the household and can presumably work out what little luxuries you can afford.

Whao, I think you should have gone on a shopping spree, OP, if your MIL, the anti-feminist, was going to reimburse your husband for everything you spent

You get paw patrol figures? Ds loves that programme!

My FIL is similar- it is buying when he disapproves and the whole I don't work but DH does so I am "frittering away DH's hard earned money"

You have my sympathy- when you go back to work your MIL will find something else to bang on about, probably about you going back to work... So I would just rise above it all.

No, that wasn't generosity, she was being blatantly passive aggressive. I'm glad you bought them. Try to minimize the amount of time you spend with her. Conversely, you could have fun winding her up. As I get older I find myself preferring option two. So she wants to think you're a scrounger (I bet she's a Daily Mail reader...), let her enjoy it!

Your DH needs to put her right. How rude and nasty.

Uhm no, it's the nasty put-downs about 'not working' and 'frittering away my precious son's hard-earned money' that are bang out of order.

loki & meanwhile - our local Asda has just started selling the small plastic figures. They're a fiver each so extortionate for what they are but DS is so obsessed that I'm happy to pay. He'll get loads of use out of them! We've got Zuma and Ryder so far. If anyone areas Sky dog I'll pay you double for it. He loves her but our local shop doesn't have it.

Well EatShit, the OP knows the woman. If her MIL's behaviour pissed her off there was good reason for it.

There is a world of difference between saying 'Oh, I'd love to buy that for her, here let me give you the money', and sneakily trying to hand her son a tenner with the clear subtext of 'Here's the money that grabby cow just stole from you'.

Seriously though. You need to have a talk with your DH and tell him it's not on for him to just placate her with 'don't be silly' platitudes. What he needs to do is tell her straight out every time she says this sort if thing, that no, actually you and he are a team who are both working toward a good life for your family and your daughter and whose individual kinds of work is equally valid.

Ahh wow I've never seen sky anywhere!!!
Again sympathy about paw patrol toys. DS was desperate for the look out tower for Christmas but we couldn't get it until January!
I will be making a trip to Asda to have a look!
Has anyone else been disappointed Everest has only been in one new episode this week?

EatShitDerek - I would usually agree with you, and often that has happened with my parents and DH's brother... But she waited till after Id bought it and made a fuss of the fact that I buy my daughter toys when it's not a special occasion and it's not technically my money to spend.

DH likes to tease me about being with him just for his money He's a SAHP, among other things. In the early days I got raised eyebrows and comments about him being him being a 'kept man' from some relatives. I corrected those ideas. They now rightly recognise that he is a busy man, although I now get "you're lucky he does so much with the kids" comments sometimes. The main thing is we're a team, and our money is joint, and we complement each other. One would hope that the WOHP would always support the SAHP and vice versa and not permit erroneous ideas about who earns or deserves the money.