Roll up and come and tell me if AIBU. I can take it!

[Allingoodfaith]

Probably am but pissed off and fed up!

Am a SAHM and gagging to go back to work. I'm fed up of these four fucking walls. Fed up of being the house skivvy. The plan is for me to start at our new business in a couple of months when it's grown a bit.

Dp doesn't really pull his weight, he brings home the wage and I'm expected to do all the wifely things with out actually being one. He is supposed to spend all day Saturday with dd (20 months) as he only sees her in the morning before work. Supposed to take her out, visit mil ect anything so I get a fucking break. Sunday he plays football then it's football on the telly all afternoon, so even if he is in the house- he might as well be made out of fucking stone for all the use he is.

Now the Saturday outings have tailered off... Needing to see a friend here, visiting relative there, tired, sore hip ect..

I used to go running at night - which I loved. But now dp is going to the gym after work, which I fully support as he needs it, by the time he gets back it's too late for me to go. So I actually don't go anywhere at the moment apart unless dd is with me.

Last night dp said he was going for a meal with his mother and brother. Cool. Me and mil don't get on so if he sees her on his own it's a bonus. This morning he trots off to football, not his team, but he managed to get a game - still ok, he is trying to lose weight it's fine. He then comes back and starts pissing about with his brother doing 'odd jobs' at bils house. Ok. Dd was starting to get sick so wouldn't have been able to go. But he had not even fucking noticed at this point. He then comes back after a couple of hours, dd not well at all, crying wanting cuddles and temp. When he comes back he says his dad has booked for all his family to go go-karting.

Now at this point, I'm fed up. I'm struggling with dd who is crying like a maniac and I don't feel great myself. And I need a fucking break. My day is like ground hog day. One day I would just like a bit of help! So I say he is being selfish and go and get on my bed with dd. She falls asleep. This was at 4pm. He comes up, hugs me says he loves me and he will book us a weekend away (great so I can do all the same shit in a cottage somewhere else) after cuddling for about ten mins, he then gets up and say ' you don't mind me going do you ?" So after the 'makng up' I feel a bit shit saying no and say yes. He fucks off out. Cue dd waking up feeling like shit.

Now I know he is going out with his mum, so was expecting him back around seven and was actually going to ask him to stay in or at least see how ill dd was and choose to stay in. Come half seven no sign of him. Then I phone him. Phone off. Then I phone his dad who passes phone over. He had gone straight to the meal from go-karting. No thought to check up on dd, nothing.

Dd finally went up at 9:30 and he has just got in. Slid in to bed at the side of me so I slid out before I punched him in the throat.

He has just sent me a message saying I'm being unreasonable.

he can fucking well forfeit his football sunday today - totally agree you need the arrangements reset - he has one day on the weekend you get the other - if he chooses football for this that is his lookout- friday nights I wwould alternate - him - you - as a couple.

He's a selfish fuckwit tied to his mothers apron strings. Tell him to man up.

Sounds like he is detaching to me... Sundays football, staying out after work every night, not wanting to take DD out at the weekend, spending more time with his family when you don't like MIL....

next step will be to try to make you angry all the time and tell him to leave - then it becomes "your fault" (I have a BIL who is adept at this)

YANBU. I think you need to make solid plans every Saturday. He made plans with a friend? Too bad! Saturday is your day off, and you already made plans he should have checked with you first. I would make a point of getting up and leaving the house for the first few weeks, go visit a friend, visit your mum, anything but staying in.

Also he doesn't need to go to the gym 5 nights a week, you should be able to run on at least 2 evenings during the week. If he wants to lose weight he can get a baby carrier and go hiking with DD on Saturdays :). If it helps book in for a spinning class or arrange to run with a friend so he can't just not realise it was important or forget about the arrangement.

You should start with an equal amount of 'down' time each I reckon and work it out from there.

If he doesn't agree to that, ask him why exactly should he get more time to devote to himself than you do.

You'll know if you have a serious problem or not by how he reacts to this proposal...

YANBU. Everyone needs a break. He's putting his needs first and expecting you to put him first too.

I would be very reluctant to give up my financial independence for someone without marriage. Who owns the house/business? If you split you are in a precarious position.

I would get yourself something tjat gets you oit od the house on a saturday so he has to step up like perhaps a gym session followed by coffee and a bit of lunch then nails one week, hair the next ect.

He's living like a single man with no responsibilities for anyone else.

But he's not,he has a partner and children,he needs to step up.
He's getting loads of time alone and with his family and your getting what?Left to do everything on your own.

Ask him if it was his little girl that was left to do everything (when she's grown up)all the child rearing,cooking and cleaning and her OH left her and his grandchild on they're own all the time would he be happy?

I bet he wouldn't.It might be a way of getting him to realize how awful he's being to you and your LO.

Yanbu at all OP, he is being very self absorbed. You both need to sort some rules, especially sharing out chores he's a lazy bugger for doing nothing anyway- does he expect you to do all those still when you return to work?

I actually really like what a PP said about taking the same "me" time as DH takes and how it made him realise how often he did it. That's an excellent idea that I plan on remembering so thanks!

OP -What does he do after work during the week? He should be spending time with the child he hasn't seen all day. You can take that time to shower, eat, pee in peace..