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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be amazed that at the age of 39 people are still asking....

76 replies

listsandbudgets · 20/02/2015 23:35

where I went to school!!

Just been out to dinner with DP and met a couple who initially seemed very pleasant. However after a bit Mrs. Pleasant stated grilling me about where I went to university (ok can just about live with that) and then demanded to know where I went to school! I was so surprised I told her only to be faced with "I've never heard of it".. appears she went to a very famous ladies college.

Why on earth did she want to know and AIBU to think that at 39 (she was 45!!) we should be beyond such enquiries.

OP posts:

holeinmyheart · 21/02/2015 11:08

I have two gym buddies who went to Boarding school at the age of Seven. I was out walking with them as usual and we talk all the time about this and that. We were discussing wallpaper and one of them suddenly said ' I don't like wallpaper! Quite surprised I said ' why not ? She replied ' it reminds me of people who live in council houses, it's the sort of thing they have !

I told her she was a snobby twonk. Her day goes like this , breakfast, luncheon and then Supper, not dinner. They both have cut glass English accents. My Parents were economic migrants to England so I can't be placed very easily although I have no detectable accent.

I am wealthier than they are but sometimes I regard them as a different species. Boarding school appears to have made them very Independant emotionally.
Where you went to school seems very important to English people. I think it is rude to ask direct questions. Ie How old are you etc.

funnyossity · 21/02/2015 11:10

It's only important to a subset of people though, most of us are surprised when the question crops up beyond the age of 18.

thatsucks · 21/02/2015 11:12

I think it's odd OP - I know loads of posh peeps who probably went to Well Known Posh Schools but it really doesn't come up in conversation unless, someone srealise you came from similar area and might have mutual friends.

SunnyBaudelaire · 21/02/2015 11:18

I have never ever been asked this question.
As somebody else said it would only be ghastly try hard middle class types who would ask and I guess I do not mix with them.
Some girls who used to hang out with my bro used to get all snotty that they had been to some decadent establishment like Cranborne Chase but I would do my best to ignore them.

AuntieDee · 21/02/2015 12:15

A good answer to these sort of questions is 'Why do you want to know?' - usually shuts them up...

CMOTDibbler · 21/02/2015 12:25

I was never asked, but as I studied physics at uni it didn't tend to attract the type of people who care, and similarly in my career. I went to the local comp, but there wasn't any choice where I lived anyway.

toffeeboffin · 22/02/2015 00:17

This is the reason I live abroad - nobody cares about where you went to school or what your dad does for a living!

toffeeboffin · 22/02/2015 00:20

Mind you, better then being asked 'What estate are you from?', meaning council rather than family seat!

Just one of the perks from being from Lancashire

TrollsTrollsEverywhere · 22/02/2015 00:42

ToffeeBoffin thats a bit of a sweeping statement. I have lived in quite a few countries and not found that to be the case at all. We were pleased to be able to send the kids to normal state schools when we returned to the UK

EddieStobbart · 22/02/2015 00:46

It's basically "where are you from" for those from private school backgrounds. And "from" means far far more than just geography.

Notrevealingmyidentity · 22/02/2015 00:56

Only asked by people who were privately educated. I had a charming bloke once tell me he would never date anyone who hadn't been to a private school.

It's a supposed way of judging social status.

I usually say I went to a state comprehensive in . That usually shuts them up.

Dieu · 22/02/2015 01:14

Haven't read the whole thing but agree with the poster who said that it's the norm to ask this in Edinburgh.

squoosh · 22/02/2015 02:04

It's the norm to ask this in Dublin too. More to see if you have friends in common than anything else. I went to a state school so am definitely not prodding to find out whether the person I'm speaking to is posh enough to warrant my chat.

carabos · 22/02/2015 08:12

I was advising a client on his cv. He had it running to half a dozen pages of guff including all the details of his GCSEs and A Levels. I suggested to him that he cut all that out because what's needed is a candidate's most senior and most recent qualifications. In his case having a MA from St Peter's College Oxford plus some job related certification makes it clear that he has sufficiently appropriate lower level tickets.

He put it all back in on the grounds that if he didn't, nobody would know what school he went to (well known public school). He works in the NHS ffs.

AuntieDee · 22/02/2015 08:43

''He put it all back in on the grounds that if he didn't, nobody would know what school he went to (well known public school). He works in the NHS ffs.''

Did you intend for this to come across as derisory and rude as it does?

Latara · 22/02/2015 08:47

I'm 38 and I still get asked that question quite a lot!

Two times by quite snobbish ex-public school types (men) who were clearly trying to find out if I was good enough for them..

But other times it's been people from the same small town as me to find out if I know certain people they knew at school - our small town only had one large comprehensive that most people went to.

Recently a patient asked me and started telling me stories from his school days when he found out I'd been to the same school. He was 64! He told me the age he was when he started spending his lunch money on cigarettes instead of food and how much he regretted it (he's dying of COPD sadly).

Latara · 22/02/2015 08:49

I will add that my patient went to my old school when it was a 'Secondary Modern' as Comprehensives didn't exist in his day.

Andrewofgg · 22/02/2015 09:05

Say you went to an approved school. That'll fix them.

halfwildlingwoman · 22/02/2015 09:47

When I am at my ILs, or in the chippy, I read the Daily Mail to find out what the enemy is up to. They ALWAYS mention the school attended by the subject of the article. Once you notice this, you can't stop looking for it. It perfectly sums up their dysfunctional snobbish outlook.

Lovemycatsandkids · 22/02/2015 11:56

She sounds a crashing bore.

And emotionally stunted.

Pico2 · 22/02/2015 12:10

YANBU. When I was interviewed for my current job, the interviewer said "you haven't put you school on your CV". I said, "I don't think it matters any more". He agreed with me and asked where I went to school anyway and seemed very pleased with my answer - as if it really did matter. It was rather bizarre. Some people are rather hung up on schools. I think they are looking for validation for spending a lot of money on something that could be obtained without paying.

ToffeeCaramel · 22/02/2015 12:14

I've noticed people tend to hark back to the last time they felt successful. So if they went to a good university, but haven't felt that successful since then, they will probably still talk about their degree and university for decades. If the last time they felt successful was when they got into grammar school/private school, that will be dropped into the conversation a lot.

ARoomWithoutAView · 22/02/2015 12:18

Pico2 yes I agree, it can be a snob thing. Like must get a holiday home, must get kids into private school, otherwise we will not feel good round the dinner table. IME a lot of this comes from social climbing and fear. I know people who went to state school, one guy started with nothing now with £20m in the bank, age 40, still drives round in a 15 year old battered people carrier, with well balanced kids, and it is all about what you can do for people. If you can do good things for other people, in business or outside of business, it sells. A private education is good, as long as the money isn't wasted.

StarCrash · 22/02/2015 12:23

Definitely a public school thing. I remember when I first met my now fil he asked me where I went to school. Considering I grew up 300 miles away I was rather confused and replied 'errrr townimfrom comp'. I think he was equally confused that he hadn't heard of it! I am now aware that it's often part of the idle small talk that they are used to and they rarely take a huge interest or actually remember what I say!

carlywurly · 22/02/2015 13:52

I went to a posh school. It mustn't show as I don't recall ever having been asked about it

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