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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To never have a holiday with DH again?

25 replies

Supergluerules · 20/02/2015 16:24

We have secured child minding for 3 days, yet, as usual DH is "not well". I'm so fed up with organising a few days away only for him to be ill in some way. He's now on the bed watching some random cr*p on Dave. I could have saved £350 by staying at home!

I'm just so annoyed by this repeated action from him

OP posts:

Hathall · 20/02/2015 16:28

He is faking illness to avoid going on a little holiday??!

WorraLiberty · 20/02/2015 16:28

Are you saying he's lying, or is he really ill?

If he's lying then of course YANBU because it would indicate that he doesn't want to go away with you.

If he's just ill then YABU, although I can understand your disappointment.

CuddlesfromChickens · 20/02/2015 16:30

So you are away from home and he's 'not well'? So therefore not participating in days out etc?

If he doesn't need cared for and has form for this I'd leave him in the hotel and go out by myself.

YouTheCat · 20/02/2015 16:30

As soon as the holidays hit, I get ill. This half term I had a temperature, sore throat and ached all over within 2 hours of school ending.

Did he want to go away?

Leeds2 · 20/02/2015 16:31

If you are on holiday now, leave him on the bed and go out and do something by yourself. And next time, I would go with a friend.

(I am assuming that he is not in fact ill.)

mumeeee · 20/02/2015 16:32

Is your DH really ill or is he lying? If he is ill he can't help it and YABU.

MagratsHair · 20/02/2015 16:33

Did he want to go on holiday?

This is one of those threads where I wish we had both sides :)

NimpyWWindowmash · 20/02/2015 16:33

How annoying.

Go out by yourself and have fun! It is possible, just go out and do as you please.

firesidechat · 20/02/2015 16:37

I'm quite often ill on holiday. I think it's a combination of tiring holiday prep, excitement and the shock of being able to relax. In no way am I trying to sabotage the holiday because I love going away with my family.

As a child my eldest was always ill in the first few days of a break and on her birthday. Loads of photos of her slumped and pale over a lovely birthday cake.

GoadyGeisha · 20/02/2015 16:45

If you are not currently on the holiday then go by yourself and enjoy the break!

If you are already there then just carry on with your plans of days out etc. I know that's easier said than done especially if you are not used to doing things by yourself but try not to let his illness impact on your 'time out'.

GoadyGeisha · 20/02/2015 16:47

Ah, it's just sunk in that you are already away.

If in a hotel take advantage of the gym, sauna, beauty treatments (especially a relaxing massage!).

If in a holiday cottage get yourself out and about visiting stuff in the local area.

hamptoncourt · 20/02/2015 16:48

You say this is "repeated action" so he has done this before?

Do you think he is really ill? What does he stand to gain by faking illness? Do you have a different idea of what makes a fun holiday? Do you think he just doesn't want to spend time alone with you

I agree with PP - leave him to it permanently

MelonBallersAreStrange · 20/02/2015 16:52

You aren't staying in all day in the hotel with him are you?

MrsDiesel · 20/02/2015 16:53

I would just make the most of it by myself.

JugglingLife · 20/02/2015 16:56

I think he might feel better if you get on the bed with him Superglue.........

muminhants · 20/02/2015 17:00

I used to have this all the time with my DP. Nearly every holiday he'd be ill, or ill the night before we went so we nearly didn't go, or something.

It hasn't happened so much in recent years. I can't actually remember a holiday where I've been ill, although time of the month can be somewhat sabotaging for a day or so if only because I need the loo every five minutes.

I feel your pain but go out and see the area. I spent an afternoon trying to cram in everything in Copenhagen in that time, as I thought we'd have to go home early but he managed to get something from a pharmacy that helped and was much better the next day.

2rebecca · 20/02/2015 17:51

Why do you not go away on your own? If I had booked a holidays somewhere for only 3 days and my husband was mildly unwell (he doesn't sound as though it's serious) I'd go without him and would expect my husband to do the same. Different if you are in hospital.

GatoradeMeBitch · 20/02/2015 17:54

My DS would do this. He has Asperger's and hates being away from home and any change in routine. Any chance your DH is on the spectrum?

Titsalinabumsquash · 20/02/2015 17:57

My DP does this funnily enough, every holiday, public seasonal celebration he'll get an upset stomach, it's flipping annoying but he's not the type to do it to get out of going or because he doesn't want to participate, I don't actually know what causes it.

ragged · 20/02/2015 18:00

Mine can't handle stress of holidays, either!!

FinallyHere · 20/02/2015 18:02

Sorry to hear this break is being spoilt again for you. I'd echo those saying leave him to it and go and enjoy yourself.

What happens if he has a few days holiday at home?

Getting ill everytime you stop work is a serious sign of stress. We have had training on spotting the signs of stress and burn out in staff, and this is one of the classic symptoms. It might indicate that the person is running on adrenalin to get themselves through the day. That is the fight or flight hormone which humans have, which helps us escape from major predators. All else is forgotten, it kicks in as we are being threatened by a tiger or whatever.

When we are under stress, everything starts to look like a tiger and we dint get a chance to come down until a few days off. Then bamm, you feel bad and are very vulnerable to any bugs etc going around, which have been kept at bay while you are fleeing from the tiger.

Worth a check up, just in case. GPs will recognise this pattern of behaviour. Good luck with your holiday, meanwhile.

l12ngo · 20/02/2015 18:36

I think this is an actual thing because it happens to me (even if I'm not going away) and others I know. Basically I think you tend to wind down and relax ready for your break but you leave yourself open to bugs.

I would always use to try and take holidays in longer blocks as I knew I'd be sick the first week. You could try not telling him you have something planned next time.

If he's faking it though, he's an arse.

paxtecum · 20/02/2015 18:43

He can't be very ill or he wouldn't be wanting to watch tv.

What is he like at home? Does he want to spend time with you or does he do his own thing?

geekymommy · 20/02/2015 19:01

When I was a kid, I remember being sick at holidays a lot. We'd go visit my grandparents at Christmas or Easter, and I'd be sick. I was sick enough that it was obvious I wasn't faking it. It happens.

Does he eat very differently on holiday than he does at home? That can make some people feel sick. Or if he's working extra hard to cover being gone, or if he's working hard on preparations for the holiday, that could make him more vulnerable to getting sick.

Some people will watch TV even if they are very sick. Several years ago, I had a nasty case of food poisoning, where I was vomiting all day. We're talking not being able to keep water down for a day here. The only thing I was up to doing was lying in bed and watching Groundhog Day on TV. I wouldn't have been up to watching anything challenging, but there is non-challenging stuff on TV all the time. Or if he has diarrhoea, he might need to stay near a bathroom at all times.

Original poster

Supergluerules · 21/02/2015 08:03

Thanks for the replies, he does have a rotten cold & I'm just fed up with the fact we aren't spending 'quality' time together. (I am known for my astute lack of sympathy!)

There are some work problems that he was told about just as we were leaving that have added to this, so the stress of that hasn't helped - but why always him? He did want to come away - honest!

Took above advice & went & did some shopping instead :-) which was actually cathartic as no DCs in tow for a change. Weather too miserable to do much exploring unfortunately.

Have issued strict instructions for next planned trip....

OP posts:

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