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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To keep on and on at DD about this?

51 replies

MrsTawdry · 20/02/2015 14:41

She's almost 7 and she's never still. We get her out and about daily...as she goes loopy otherwise but when we're just sitting in the sitting room she is NEVER STILL.

She's lifting the furniture up and down, she's running about....she constantly opens the writing bureau lid or rocks on her chair making banging noises.

She flicks stuff. I feel like I am always saying "DD stop that!"

AIBU to go on? Am I over sensitive? She doesn't do this in school.

OP posts:

Seriouslyffs · 20/02/2015 16:12

Wow. You really don't like being told do you? Knock yourself out, nag away rather than try some of the many other solutions posters have suggested.
Have a to go with the

geekymommy · 20/02/2015 16:12

Is there something she could fiddle with that would not bother you so much? Fidgeting is exercise, and it is good for you. Would it be possible for you to not be in the room with her while she watches her show, if her fidgeting bothers you so much? If she's causing damage to the furniture or doing something unsafe, you'll have to find something else for her to do, but if she's not damaging anything, it might be best for you to just find a way to let it annoy you less.

StayGoldPonyBoy · 20/02/2015 16:23

DH is a fidget, he's also a drummer only downside is when he's away from his kit for a few days on holiday he will drum on me and DD!
Get her to use it productively, learn an instrument, to knit, crochet, anything fiddly. Just give her something to do. Telling a fidget to keep still isn't going to get you anywhere, mine is 26 and he even fidgets in his sleep!

BoyFromTheBigBadCity · 20/02/2015 16:56

I'm a fidget, sister is a fidget, Dad is a fidget. I cannot keep still - it actually drives me mad and feel anxious to try and keep still. the blu tac suggestion is a good one, I also sent away once for a stop smoking kit (having never smoked ever) since it had a twisty toy thing in it. Admittedly, this only works for my hands since i'm always tapping and shaking etc my feet/legs. Plenty of people have tried to get me to stop but I can't since I don't realise I'm doing it, and then it takes all my concentration to sit still and its awful. I'm the same as your dd - completely engrossed in my book/film but fidgeting - I'm also told I move in my sleep a lot. I am currently leaning t crochet which again keeps my hands busy.

orangepudding · 20/02/2015 17:02

It sounds like she can't help it.
I agree with others who say get some fidget toys.

littlejohnnydory · 20/02/2015 20:23

I think yabu to keep on at her. The fiddle toys people suggested sound like a good idea. Two hours tv every day is quite a lot though, if I've read that right.

JudgeRinderSays · 20/02/2015 20:27

I think over tiredness can sometimes be a factor too.Is she worse in the evenings?

Claybury · 20/02/2015 20:36

Agree with judge
Sometimes children (and puppies ) get very active when tired to keep themselves awake.
If she's good at school hopefully it's not a serious problem. Maybe it's after being well behaved at school. She'll probably grow out of it.

hopful · 20/02/2015 20:40

I didn't read seriously post as patronising she was just giving you alternatives the paint as it is messy.

My ds1 (6) is a fidget too. I don't seem to notice but it drives dh mad.

Charley50 · 20/02/2015 21:33

Can you get her a space hopper so she can space hop while watching tv?

TrollsTrollsEverywhere · 21/02/2015 00:07

Neither of my DDs could ever sit still. They weren't running around so much but they had to be fiddling doing something, I never considered it to be anything other than completely normal. Even now the youngest is 18 she still can't sit and watch the TV without doing a suduko or playing a game. It's got no relation to their consentration skills. They are both very focused when they are studying.

CavalierQueenCharlotte · 21/02/2015 08:04

I love claybury saying kids and puppies. I bet her house is lovely

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 21/02/2015 08:38

My DD is the same age and just like this. So has no concept of how noisy she is. At school shes a little angel.

Only time shes ever somewhat still and quiet, is when shes asleep.

RandomMess · 21/02/2015 08:41

It sounds like she is trying very hard at school to conform to expectations so you are getting ALL of it at home which is tough going.

I think do your best to help her manage it for now but be open minded about there possibly being something else going on like ADHD?

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 21/02/2015 08:42

What about one of those excercize balls to sit on while watching Tv?

Theas18 · 21/02/2015 08:42

I knit and crochet as I'm a fidget otherwise ! Can recommend it . Start with a knitting dolly or crochet as the easiest to start off.

Lovemycatsandkids · 21/02/2015 11:58

I think you are very patient op as this would drive me nuts.

Think the advice re fiddle toys is a good idea.

CMOTDibbler · 21/02/2015 12:18

I'm a fidget fingers, and so is ds. If I'm sitting still, I find it hard not to do stuff like use my toes to lift things up, twiddle with edges of clothes and so on. It used to drive my dad totally bananas.
Ds has a tangle toy that confines all fiddling to that, so might be worth trying for your dd

BackforGood · 21/02/2015 13:29

Tali Mine is neither still, nor quiet, when she's asleep

I agree with random that if a dc is concentrating very, very hard on not doing too much fidgeting and moving around when they are at school, then it's all the more reason to let them relax when they are at home - um.. relaxing!

PiranhaBrothers · 21/02/2015 13:49

My youngest used to be like this and still is to a certain extent now he is 18. He always used to be doing something whether it is fiddling or chewing things (pens, plastic bottle tops etc). When he was younger he would chew the cuffs or collar on his school sweatshirt or the collar on his polo shirt. Looked like we had a plague of moths in the house!

Yes it's annoying but they don't realise they are doing it so cannot consciously stop. If you tell them to stop then it works for a short while but then they are off again.

I remember my youngest aged about 7 sitting on the floor watching tv and eating his sandwiches. Every now and then he'd do a forward or backward roll, used to worry he'd choke to death. He wasn't even aware he was doing it, he just couldn't keep still.

So yes, YABU to "keep on and on" at your daughter about this.

Seriouslyffs · 21/02/2015 18:47

Lovemy one of my dcs is like this and it is extremely wearing. However the OP accused me of being patronising when I suggested solutions.

TwoOddSocks · 21/02/2015 19:02

You need to give her a appropriate outlet for her fidgety energy. Get her a fidget toy or stress ball or teach her to knit. She's probably not doing it deliberately (although I can understand it's irritating) so I think you need to do something positive i.e. telling her what she can do rather than what she can't. Some people, like me are just fidgeters. If I've had to be still all day in an office I'm always pacing about at home or fiddling with stuff. I'm not going to stop but I will avoid doing it in a way that will annoy other people.

Original poster

MrsTawdry · 21/02/2015 19:29

Seriously Being told what? Get some better posting skills or expect people to get irritated at you.

I can't have her on a hopper...good idea whoever said that...but we live in a 2nd floor flat and it would drive my downstairs neighbour crazy I'm sure.

OP posts:

BrokenCircleBreakdown · 21/02/2015 20:40

I am guessing ffs meant you don't like being told to stop stop nagging her.

I didn't read her first post as patronising at all, she politely asked you to stop nagging your daughter and offered some suggestions. I agree with her, and I think it must be stressful for your daughter if you are by your own admission keeping on and on at her to do something she can't control.

DS1 couldn't sit still/was constantly fiddling with something till he was a teenager, so I do understand the irritation. I have 3 DSs now and the youngest is very spirited and struggles hugely with lots of simple daily transitions/situations. Different issues but what's helped me most is to understand that I need to change my reactions/behaviours/expectations/outlook and find creative/non standard solutions rather than expecting my child to do something that is beyond their capabilities.

Seriouslyffs · 22/02/2015 00:18

And as I later added one of my children is a real fidgeter and I find it really stressful- hence my solutions. He still sometimes does it now and I will tell him to stop it but he's 14, not 7 and does have more self control.
Of all the contructive suggestions and explanations it's interesting that you pick up on my apparently poor posting skills and the space hopper suggestion.
Why are you so keen that strangers on a screen validate your nagging?

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