"Do you think it would be more fun to be a Dad than a Mum?"

[Thurlow]

Question asked on a MN survey I've recently completed.

I can't even explain properly why this question has pissed me off so much.

It's as if 'they' (whoever wrote the survey) thinks there is a standard definition of a Dad and a standard definition of a Mum and we all do the same thing.

It's not that I don't think it is a really interesting question - as it applies to your family. Asking for a discussion about whether you feel you or your partner has the better time of it would be a fascinating and worthwhile conversation. But assuming that all women and all men fulfil the same role within a standard family set up, how is that remotely helpful to any debate or research?

The survey didn't even ask you to say whether you worked full-time, part-time or weren't working at the moment

For some reason this question has really, really annoyed me. AIBU? Or does anyone else think it's quite bad?

(I have emailed MN to say this but they just said it was part of a series of questions - though I fail to see how anyone's answer to that question would make sense without any explanation of who is doing what within the house)

I've seen you ranting about that survey on another thread.

I agree with you, think you're right to be angry, but I suppose playing to the stereotype is easier for them when thinking of what to write. Plus it's a stereotype because it's the majority experience.

Sit with me and have a and .

I agree it's a horrible question, a crap design study, designed to get crap results that can be used to get free coverage in newspapers/online happy to regurgitate shit 'cos it's cheaper than real content.

Yeah, sorry ROAR I got more annoyed by MN's response!

I'm pretty sure DH has far more fun as a parent than I do.

Well, I'd say no. I might have a traditional 50's mum life. But the DD's have 2 dad roles:
Their Father my exH doesn't manage his EOW contact. That would suck. I'd miss them too much.
My husband, their Step-Dad has to work away from home a lot. With crappy hours. Yes he does fun stuff but has many of those jarring 'they've changed so much' moments that he doesn't feel he gets to be Dad much.
I get fun and mundane time with my girls, I get me time and I bloody love it all really.
YANBU it's a very surface question. Very little depth or information gathered through it.

I thought that was odd question too.

Slightly more cheesed off by the Q that implied every respondent has a smartphone (I don't), (was something like, "do youever feel you spend too much time looking at smartphone" or words to that effect, and only poss answers were yes or no. Needed a not applicable!

Ah, someone else who did the survey! I struggled with one question that was along the lines of "I do most of the parenting and I'd like my partner to do more" - yes or no No room for any real explanation.

I worry about the sort of headline someone could get from that question. "8/10 mums don't find being a mum fun" or something like this.

The thing is, in is a really interesting debate. But only if you break it down to whether each individual feels they have more or less 'fun' than their partner does, in their current set up.

Sigh. I often have to explain that the my DDs arn't in day-care because DH is the a "full-time err... mum". People don't get how wounding the stereotypes can be, since I think we both get guilt, me that I couldn't be a hands-on mum - I struggle if I'm wrangling both for half a day, and DH that he's not the bread-winner. I do feel that if it wern't for assumptions like this we'd be fine about it.

I started doing that survey then abandoned it as it was shit.

I parent my children 99% of the time as I am divorced and they only see their dad 1 weekend a month. Of course he has more fun as a dad as he doesn't have to do all the daily drudge I do.

There was no option to enter any suitable responses so I gave up. Talk about stereotyping families

I almost wish I had done, Sidge. Hugely stereotyping.

And exactly, YBR. DP and I both work f/t but different hours, so we do the same amount of work, childcare and housework. I do appreciate that probably the majority of households have a p/t or SAHP, and the majority will be women, but it's not all. We're hardly a rare beast.

YBR - similar here. Although I've seen stats saying that just in over 10% of families with a SAHP that parent is the Dad. So it's not vanishingly rare, which you would think based on the reactions I get!