to get annoyed with myself for being so sensitive?

[scrunchiemount]

I take things really personally and I know I shouldn't but don't know how to stop. I get upset and tearful really easily over stupid things. For eg I keep having to change my username on MN because when I post asking for advice on things I sometimes get replies that aren't very kind and they genuinely upset me. I know it is ridiculous but don't know how to be different! I know being 'over-sensitive' is a massive character flaw and I would really like to erase it from myself IYSWIM. Anyone else got over it?

roland83 you sound just like me! I also have a very thick-skinned sister.

I can't actually stand up for myself properly at all, especially with family and friends - I just end up crying which then contributes to people taking me even less seriously than they already do. And then I end up apologising for being melodramatic.

I agree with you that some on MN really are very scathing and don't understand that what they say can be interpreted as hurtful by some people - you get some really snarky comments on here! Which is a shame as you get some lovely posters too (like the people on this thread!)

scrunchiemount read this book.

thank you JimmyCorkhill, that looks great

I cry easily too, and it annoys me.. I don't want to cry, I am trying to be firm and get my point across and then the stupid tears start and I feel like I've lost my self respect, or they think I'm putting it on to get the sympathy vote.

Not sure about you, but I never used to be like this.. when I was younger I don't think I was like this at all. I'm 31 now and I guess I've noticed it more and more over the last 7 or 8 years.

I just fell out with my family as I said in the nicest possible was that we didn't want as many visits. They live abroad and want to stay for a few days every 2-3 months and me and my partner really feel strongly that we don't like it or enjoy it. I got a lot of criticism for it, but I'm glad I spoke it and stopped being a "people pleaser" for once. It's taken me weeks getting over it, feeling guilty etc.. but I keep having to say "It's my life, not theirs, I need to stand up for what makes me happy".

The worst part is, the more you dwell on it, the worse it seems to get! It's a vicious cycle.

I've also noticed people don't understand as I'm very social when out, been part of large groups etc, but I like my space, my own time. I've dropped countless people who wanted to be my friend because I felt they were asking too much of me and didn't it when I said no to things.

Anyhow, I feel your pain! Especially on the thick-skinned sister.. gosh, mine makes me feel like such a freak sometimes, despite being successful in my life so far.

Sorry for some missing words, not sure what happened there!

it's a bit reductionist to say not liking small talk is an Asperger's sign
Hmm... I didn't actually say that, though, did I?

Maybe I'm being too sensitive...

I think I'll get that book too!

I like small talk, I hate silent gaps. I have to shut myself up sometimes though as I rattle on to people, such as the boiler man, or a plumber, and end up feeling so stupid. So maybe I hate small talk? Or I hate the fact that I have to use it to feel less odd.

SorchaN - I think that's half the battle in life now, everything is email and written down, it's hard to say what you mean without the possibility that it can be misread or misinterpreted. I too have wondered if I have Asperger's, but when I looked I didn't have hardly any of the signs for it.

Sorchan You said: And disliking it can be one of the indications of Aspergers... Not that I'm trying to diagnose you, of course.

It doesn't matter though, I wasn't offended! () It's just that working with Asperger's/Autism kids myself I do worry that we can sometimes be a bit keen to put labels on people who don't quite fit into the mould, as it were. Obviously the majority of these children are totally genuine sufferers who have been correctly diagnosed, but I have seen a few kids referred to us who were genuinely just introverted, shy children...but their parents (well meaning, obviously) thought it was so unusual that they must have something wrong with them.

Asperger's sufferers tend to not be able to 'do' small talk, rather than just dislike it. I can do small talk quite easily, I just find it draining

roland83 I seriously doubt you have Aspergers hun, there are way way more signs than just being shy/sensitive! My experience with Aspergers children actually is that most of the time they're sweetly oblivious rather than overly sensitive (although of course many are very sensitive to noise and disruptions in routine etc)

I totally get the friend thing, I used to have a really good friend in my teens who became too much for me when I went to uni as she wanted to talk to me on the phone every day. I hate talking on the phone at the best of times so I said to her nicely that I preferred seeing her in person when we could but she didn't take that well...friendship's never really been the same since. She equated me not wanting to speak on the phone with her all the time as me not being a good friend, which was so upsetting for me. I've lost a couple of friends in similar circumstances. And I have a very large, loving family but they can sometimes be a bit much...I have a lot of trouble saying 'no, I don't want to do that'. Most of the time I just make up white lies as to why I can't do something (work, feeling ill etc), as I find it so difficult to upset people by saying no!

Oh yes, same here.. the lies I tell for not answering my phone, it's quite embarrasing really!

I run my own business, so people always think I'm available to talk and I hate that, although I do love working on my own lol. I am just learning to say no, or I'm busy with work.. it's really not going down well though and I'm thinking people are so used to me being placid and going along with things that they don't like the new me.

Definitely not got Asperger's no, I guess I was wondering what was "wrong" with me.. but I'm realising now, nothing is wrong with me at all, people just don't like it when I don't do what they want.

My boyfriend is the same as me, so that helps in some ways.

I was on a very male dominated Uni course, not really any socialising and just bloke talk mostly, suited me just fine! I'm a tomboy anyhow, hence being on the course in the first place.. but I found the level of communication just right for me.

Asperger's sufferers tend to not be able to 'do' small talk, rather than just dislike it. I can do small talk quite easily, I just find it draining

I know what you mean... although I thought it was interesting that it was one of the things I was reading about girls with Aspergers - they do seem to be better able to do social things like small talk than boys with Aspergers, and it seems to be one of the reasons they're less likely to get an early diagnosis. Obviously it's part of a bigger picture (which is why I said a dislike of small talk thing can be one of the indications of Aspergers).

Still not trying to diagnose you though!

And I agree about the labels. I don't work with people with Aspergers, but there are two people in my family with the diagnosis (and now, potentially, my daughter as well). However, I do think it's worth investigating when there's any suspicion of Aspergers, partly because it's so underdiagnosed in the female population, and partly because if properly assessed and diagnosed, there's an explanation for whatever's been going on, and the possibility of interventions. So I definitely don't want to label anyone without justification, but I do think it's a good idea to investigate if there are several indications.

It's a really interesting field, isn't it? And lovely that the kids you work with have you to work with them.

Can I ask.. what difference would it make to have an Apserger's diagnosis in an adult? Especially if it were mild.. would it actually change anything?

I can see why in a child, schooling, home life etc.. but with adults?

I'm totally oblivious to all this, so excuse me if that's a stupid and rude question.

SorchaN Totally get where you're coming from, yes it's so important to check anything out that seems like it could be Aspergers, these kids have a much easier time of it once people know what the problem is.

And, thank you for your lovely comment, I do find my job very rewarding!

what difference would it make to have an Apserger's diagnosis in an adult?

It's a really good question, and there are differing views.

Some people might say that if you function much like a neurotypical person most of the time, it won't make much difference and the label is just there to pigeonhole you, which could have negative consequences, especially in a world where people with medical conditions and disabilities experience discrimination.

My view would be that it helps to explain why some things are difficult, and so it helps people to stop criticising themselves and thinking they're shit when in fact they're dealing with a health condition that causes the difficulty.

In my daughter's case (and she's not quite an adult yet), she's desperate for a reason for some of her difficulties - she's aware that people have some negative perceptions of her and she'd like to be able to say: this is why. If she gets a diagnosis of Aspergers, that will be her reason. Not everyone wants to share their diagnosis however.

Ultimately, some people want to know, and some people don't want to know - much like other health conditions, I suppose!

Yes, that makes a lot of sense really.

I can relate to it in some small way, when I read about introverts I thought "that's me! that explains a lot".. and now I don't feel as bad for just being me.

It's a tough world, every little thing that helps is worth having.

I hope your daughter finds a way to cope and get's the most out of life without there being too many difficulties.

It's a tough world, every little thing that helps is worth having.
So true! One thing I found helpful was Dorothy Rowe's work - her books are very good on the whole introvert/extravert thing.

I hope your daughter finds a way to cope and get's the most out of life without there being too many difficulties.
Thank you for your kind words!

Just a thought, but I was like this when I was on a certain type of contraceptive pill called Microgynon. I was hideously sensitive and could cry at the drop of a hat. When I was pregnant and thus not taking it, it really made a huge difference to my feelings and I realised with hindsight that it was the pill that was causing me to feel like that. Could be worth checking out if this applies to you.
I'm on a different pill now and much better.

I used to be painfully shy as a child and young adult, and it took me years of 'acting confident' before I really felt comfortable in my own skin and became less worried about what others thought of me.

I'm not really sure that I can understand the reasons for thinking that someone who is naturally shy/introverted has an undiagnosed condition whereas a thick-skinned extrovert doesn't?

To be honest, I love the company of quiet, sensitive people and find bombastic extroverts a pain in the neck!

Hi shaky, haven't used any hormonal contraception for years now so it won't be that unfortunately! And have really been like this ever since I was little.

Taxi, I know what you mean. The world is far more geared to extroverts and it isn't fair. Even little things like open plan offices are extrovert-oriented.

I had the dubious pleasure of sharing a train carriage with an 'extrovert' and his mate on the way home today. Boy, did he love the sound of his own voice or what! We all sighed with relief when he got off.

Definitely something undiagnosed going on there - either that or he was practising for his 'Towie' audition!

Oh OP I'm the same sometimes! My first post on MN was asking for advice (in Relationships, not AIBU), and I tried to reply to everyone posting because I didn't want people to feel left out/ignored. Then, when I had an update, I made a new thread because I didn't know how to find my old one (I know, silly of me) and some of the resulting posts upset me so much I didn't post anything again until 6 months later! I got all sorts, including I was deliberately turning it into a soap opera and I loved all the drama. It really upset me

WONAR, i totally get you, I posted asking for advice on a difficult relative and just got back loads of sarky comments and even got called a selfish cow - upset me so much I couldn't get back on MN for weeks and had to hide the thread and change my username...just don't think people who say those things over the internet think about the person on the other side.