To be upset on DH's behalf re:no birthday card from his DP's.

[Welshmaenad]

I suspect I probably am, nobody's entitled to cards and gifts, he's an adult, etc etc.

But no card from your parents on your birthday (or phone call, etc, they live other side of country) is pretty shite, isn't it?

They have a history of being disinterested, elder brother is golden child, but they've always managed a card and a £10 supermarket gift voucher in the past. It's his first birthday since my mum died and she made a big fuss of birthdays, my dad has given him a card and cash but I think I'm just struggling with it because my mum isn't here, and they're just crap and I feel bad for my lovely DH.

I think you might be highlighting your PIL's lack of effort if you try to prop up for them. It's didfficult.

They could ring him, yes. If you think it means a lot to him why not ring them yourself and say "I'll hand you over to the birthday boy...". Has he ever spoken to them about why he's treated differently? Some parents can be very clueless.

I don't know, I don't feel much about birthdays but make the effort for others. This sounds more about favouritism than actual birthdays. I think your mum and dad's enthusiasm has possibly just highlighted the fact that your husband's parents aren't interested in birthdays.

How does he feel about it? I guess you've made a fuss of him today?

"Happy Birthday, MrWelsh"

It was yesterday - I made allowances for it maybe being late, but nothing today either. I try to avoid contact with them wherever possible so it would be very obviously passive aggressive if I phoned and made them speak to him.

He did however have a big old fuss made of him by me and the littleWelshes which is all that matters I guess - and thanks for the birthday wishes!

My family don't really bother much with birthdays for adults ( they are great with the kids) and it doesn't matter to me at all. I got a card from my dad this year but nothing from my mum, grandmother or siblings. I find it odd that DPs family make such a fuss over birthdays for grown ups and a little embarrassing tbh. Unless it bothers him just leave him alone.

it's not unreasonable to find it shitty but some people just have that relationship with their parents. My husband's father sent him an excel sheet outlining how much he'd ever cost them in his life. Parent child relationships can get cold in later life

What are they like generally with him/you/your family, Welsh? Interested or just pre-occupied with their own interests and doings?

It is a shame when family isn't as cohesive as you'd want them to be. I think there are many families like that really, mine/my husband's is quite fragmented and although not distant, they don't really pull together as you'd think a family would. I don't know if that's any comfort knowing that you're not alone? How does your husband feel about it?

I suppose the only thing to do is make your own family - and those surrounding it who feel the same - as close knit as you can and hopefully it will plug the gaps and he/you won't mind as much.

Not acknowledging the day you gave birth to your child at all is odd, and sad.

Anerak... That's terrible - really, truly c-o-l-d!

Really Lynette? Even after 30 or 40 years? I think my mum probably remembers but only after its too late to send a card and then gets caught up at work or whatever and forgets to phone. I think its understandable.

This happened to my dp on his bday last year. 30th birthday and not even a card or a happy birthday from his parents.

I know they're emotionally distant but I could never get my head around that.

Emotionally distant sums them up quite well, actually. My family are really close and it never fails to baffle me how little they can be bothered with him/us/our dc.

I'm exactly the same. Dp has said that he prefers spending time with my family and when we do visit his parents they barely speak to one another.

We don't have children yet but could never imagine not even giving my son a card or even wishing him a happy birthday