To expect to have a miscarriage between DC1 and DC2

[CityDweller]

Apologies if this triggers for anyone.

Everyone I know (well enough to know, iyswim) of my generation and my mother's had a miscarriage between their first and second DC. So I'm sort of working on the assumption the same will happen to me. I have one DC and am trying for dc2, but am assuming if/when I do get preg it will end in miscarriage.

Am I being insane?

Enders

"I think everyone needs to be prepared to miscarry any pregnancy"

I know what you mean but I'd caution anyone against thinking that preparing yourself will make any difference if it does happen. You might as well assume the best and enjoy the excitement of pregnancy. (IME anyway)

I agree toomuch. If you start a pregnancy expecting to miscarry you'll make yourself sick with worry. Most people already do!

My mum had more miscarriages than I can remember. When I fell pregnant for the first time I was terrified that I'd inherited whatever problem my mum suffered from. I was so scared all the time I eventually had to give myself a stern talking to: that statistically I had every chance of a healthy, trouble-free pregnancy. And that's exactly what happened.

So although it's sensible to be aware that miscarriages do happen, I think it's wrong to fill yourself with doom unnecessarily.

We suffer recurrent miscarriage so I am not sure how my history fits in ' statistically'..... I had 3 losses, then DC1, then a 4th miscarriages, then DC2.

It's certainly not the norm though and I have many close friends and family members who have gone on to have 2nd (and beyond) pregnancies with no miscarriage.

Yes you're being insane. You are less likely to have a miscarriage auger having one successful pregnancy.

Endler32, I completely disagree. My motto has always been 'dont worry until there is something to worry about' and I say this is someone who has had 4 miscarriages.

I frequent a few pregnancy forums and it actually pisses me off when women stress and worry and fret unnecessarily. Trimester 1 is a precarious time but lots of women just need to get a grip imo.

I know what you mean. I mc between 1&2 (not before 1) and I know at least 5 other people who did too. However I also know lots of people who mc once or lots before #1 and some who mc between 2&3. I guess statistically it's very common to mc so if you have 2/3 children you've obviously got more opportunities for a mc to happen. I probably know more people (with more than 1 dc) who have mc than who haven't, but that's not to say it will happen to you. Just try and take each day as it comes and stay positive. It's kind of like when people around you are having bad luck and you are having good luck. You feel like you must have bad luck too soon but of course that's just silly.

It doesn't happen like that. I've had 8 pregnancies and miscarried pregnancies 1, 4 and 6 so no pattern. However my surviving children all have SN, DC2 and DC4 considerably more severely than DC1, DC3 and DC5. So I've always thought that if I had a 6th DC they would have severe SN, even though I know it doesn't work like that.

I mc before dc1, in between 1&2, and twice between 2&3.

Once you have a BFP, the statistically most likely outcome is that you will go on to have a healthy baby at the end of it.

IMO, there is a huge amount of reporting bias when it comes to pregnancy related problems. That is to say that, because pregnancy loss is so traumatic, women who have gone through it are far more likely to talk about it (of forums like this) than are women who have had dull and healthy pregnancies.

Rates of MMC for example are less than 1% of all pregnancies, but to read MN, you would think they occurred in every other pregnancy.

In the early days of my own pregnancy, I found this to be a really helpful resource, with a reassuringly large sample size.

Basically, once you get past about 7/8 weeks, you are, for the most part out of the 'danger zone'.

on forums like this

It sounds like anxiety due to you unfortunately knowing several unlucky ones.
1 in 4 experience miscarriage.
3 out of 4, therefore, don't.

And of the 1 in 4, it might happen before their 1st child or often their last as the risk increases (slowly) with age.

The Miscarriage Association can help you with anxiety of this nature and have a helpline.

I know what you mean OP - I know of many friends and family who miscarried between DC1 and DC2. My sister miscarried fairly recently after trying to TTC DC2.

I'm also TTC DC2 which is why I'm worrying about it too but I know that statistically it's random and it's just a big co-incidence that it seems to be a common thing.

It is unreasonable, but understandable. All of my mothers pregnancies were short, because my mother has a bicornate uterus (google it). The oldest of us were considered shockingly early, but she never miscarried.

Unreasonably, I was worried about my first being so early, reassuring myself that the large teaching hospital was the best place for us if so. Reader, dc1 was almost 2 full weeks late.

Conversely, besides having seen and held many full term nieces and nephews in the interim, all of whom were sent straight home with my aunts, (we all spent time in the nursery and could come home until we made weight.) she said it was strange to hold such big newborns when she held my children(only average sized) at home already on day 3.

yes xxx

God please don't call the miscarriage association (or any similar organisations) simply because you feel 'anxious' about having a miscarriage. These organisations are for women who have suffered the heartache of a loss / going through a miscarriage. They aren't able to cope with women who are worried they could have a miscarriage.

Same goes for Early Pregnancy Units. They are a vastly oversubscribed and underfunded service and should only be used by women that need the help.

Having used the MA throughout my miscarriages, tests etc I must say most of my calls were PRECISELY of the "oh god I'm so terrified" nature.
Their website is a wealth of accurate information. I'm not saying use their full services but they are most definitely engaged in community education.
Fear and stigma around miscarriage will only end when people engage with it before it happens.
I would equally suggest people engage with nspcc materials about neglect and spotting abuse before they work with kids.

I also had reassurance scans.

Good luck to anyone trying to get to an EPU on a whim. That is a moot point as it just wouldn't happen.

And maternal anxiety is a medical condition when it becomes bad enough.

I rang the MA and used their boatds lots in my rainbow pregnancy. I know their site inside out. Some parts are for women experiencing loss but others are appropriate for any worried person.

As far as I'm aware the OP hasn't ever had a miscarriage? Hence my bemusement at the suggestion she contact the miscarriage association?

I think every woman worries in the early days, you can't expect miscarriage support services to offer their resources to ladies with no history of loss just because they are scared they may miscarry....

I appreciate that preexisting anxiety issues may be exacerbated during pregnancy or that new anxiety issues can present themselves but these are for a GP, not miscarriage support services.

I think... that there's a healthy medium between assuming everything is going to be okay and you will have a baby after your first positive pregnancy test and assuming that you will have a miscarriage.

I also think it's very easy for me to say that. I have seen threads on forums like this from women ttc, in their early- or mid-twenties, utterly distraught and genuinely shocked after the lines on the test resulted in a miscarrying at 2 weeks.

So I think you need to be aware that miscarriages can happen. If you are of an anxious disposition and have no particular urgency or time issues to take into account, I wonder if ignorance really is bliss and if it's better not to chart your fertility and not to buy those First Response tests. Then you won't be worrying about miscarrying in the first two-three weeks and presumably any very early miscarriage will seem like a heavy period.

Don't worry, I'm not going to call the miscarriage helpline. Honestly, this isn't an anxiety thing at all. It's a managing expectations/ planning thing. I'm an obsessive planner and the assumption of a miscarriage btw 1 & 2 is something I've built into how I think about potential age gaps, timing TTC, etc

Thanks so much for sharing all your experiences. It's good to know I am being bonkers.

I was told this too and that it might take longer to conceive (as bf too). It accounts for the 16 month age gap

Like you, I am a planner but there are some things that can't be planned either way.

Mine was Mc, mc,dd1,mc

No particular order for anyone

If you're thinking about how to plan age gaps & starting ttc, the best tip I heard was to decide on your minimum desired age gap and work back from there.

So say if the smallest age gap you'd be happy with between DC1 and DC2 is 2 years, wait until DC1 is 1 yr 3 months before starting ttc. If you start ttc before that because you think it'll take ages to conceive / everyone has miscarriages between DC1 & DC2 etc, then you just might get caught out and have a smaller age gap than you're comfortable with.

Although there's advantages to any age gap of course, even if it's not the one you'd tried to plan for.

For me DD1 took ages to conceive but was a perfect pregnancy with no issues, I then went on to have 4 mc (each time getting pregnant v quickly) before finally having DD2, I know one of my mc was because of Turner syndrome but don't know about the others.