To be angry re School's view of DS's ability vs potential?

[fredthehousewife]

DS is in year 2 and as a summer baby and never been at the front of the class; on the contrary, he's been at the back. So last summer, when the mention of returning to school reduced him to tears, we started a plan of hard work and lots of reward to help him read. Fast fwd to autumn and teacher says he is below average at everything , all 3rs, but his reading was a bit better. They also said there was little chance, outside of very hard work at home, for him to reach average SATs by spring. That he was bright, but they would 'not see him blossom'... So went away, had a gin, and began to feel very angry. How could they tell me he was bright but at best would be average? This is a school rated as outstanding by Ofsted... So we looked at options and applied to local private schools, though can't really afford it, and they assessed him as above average in everything! So what is he doing at school all day? Don't know what to do or say to school. Feel like there is some massive gap of what I don't get? How do you have a bright kid doing worse than average in an outstanding school, and that's OK by them? Or just his fault??!! Advice very much needed.

Is he progressing though? If he's stagnating, then that's a problem but if he's moving forward, then chances are, he will reach his potential. Year 2? So, he's only 6 years old? I think you are panicking a bit, he's still very young.

Change schools if you can. DD1s infant school was like this, they had completely written her off. She's now in y4 and top sets for everything. Lucky for us the infant and junior schools are completely separate and the juniors didn't have the same preconceptions about her. DD2 is in y2 now, also a summer baby, also being written off. I'm so glad to be nearly done with that school. It's outstanding, too.

So school say he is achieving below average (but do bear in mind he could be up to a year younger than the rest of the class! Or they could be a very bright bunch in the class so the average is high?)
But private school,say he is above average, but how did they assess that? Presumably he wasn't thee for long whereas teachers at his current school see him every day?
It is confusing but forget whether he is above or below the average, that is meaningless, educate your son whee you think he will be happy, thrive and learn.
Good luck

I'm a few years on now and had a similar problem with a mismatch between how school were assessing ds1s ability and what I could clearly see at home. It was hard work and frustrating at the time, but ten years later, it hasn't held him back or stopped him doing well at secondary school.

Unless you really want to pay for him to go private, my advice would be to nod and smile at school and to remind yourself that these levels are an assessment of what teachers have managed to 'deliver' to the class (hate that word) not what your child is capable of. If you keep on working with him at home, reading, talking, visiting museums etc then what he learns at school is a bonus, but is not really a measure of how he is doing. If he is bright, he will blossom one way or another, at the right time for him. In the meantime, school will introduce him to some new things, be a chance to make new friends and have fun at playtime too, which is just as important as ticking the next level box.

HTH

Did the tell you what SATS levels he is working at at the moment?

Did they say what in their opinion is holding him back?

It might be that he needs a different teaching method to what the school are doing. Children learn in lots of different ways and different schools teach in different ways. I work in an outstanding school and the teaching methods there were different to the good school that my ds used to go to. He might do better in a different school.

Did the independent school assess him on, say, reading and spelling age which would be measured against how many months old he actually is? Whereas your state school are telling you where he is against national expectations for any child in Y2?

My DS is August born and (from what I can see from work on the wall etc) 'average' in his class. However, I'm quite sure, were he two weeks younger people would be telling me he was a genius as he could already read well, do quite a bit of maths and write a bit half way through his pre-school year. He'd still be the same kid!

DS is in a non-pushy prep so it isn't an issue. If he was in a state school I think I would home educate in Year 2 and Year 6 (I am a primary school teacher so see it from the inside).

thanks for all those replies... I do think school is a mismatch; they have an easy ride with plenty of bright kids, but its a real mix, so there are kids who never read at home etc. We can do all that extra stuff, but I feel cross that we should have to, as what is the point of his daytimes? It seems mean to make him sit through school and then do lots of heavy homework with him afterwards and at weekends. So a big issue has become attitude, his confidence was on the floor in the summer, and we have tried to nudge it up...gradually. but we can't work completely against whatever the school makes him feel, as he's there too much of the time. He has developed all sort of delaying and avoidance tactics - that might sound overanalysed but they're pretty blatant - when we tried to get him to read he would drop stuff, say his stomach hurt, anything to avoid confronting what was on the page...

he still does that a bit... AT the assessements for private they were each 3 hr assessments, so measuring ability then and there, as observed, not every day. but they both said the same, and in counter to the school. I can't help but be angry though at having him written off. how can you write off a 6 yr old? the problem is that had we not intervened or been worried, he could have continued like that and been one of the many kids who hate school and just scrape through, and no-one ever asks why or if the school is to blame, at least in part....

that's interesting CharlesRyder, i did think of home educating, a lot, and even went to his teacher to say could I do that part time to help him towards the infamous SATs... she said no. and I have two jobs which are more than part-time and are needed, to give them both up for one kid would not be fair..

But school have told you that he is very bright but also that he will need to work hard to achieve the expected sats outcome. I don't see that they have written him off? They seem focused in what he needs to achieve? The delaying etc, if he is doing that in school the is that the behaviour they mean that is impacting on his ability to blossom? That he is bright but doesn't apply himself.
Perhaps the private school,would be better for him, smaller classes more attention etc

You seem a little hung up on SATs and outcomes/levels yourself? You know they mean absolutely nothing for the actual child? Are you in a grammar school area and therefore perceiving pressure for him to achieve certain things at certain points?

I also think maybe prep with a more laid back ethos and smaller class sizes might be better for your DS (and you?).

They aren't writing him off altogether, they are understandably a bit obsessed with SATs at the moment because that's what they as teachers will be judged on. It's a symptom of the whole government testing thing that teachers are forced into cooperating with unfortunately.

I wouldn't take too much from the private school assessments, remember that are trying to sell you a place. If you want a true assessment of his ability then pay for an independent private tutor that has nothing to gain or lose from telling you the truth. But tbh, if you can see that your son is progressing, then that's what you need to focus on. At year 2, his SATs results don't really matter to your son, they aren't done for his benefit, they are about the school.

I don't think you need to be angry at having to do work at home, that's something that all parents should do if they want their child to reach their full potential.

There is only so much that can be done within a school day, especially when it comes to changing a child's attitude to learning, and if they've said your child is bright then he probably is and he just doesn't enjoy learning to read.

OP - I think you need some quantitative information. "Above average" is a nebulous concept. If your DS is current Y2, he is being measured against the old curriculum and there are a clear set of "things" that he is assessed against. You need to clearly understand what he can do. What is his current NC level? Outstanding schools with bright children may consider "average" to be well above normal age expectations for his age. Is the school really insisting on "lots of hard work at home" or are they just suggesting doing extras like reading, the odd bit of practising number bonds - which is really standard and will really help.

So did they assess him on the 3Rs at the private school or on reasoning tests?

Well I wouldn't take it to heart or take much notice.
I remember them saying a similar thing about one of my sons . He went on to get 10 A GCSEs and four A's at A level and is now a Doctor.

What he was was, slow and careful. If anyone tries to hurry him now it makes him annoyed.
He likes all his i' s dotted and his T's crossed. I thought that the school was wrong at the time as I just knew he was brilliant, and so he turned out to be. He was the only one of my children that I had to beg to stop working and take a break.

So don't be too angry and try him on Khan academy . Com for his Maths. This is a Free Maths Revision site sponsored by Bill Gates. It has videos and scratch pads and rewards. If you set yourself up as your child's coach it sends you reports.
Or if you can pay try Maths is Fun or IXL. They dish out rewards and set online tasks. They also lay out the whole years work for you to see what a year 6 child could possibly achieve.
My friends two GC came for the weekend and I showed them. They are 6 and 4 and they would not get off it, when it was time to go.

I know there are similar sites for English as I see my GS on them.

A few things to think about.At his school he will likely have had more than one teacher, plus you have taught him at home.So it is unlikely it is teaching method that is at fault.
And as an OP says you need to clarify what they mean by 'below average' .The expected NC levels are below national average.Or do they mean average for that class?
Above all, remember that he is six years old.Children develop at different times.My DS1 was on the bottom table for everything at primary and ended up with 2 A*s and an A at A level. If your DS is 'bright' it is very likley that he will come to education later (this is not at all uncommon especially in boys). In thge meantime there is a very real danger of putting him off for many many years if you push him too hard now.
I know it is easier said than done, but you need to bide your time.Celebrate what your son can do NOW! Measure him against himself not other students.

I was a summer baby and was almost written off in infants. I did my sats and apparently got the highest marks in the year. from then I was top set for everything, very high achiever. unfortunately school dont teach common sense, and in high school they were more bothered about having me sit exams and putting me through all of their gifted and talented extra curricular stuff than sorting out the bullying problem so I didnt attend very often. I only sat my english exam and didnt do any coursework, but still managed to get a C grade. not great when I was predicted A* but I least I did that one!.
sorry im rambling think what im trying to say is he will blossom and that being the clever kid isn't always all its cracked up to be.

Your child is 6 the school said he is bright but needs to work hard to achieve the private school said he was above average which his current said really I think Stats are an atrocious concept testing little children is ridiculous (we don't have them where I live) you seem to be concentrating on results of testing what will happen if your son doesn't get the results you expect. I know you want the best for your child but it does read you expect him to be different to what he actually is a bright kid who needs to work a bit harder

I don't think you need to do more "academic" work at home.

As PP have said, just do normal family stuff like chatting and doing things together, going out and talking about what you see, spending time with other children and families and so on.

He may be lacking in confidence, so if you spend time out of school doing things he enjoys and praising him for it, his confidence will grow.

Please don't force him to do extra school work at home.

It sounds as if your son may be aware that he is not doing well enough for you so feels under pressure, I wouldn't want to be told I wasn't doing well enough at work and so had to do overtime at home.
Yes, parents should support with reading/doing homework but I don't agree with children being made to do lots of extra work at home.
Regarding school's comments we do not know the context in which they were made, was the OP asking if her son would meet average SATs levels and the teacher answered honestly that he was unlikely to make that much progress by May, not that he would never catch up?
Sorry OP but you seem more worried about whether your son will meet a set level by he end of Y2, than if he is making good progress and will reach his potential in time.

Yes is it below average for the class?
My ds is 5 and a half and in year 1 - he's a summer born.
He's reading is stage 7 and he can write whole sentences using a range of punctuation and vocab, numeracy wise he can add and take away with two digit numbers to 100 etc
But in his class of nearly all autumn borns he's below average. Most are reading chapter books.
Yet in his friend's school he'd be right at the top of the class.

My advice is just get through Y2 and SATS and re-assess in Y3, my son absolutely hated school in Y2 and only now have I realised it was the teacher, she was pushy, shouty and ignorant. He now has a great teacher in Y3 and confidence has gone up tremendously, for the first time he actually tells me what they are doing and seems engaged!

It also sounds like your school is one of those pushy ones that creates competition between kids and parents. Our kids didn't even know about SATS and that's how I think it should be! They are 6 and 7 for goodness sake! Good luck!

The school can see his potential, just he is not ready to reach it yet. My ds was another one who didn't appear to flourish until he reached secondary.
I dont think giving him all that extra work at home will be doing him any good, take a step back and let him enjoy himself.

Been there gone through that with DS2, also a summer baby. We didn't have the money at the time to put DS2 into an independent school (and we would be extremely fussy about which one). He became a bit of a "joker" in the class as boys often do and spent his time at the bottom of the top sets or top of middle sets.
At 14 he decided he was better than that. For example, the school wanted him to take Intermediate Maths GCSE but he wanted to do the higher one. He went on to do Maths A2, an Economics degree with a lot of Maths and is now doing very well in an MSc at a highly rated department of an RG university. If he wanted, he could train as a Maths teacher now.
It took a long time to get him there (and a lot of money) and we regret we couldn't afford to get him out of his nice village primary school when he was 7 or 8.

I've had this with my youngest .He wasn't cooperative with the teachers at the time and hated infants.He loved the next stage of school and I've been told he's above average now.Children do progress at different stages and often infant teachers like kids who conform,not the slightly interesting challenging ones.So take what the teachers are saying with a 'pinch of salt'.Only you will know your child!
Unfortunately I'm now tired of lying awake at night worrying about the things going on at our local school ( youngest of 4) and am now moving all my kids to a very good prep school.I know that the school will push and enthuse them no matter to their ability.I won't have to do it any more.