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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be worrying about how I will cope when I have three babies under three...

20 replies

mameulah · 18/02/2015 21:57

Please, please, please tell me your top tips on how you cope without turning into a screeching and horrible nag

I have really lowered my standards with having two babies, meal planners, crap housework, lots of outside time......what else can I do?

tia

OP posts:

Ineedacleaningfairy · 18/02/2015 22:01

Just remember they probably won't remember what happens. This helps when we are having a crap day (I only have 2 under 2 not 3!)

My philosophy is that if they are happy then I won't rock the boat, so if the toddler is watching tv and he's calm and happy I let him watch it, I always intended to be a 15 minutes of screen time a day sort of mum, but oh well! I let ds wear his Pyjama top when we go out (he has one specific top he's obsessed with)

To be honest there is still some screeching and nagging.

Cric · 18/02/2015 22:01

I am one of 3 ... Who would have been 3 under 3. All I can tell
You is my mum says it was worth it. When all of her friends had years of nappies and prams she got it out if the way. She wouldn't change a thing!

esiotrot2015 · 18/02/2015 22:04

Get the eldest a place at preschool with the free voucher scheme

littlepeas · 18/02/2015 22:15

I had 3 under 3 and mostly it has been wonderful (they are 6, 5 and 3 now). I don't have much advice, but you are no doubt already doing a lot of juggling with 2dc and - honestly - the third just slots in, especially when they are all so little. They will grown up as a little gang - my 3 are incredibly close and share interests, they will be in consecutive school years when dc3 starts in September. They share friends, entertaining 3 of tim together is easy as everyone enjoys whatever it is we are doing. The hardest part was the year that ds1 was in reception - suddenly we had to be out of the house by a certain time twice a day and that was tough with 2 stroppy pre-schoolers/toddlers. Now, it is lovely again. All I would say is, if they offer/want affection, take it - no matter how awkward it is for you at the time, take it - in my experience that is the best way to avoid jealousy and encourage them to get along and not see each other as rivals. I wouldn't change a thing - people often comment that I'm brave/have my hands full/etc, but I mostly see the positives and tell them so. Obviously it is hard at times, but ALL parents have a hard time sometimes, and ultimately I feel our decision to have 3 close together has paid off.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 18/02/2015 22:15

DM freely admitted that if she hadn't had paid help she would have thrown the lot of us into the harbour. This may or may not have been a joke. Shortly after this, my DB who was into Dennis Wheatley, asked her if she could touch holy water or the Host without getting burned.

What a happy bunch we weren't.

SoonToBeSix · 18/02/2015 22:20

I have three under three ds 2.5 and 11 month old dd's twins. Next week it will be four under three
Yes lowering standards is a good thing, you don't need to bath dc everyday, clothes can often be baby wiped not washed, hardly anything needs ironing etc
Accept any help offered and ask when it's not. Oh and if you afford a cleaner get one.

littlepeas · 18/02/2015 22:26

Oh yes - please do not even attempt to iron - such a waste of time. Also, I managed to time nursery hours so that I had one or two at a time a few times a week - that helped a lot practically, but also good for the dc to have some alone time with me.

jasper · 18/02/2015 22:48

it's not that big a deal. if I did it anyone can.
enjoy!

Babyroobs · 18/02/2015 22:49

I had 3 under three and a half. I can't remember much about it , it's all a blur ! I used to watch the clock from about 4 pm for dh to come home.

Original poster

mameulah · 18/02/2015 22:57

I love the tip on affection.

I have tried really hard to accept that afternoons need to be spent dishing out cuddles and not cleaning or cooking. That of course means that the evenings are full of jobs and I am exhausted.

Any tips on discipline. My two year old has just realised that he can 'play' with his brother and is struggling to be gentle. We don't have an open plan house and I am running out of places to put our six month old and know that he is safe.

OP posts:

vdbfamily · 18/02/2015 23:02

The first year is a killer. The worst moment I got to was when 2 were poorly at the same time and I was getting no sleep so I was trying to have lie-ins in the morning and then trying to rush my 3 year old to get ready for nursery, so she would play up. I realised I needed to get back to a routine and stick to it and it saved me ! What I can say is that once the oldest starts school and the second oldest is at nursery, life will seem like a walk in the park compared to the first year or so. Brace yourself and good luck with it all. x

defineme · 18/02/2015 23:03

I had 3 under 3.
Tbh the baby twins were fine...I already knew how babies worked after ds1. I put them both in single pram and ds1 sat on the end, when they got bigger I used a double buggy and sling.
They slept a lot in the day. I walked everywhere because they slept then! Ds1 went to preschool in no time. I used to go to bed when ds1 did, dh juggled twins in evening so I could get few hours sleep in..I breastfed apart fromthat one evening bottle a day.
a routine of getting out the house and strict nap times etc worked well for us. As did dhbeing the kind of dad that didn't shirk his share of being at thepark with them on his own etc.
now I look back it was hard work but they were and are a blessing.

LordJabuJabu · 18/02/2015 23:07

Youngest is almost 3 months, eldest is just 3yrs, and it's easy. So much easier than pregnant with 2 dc,

However I can only assume it gets worse when dd starts crawling

Just don't ever expect to remember their names & embrace planning everything (cloths out & snacks/meals made the night before).

littlepeas · 18/02/2015 23:10

All age gaps have pros and cons - the big pros of having them close is that they will (hopefully) grow up with lots in common and that you get all the baby and toddler mess and awkwardness over more quickly! On the latter point - I love the baby stage and do feel sad that it is all over for me now, but the former point is the biggest pro you could hope for and I stand by my decision to have them close. My 3 are the best of friends (I have boy-girl-boy - not that I think gender makes much difference). As they get older it gets a lot easier for you as they entertain one another. I found the first 2 years ok (dc3 was a fairly easy baby) and then the year when dc3 was 2 and dc1 started school hard (as dc3 was a sod of a toddler and dc2 was still pretty stroppy as well). But you get through it, and it is worth it!

Original poster

mameulah · 18/02/2015 23:15

What is it like when DC3 is born? How do the other two cope when a new one comes along? Any tips? There will be almost exactly a year apart from DC2 and DC3.

I am so tired, I can't imagine how to cope with 3

OP posts:

Girlwhowearsglasses · 18/02/2015 23:25

I had DS 1 then DTs almost 2 years to the day after- so almost three under two ;-)

Twins is a whole thing in itself with picking up two babies etc etc.

My advice?
You need a good reliable babysitter and no quibbles from DP that you need time out together. I have friends with two children and some of them NEVER go out together because they don't have a trusted babysitter (one has a DP that 'doesn't agree with it' - there's another thread): with three this is imperative - of course you could get through without - but it's a priority.

Day to day I'd say not to think you can do more than one 'going out' task in one day. Seriously - playgroup, post office, buying shoes- only ONE is possible
Never go in a supermarket with three small children unless you need nappies or wine

Girlwhowearsglasses · 18/02/2015 23:26

It's not worth worrying about the others coping- there are so many variables - many have a ball! My DS1 wasn't happy twins arrived, but he misses them when they aren't home

BobsTaintedLeftLeg · 18/02/2015 23:27

Would getting a homestart volunteer help?

An extra set of hands would probably be invaluable.

Sixgeese · 18/02/2015 23:51

I once worked with someone with 4 under 2 (two sets of twins), she coped with it by returning to work as quickly as possible and having a full time nanny.

Seriously though, sometimes colleges are looking for placements for people doing childcare courses so you get a free extra pair of hands for a few hours a week.

arethereanyleftatall · 18/02/2015 23:57

I always had a bag packed ready to go out. Then I'd be ready to change plans at the drop of a hat. Even if id planned to say go the zoo on a certain day, if they were playing nicely indoors, I'd just let them get on and get chores done. Or vice versa, if it all kicked off, I grab the bag and announce we're going out.

And, I know not everyone agrees with this, but it categorically worked for me - at 7pm, when I was absolutely spent, I put them to bed and fixed myself a large glass of wine and went to the top of the garden. I came back 10 mins later and they were both sound asleep. To this day, I have no idea whether they cried for 1 min or 9. And neither do they.

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