Having kids is a liability on the dating scene if you are a single mom, not so much for single dads

[Evelight]

This is admittedly from my very limited observations in my close circle, but I can't help noticing that while girls are ready to date and shack up with a guy who has kids from a previous relationship very readily (provided the guy is gainfully employed and moderately decent-looking), moms with kids- especially with kids in their tweens and teen, are like dating poison ivy. Once the kids have grown up and left though, it is like a new lease of life on the dating scene.
Have others noticed this?

As a parent already myself with a difficult ex I wouldn't have wanted to double that effect by getting with someone who already had children themselves so as odd as it sounds a man having children themselves would have put me off - but I do know a lot of single mums go the other way and look for a single dad as they think they understand what its like to have kids already.

I'm going to be completely honest. When I was single, I wouldn't have gone near a man with children, with a barge pole.

I'd like to think it's because I was young and naive (having been with DH since I turned 30). But actually, I think I was probably right. I would have been way, way too immature to cope with someone else's children.

Even now, at 41, I wonder how I would cope, and take my hat off to anyone who does manage it well.

I'm 27, was single for a year at 25 and had no trouble at all!

From my experience of step-parent friends and the MN step-parent board, I think a lot of women are initially far too dismissive of the problems of a relationship with a man with DC, and they could do with being more wary.

Yes my experience has been similar to other posters. I had no problem getting dates as a single mum. I think in general men accept that most women have custody of their kids. I didn't want to date anyone with young children , probably because I know how hard it is!

I'm in the same position as fairy lea, my ex is very reluctant to see our kids so I absolutely didn't want the pressure of someone else's kids when I have to deal with mine virtually alone.
I never get a break , my ex does not share parenting. There is no way I could add any more kids to the mix. It s hard enough handling your our kids never mind parenting someone else's.

As a single mum who has done online dating, I would say a lot of men would date a single mothers, especially men who already have children. I only have one child though.

My ex has two kids by two women, he has already found a new girlfriend so she could eventually be baby mum number 3!

I would not date a man who has more than two children so it goes both ways.

As a single mum who has done online dating, I would say a lot of men would date a single mothers, especially men who already have children. I only have one child though.

My ex has two kids by two women, he has already found a new girlfriend so she could eventually be baby mum number 3!

I would not date a man who has more than two children so it goes both ways.

I don't think it's about being a mum or a dad. I think it's about whether you have residency of the children, or just have them part-time/visiting.

I would never take on a man who had children living with him full time or nearly full time. Because I've raised my kid and not interested in all that work and responsibility for someone else's.

My current and last relationship had access to their children, that's fine, I quite enjoy that. But my whole life with kids again? No, thanks.

It's a hell of a big deal to live with children all the time and have to take on something of a parental role. More women than men have residency of their children. I think that's the difference, rather than any inbuilt prejudice against single mums.

Regard it as a wanker-sieve: having kids helps you weed out a whole load of 'I want to be the child!' time-wasters with minimal effort.
Agree it doesn't deter women to the same degree that it deters (some) men - but women tend not to go into relationships with the same expectation of having someone cosset and slave for them (as some men).
Really, I think having kids might actually help weed out some very high-maintenance 'partners' - and that's a good thing.

I agree with OP. I think it also depends what kind of a man you are after. In my experience (before I met DH) it is quite hard to date an intelligent, successful childless man while juggling childcare for a toddler. Sometimes the men I had dated bought surprise tickets to opera/booked romantic trips abroad etc and they always got irritated by my childcare problems. I don't blame them, I think when you are dating somebody you don't want to think about their kids.

I had a couple of dates with a single dad and I'm afraid I couldn't get past it, I really wouldn't date someone with kids because it's not a lifestyle that I want. DP is in no rush to have kids and I'm not even convinced I want them at all.

thecatfromjapan

I raised my child. Not doing it again with someone else's. Am I a wanker then?

I'm a single mum on the dating scene. I've notice that on their dating profile single mums tend to talk a lot about their kids whilst single dad just mention them in passing.

I must say that the big hindrance is that I can't be spontaneous and who knew but it is not acceptable in dating terms.

No, newname, not at all.
The OP sounded gloomy and down, and I pointed out one potential positive: ie. it MAY be interpreted to work like this.
I have a feeling that the OP is feeling a bit pummelled by dating and singledom-with-kids, and perhaps might prefer positives being spelt out at the moment.
As for you: well, I also wish you all the best with your dating.