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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to want to interfere

20 replies

Dontunderstand01 · 18/02/2015 06:50

My sil has told me she is moving during half term to a new town and her kids will be changing schools. She hasn't told them yet as it will be a "suprise". The kids are currently with other relatives and think they are just staying on holiday while she sorts out the move.
I really think this is a bad idea as they won't have said goodbye to their old house or school.
Sil and I don't have a great relationship and if I tell her I think she shoul or could tell them in a different way it will not go down well at all. I guess I am being unreasonable because its not my life or my decision but I am worried about them all. Help!

OP posts:

GokTwo · 18/02/2015 06:51

Why on earth is she doing that?!! What a ridiculous idea!

GokTwo · 18/02/2015 06:53

I'd express concern and surprise at this and say something like "I don't think that is likely to go down well. What about all their friends etc?"

Justmuddlingalong · 18/02/2015 06:54

YANBU wanting to interfere, but if your relationship is already strained YWBU to say something. Poor kids, what a horrendous 'surprise'

Booboostoo · 18/02/2015 07:12

What a silly idea! You can try warning your SIL but if you already don't get on I don't think she will listen to you. Are there any other family members she listens to more who could speak to her?

I don't think there is much else you can do. If you told the children about the move SIL would be furious and rightly so because while it is a stupid decision it is her stupid decision to make.

MsAspreyDiamonds · 18/02/2015 07:12

Why is she relocating so suddenly? New job, partner or is she in trouble? It seems odd that she has organised a move so quickly and secretly.

MojaveWanderer123 · 18/02/2015 07:19

My dh is in the forces and we've moved just as suddenly in the middle of the school holidays and our dc did not have a chance to say goodbye. They got over it in the excitement of moving. I suppose it's different for them as they are used to moving around a lot though.
Personally I would just stay out of it. The kids will get over it and may even be happy with the move.

Original poster

Dontunderstand01 · 18/02/2015 07:25

From what she has told me she has been planning it for some time, which is how she managed to find somewhere and get the kids to stay with relatives. She has left her partner, but it is amicable ( we are friends with her OH and have been since before they got together). Her mum and friends knew,and have been helping her out. Presumably she didn't tell us until she had left and the kids gone on "holiday" because we knew we might express reservations.
Her OH isn't the father of her kids, but he is very concerned about her and the decisons she is making. Again, he can't interefere as it is now nothing to do with him (she has left him).

OP posts:

Mammanat222 · 18/02/2015 07:29

What about the kids actual father?

Also if it was an amicable split why can't her ex-partner say something?

What about her mum? I assume she is your MIL? Can your partner express his concerns to his mum?

It sounds like a terrible idea

GokTwo · 18/02/2015 07:58

I don't think there is anything you can do except express your concerns to her.

Original poster

Dontunderstand01 · 18/02/2015 08:18

I don't know the childrens father that well, so I have no idea if he even knows. My MIL is always 100% behind everything SIL does, in her eyes she can do no wrong.

It is a terrible idea, but I think all I can do is let it happen... it's already half term so I guess there is no going back.

OP posts:

Callooh · 18/02/2015 08:21

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Original poster

Dontunderstand01 · 18/02/2015 08:24

Maybe you are right Callooh, I just put my self in their shoes, and at 10 yrs old if I had to move house, town, school with no warning I would have been very upset. Hopefully her kids are more resilient.

I am going to keep out of it. No good will come from me sharing my opinion.

OP posts:

ChipDip · 18/02/2015 08:25

Don't say anything. She has a good few people backing her ridiculous idea and what makes you think anything you say will change it Rather than cause a huge problem. It's done now, you would just be making a point to her that's of no use.
Poor kids, it will be a shock rather than a surprise.

pipsqueak77 · 18/02/2015 09:23

What a strange way to go about moving. I can't see the kids being anything but shocked, scared and miserable. Maybe you could just mention to her that it's bound to be a a shock to the kids and ask about how she thinks they will be, in an attempt to plant a seed in her head that she will prob have to do a lot of consoling. Poor kids. What an odd thing to do...

Callooh · 18/02/2015 09:54

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Original poster

Dontunderstand01 · 18/02/2015 11:01

Pipsqueak, that is exactly how I imagine they would feel too. They have been through a great deal in a short space of time- there mum and dad broke up about 5 years ago and really effected them both.

It is too late to talk to her as I guess it is done and dusted. I don't know why I am so worriec or stressed about this, it just seems wrong in my eyes. I guess I also feel slightly hurt thst she is moving away from the town where I, my DH and baby son live, and she doesn't seem to care thst she will inevitably see less of us. It's so strange, I just hope I am completely wrong and they are all really happy.

OP posts:

pipsqueak77 · 19/02/2015 09:08

Let us know how the kids get on, hope they prove us all wrong and settle in fine.

TwinkleDust · 19/02/2015 09:25

Don't forget - you can't possibly really know what goes on behind closed doors - or have the complete picture of why the relationship has broken down. It may suit them both, perhaps in the interests of the children, to emphasise that it has been amicable when it is in fact far more complicated. Her immediate family and close friends are helping her, they may be more in the picture than you are, and hopefully be giving her and the children the unconditional support needed. You're right, no good can come from sharing your opinion, but you can tell her that you are there for her, and by doing so you will indirectly be helping those children.

TheAnswerIsYes · 19/02/2015 09:54

It's none of your business, keep your nose out.

Original poster

Dontunderstand01 · 19/02/2015 22:05

I am at work tomorrow but my DH is having her kids for the day to help her out.

The answer, thank you for comment but if you read all comments you would know I had decided to say nothing.

Twinkle, you may be right. We are doing our best to support her and the kids.

Pipsqueak, i will, and I hope so too.

OP posts:

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