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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to have nagged DH to go to work today?

16 replies

KitKat1985 · 17/02/2015 09:06

Okay, some brief background: DH started new job just over a year ago. It coincided with him having a back issue and needing a lot of time off for physio / Drs appointments. He also had a few random days off for other things (colds etc). In the end he needed back surgery and has just been off work sick for 6 weeks whilst he recovers. In total he's probably had about 2 months off sick I'd say since he started there (plus 2 weeks off for paternity leave - we have a 5 month old DD). He is back on a 'phased return' basis so gradually building back up to his normal work hours (this week he only needs to do 3 hours a day, next week 4 hours a day, etc). They've also agreed he can work for the forseeable future out of a much closer office to home (so 10 mins commute rather than an hour, which is good of them).

Yesterday was his first day back (for 3 hours) and he happened to have a cold. Today his cold was worse and he wanted to phone in sick. I said I didn't think he should given how much time he has already had off, and that he only has to go in for 3 hours (and pretty much all his boss is expecting him to do this week is catch up on e-mails, so nothing strenuous, and he can work in a corner away from other people so as they don't catch anything). He clearly thought I was being very mean and that his current bad cold is a separate issue to his other sicknesses and that he should have the time off. He has begrudgingly gone into work but clearly unhappy with me for nagging him to go in. Was I being unreasonable? I'm just worried that they've been pretty good with him so far this year with all of his absences but I think he needs to be careful not to be seen to be taking the proverbial.

OP posts:
Purplepoodle · 17/02/2015 09:14

I think you were right. It shows he's not taking the mick and it's only 3 hours.

HappyAmbler · 17/02/2015 09:17

I would have done the same

NK5BM3 · 17/02/2015 09:18

I think you are right - well done on this. And if it really becomes worse,then his colleagues/boss can see that he really is poorly and will be more sympathetic if it does develop into full blown flu or worse.

I think flexi work and all that sort of stuff is dependent on good will on both sides. So as the company has been kind re his bad back and other random sickness, he needs to 'give back' as well, or at least show willing.

ImaMonet · 17/02/2015 09:20

You are definitely right I think considering his sickness record. It is only three hours and if it's just a bad cold he will survive.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 17/02/2015 09:21

You did the right thing, having a cold isn't a good enough reason to take time off.

Heels99 · 17/02/2015 09:21

You are right. It's tsking the piss to stay off with a cold when you only havre to work three hours and have had 5 months off in a job you've only had for a year!
He is very fortunate that work are so supportive, many employers wouldn't be,

TheLastThneed · 17/02/2015 09:22

YANBU. Companies can be pretty ruthless sometimes, so best to do the best that you can...they have been good as you've said...

Springcleanish · 17/02/2015 09:22

Three hours work, ten minutes away, you were definitely right, there is no question, of course he should have gone in. There are some horrible bugs around, but a day off for a cold - no way. I do hope he feels better soon though.

Heels99 · 17/02/2015 09:22

Sorry, 2 months sick in a year, not five. My opinion that Yanbu still stands

Chertsey · 17/02/2015 09:24

Oh god yes, you were completely right.

It sounds like his company have treated him very well indeed during his sickness. Perhaps only what should be expected, but as he has only been there fro such a short time they didn't need to. To start taking days off for a bit of a cold, when you're already on short hours and light duties would be like throwing it in their face.

AmandaTanen · 17/02/2015 09:24

I wouldn't take time off for a cold, the over the counter medicine you can buy really helps. Sudafed or shops own brand cold and flu capsules and plenty fluids.

sparechange · 17/02/2015 09:25

You did the right thing...
His work sound like they've been very accommodating, but you don't want to push their patience too much

BathtimeFunkster · 17/02/2015 09:28

He sounds like a bit of a pisstaker TBH.

Ketchuphidestheburntbits · 17/02/2015 09:32

Unless he is so ill that he should be in bed then YANBU. If he can just work quietly in a corner next to a box of tissues (he did take tissues and a plastic bag didn't he?) it is quite fair to expect him to work.

What I hate is when people sit there sniffing, snorting and coughing over everyone else without even attempting to stay away from their coworkers or to cough or sneeze into a tissue because the whole office will then catch it and my immune system is already compromised. Hopefully, your DH isn't so selfish and nobody else has to share his computer or phone.

WaxOnWaxOff · 17/02/2015 09:32

Agree he sounds a bit of a pisstaker, if this is a private company he is very lucky they've tolerated this level of sick leave when he's been there such a short time. The only other employer I've ever known to put up with this level of absence, provide a long-term phases return, etc, is the NHS.

KitKat1985 · 17/02/2015 09:43

Okay, thank you for your replies. I feel a bit better now knowing that other people agree with me that to have phoned in sick today would have been a piss-take. He did look rough to be fair to him, but it's only for 3 hours and I think he needs to show a bit of effort. Without sounding mean to him, he's doesn't 'do' being ill very well, and I think sometimes he needs to push himself to 'soldier on' a bit more. His current employer has been very good to him and he likes his job there in the main, so I really don't want him to mess up any chances for promotion or anything there by getting a reputation for himself as always taking time off.

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