to expect my ex husband to pull his bloody weight when ferrying the children around?

[Tinyminx]

After splitting up I moved 40 miles from where I used to live with my ex. I live with my partner near family. My DD 10 moved with me, changing schools, sees her dad every other weekend. My boy, 13, stayed at existing school and spends half week with his dad. I collect him Thursday after school, drive him back Friday, collect him Friday night. On a Saturday I drive 80 mile round trip to take him to cricket practice his dad booked him on. I do about 260 miles between Thursday and Sunday.
Now my daughter is joining a drama class Friday evenings til 7.30. But instead of coming for her on his weekends, my ex thinks I should be taking her to him, and if she has Sunday rehearsals (infrequent) that I should be collecting her from him to take her.
On his 'free' weekends he organises time away and nights out with his girlfriend, yet he is expecting me to do all the running around and have no free time because, according to him, I chose to live here.
I want to, and do, put my children first, but if he wants to be the good dad he tells everyone he is, then aibu to expect him to do his share of driving? I end up feeling guilty for the kids but as my partner says I'm wearing myself out.
He bought some gig tickets for my son and him, but now his gf has booked a trip he won't take him. I've said I'll step in, even though this means cancelling my place to see my stepdaughter and niece in a show when there were 14 of us going. Cos I don't let my kids down.
What do you think?

I agree with him that most of the travelling should be down to you because you chose to move that distance away. That doesn't mean you should do all of it though, and if your dd wants to do Sunday rehearsals then he should take her.

I don't think how much driving a person is prepared to do is what makes them a good parent, that's a practical thing that was down to you, not a parenting thing that automatically comes with being a parent.

Does this drama class have to be on a Friday night? Is there one she could do on another evening?

I thought the standard was, the NRP collected and returned for their contact and that, if a parent booked them on an activity, it was for them to take the child to it, unless agreed with the other parent?

But she is also doing all the driving for her son, who lives more equally split between the two!

I am a little confused.
If you are collecting your son on Friday night, then why is it a problem to drop off your DD when you do this.
It has to be said that if you move further away, then some of that extra responsibility lies with you.

When calculating child support, the costs of travelling if high, are taken into consideration so perhaps you can factor this in?

You chose to move so should shoulder the costs and the travel. He had no choice in the matter.

Organising a club that affects his contact time should have been a mutual decision. He gets little time with her as it is.

The standard arrangement is the parent who moves away from the area of the original family home is responsible for the cost and inconvenience of transport.

That is you, I'm afraid op. Just be grateful you have got a car, or it would be a lot longer on public transport.

sorry but Yabvu. you moved away therefore the onus is on you to do the transporting of the kids. if he wants to or you discuss it then you ought to be able to come to an agreement but I am afraid you made your bed when you moved away

I actually think it's a difficult one. Usually the parent who chose to move should d most of the driving but if you only moved away from family for the sake of your husband then naturally moved back after the marriage ended I think it should be more equal.

He should be sharing the ferrying around. If he books them in to something, or if an activity happens in his contact time, leave him to do the driving.

herinthered what is your reasoning? she moved 40 miles away and I am afraid that if it went to court then the almost certain outcome would be that they would rule that as she moved away then she needs to do the travelling

Travelling for dropoff to dad for his contact time yes. But even if they lived close by, I would still expect their dad to share the load of ferrying them around to activities.