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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

You grab a table while I queue up....

313 replies

Grandshiredoubles · 14/02/2015 23:24

Which means that some people before you can't get anywhere to sit. Happened today in Waitrose where the naice people should kmow better. Do you think people should wait until they have their food before getting a table or Aibu. Talking about YOU lady with the red shoes in malvern today

OP posts:
HeeHiles · 15/02/2015 23:00

It is the same Uncle You have no right to a table until you have purchased your food, you have no right to a seat in the cinema until you purchase a ticket, you have no right to get on a bus unless you have a ticket. It's the same principle.

flipchart · 15/02/2015 23:05

This is just going round in circles, like it always does.
Boring now. No one is coming up with anything new or ground breaking and we will have another thead on it next month. But before then we need to have another circular thread about disabled parking, parent and child parking and maybe one about ff! Yeah, let's do ff v breast feeding, that's not been done for a while!

flipchart · 15/02/2015 23:06

My previous post may contain sarcasim!

Shil0846 · 15/02/2015 23:13

YANBU. It's plain selfish to sit hogging a table in a busy cafe whilst other people (who got their first) are wandering around with food & drinks trying to find a seat.

People who are less able to stand are obvously excluded from this. The only time I have sat down in advance was when nearly 9 months pregnant, like a whale and with massive swollen ankles. As I was about to sit down a 15 year old girl pushed passed me (almost knocking me over) and sat down at "my" table. When I continued to sit down she told me the seats were reserved for her parents and that I had to move. Must have been the hormones (as I normally avoid confrontations) but when said parents arrived I had great pleasure in telling them what a rude pushy little madam their daughter was Blush To be fair they apologised and told her to move pronto.

Loletta · 15/02/2015 23:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Financeprincess · 16/02/2015 01:28

Some people behave bizarrely in cafes. I find it fascinating.

In the M&S cafe in Manchester, a woman was standing with her arms outstretched across the aisle, touching two empty tables at once. Not sitting, you understand, but touching both tables. They were the only empty tables in the place. My sister and I came along with our trays and simply sat down at one of the empty tables. Here's what happened:

Woman: those are my tables.

Me: don't be ridiculous.

Woman: you can't speak to me like that!

In Pret a Manger (very busy, but no alternative), a friend and I found a tiny space at the 'bar' area after we'd bought lunch, but only one stool. I decided to be nice and let my friend sit. After a while, the girl next to me got up to leave and I said, "you don't mind if I pinch your stool, do you?", to be polite (let's face it, I didn't need to ask; she didn't own it, and she was leaving).

She said, reprovingly, "other people have been standing longer than you!", as indeed some had...on the other side of the cafe, miles away from her and oblivious of her recently-vacated stool. I took the stool anyway. Surely she was the ultimate table martyr (great phrase) since she was fighting the good fight on behalf of people she didn't even know! Bl**dy table prig.

kali110 · 16/02/2015 01:51

Ow, heehiles that was so rude.
You and other moms would think me very rude then!
I always sit straight down in cafes, restaurants pubs etc as soon as i walk in.
My friends, partner or family will then queue up for my drink/food.
I look young with my nice bag and very occasionally small heels!
What you don't know is that i have fibromyalgia and spinal damage. Some days i can't even walk so when I'm out its a treat. I can't stand in a huge queue, i need to sit down as most of the time I'm in tremendous pain! After nearly 10 years i still get upset my the tuts and the whispering.
So all the people who think were all so rude, think maybe some of us have problems you can't see?
Believe me, i would love to be able to stand in a queue and not have to painkillers all day every day.

MrsCakesPrecognition · 16/02/2015 02:03

On entering an establishment, assess the length of the queue against the number if empty tables and tables where people are about to leave. If the queue is too long or tables are too few, then go somewhere else.

UncleT · 16/02/2015 06:23

There's no point in insisting they're the same when the plain fact is that cafés and restaurants have never worked like places such as cinemas, what with the entirely different purposes of the establishments, different types of sevice, and so on. There's a long history of settling down before eating in dining and eating establishments prior to paying or ordering. Sure a supermarket café (canteen) doesn't quite operate like that, but there's no such habit or tradition in establishments like cinemas. You're comparing totally different situations.

merrymouse · 16/02/2015 06:26

But it's fine to sit down in a busy cafe/restaurant before purchasing your meal???

Yes, in many places you don't even pay until after you have eaten...

zazzie · 16/02/2015 06:36

Ds and I wait at a table whilst dh queues. Ds is not good in queues and can only cope with certain seats in a cafe or restaurant (the ones around the edge). We don't go at busy times though.

differentnameforthis · 16/02/2015 06:45

Happened today in Waitrose where the naice people should kmow better.

hahaha that Wairose people should know better...

Mehitabel6 · 16/02/2015 07:48

They are not unattended Mia - I always sat mine firmly within view and where they could see me.

How odd to compare it to the cinema or getting a train or plane.
Of course it is fine to sit down in a cafe or restaurant before purchasing your meal- in the majority you either have table service or need a table number to order. You get a table first, order food and eat it before you pay for it.
I just apply the same common sense to places where you pay before you eat. I don't want to eat before I know that I have a table.

We are going around in circles! All pointless as no one changes their behaviour. I shall continue to get a table first and if I am on my own and can't it is not a problem- I have never failed to find a seat- there are always spare singles.

If you want to be a martyr and get in everyone's way with a buggy, baby, toddler and friend with children all in the queue then that is your choice- don't expect everyone else to think it a sensible option and copy!

Mehitabel6 · 16/02/2015 07:54

in a cinema you are given a seat and then see the film. In a plane or train you are given a seat and then travel. I have no objection to been given a seat in a cafe and then eating. Very similar really. I would be quite happy to pay for the seat and then take it off the final bill- but I think the cafe owner would find it a bit complicated.

BrendaBlackhead · 16/02/2015 08:06

At the risk of being flogged not everyone has hidden disabilities so people shouldn't be allowed to get away with poor behaviour on the off chance we might be offending them. And one of the downsides of hidden disabilities is that they are, well, hidden , so if you have a bit of glaring and have to take a bit of flack in life, well, there you go.

Dh is disabled. The minute he walks you know he is having great difficulty, but to the casual observer he looks like a middle-aged bloke who shouldn't be hogging a seat. Still, I reserve the right to glare or say something to the majority of people who sit smugly in a seat whilst others are wandering around with a tray.

hazeyjane · 16/02/2015 08:09

The majority of coffee shops here aren't table service or getting a number - Costa, Cafe Nero, Starbucks etc - queue up, order coffee, wait for it to be made take it back to the table.

Ds is disabled, if he is walking or in his sn buggy I would be unable to leave him at a table whilst I queued (the screams would at least empty the cafe!), so yes we queue and juggle trays, and if someone walks through the door and walks over to the last table to bag it, just before we go to sit down, then, yes, I think they are an arse.

I know no-ones behaviour is going to change, and I know I am in the minority finding it weird and annoying that people bag a table, hence why I said I suck it up. Sometimes though when a thread comes up about it, I like to do the equivalent of poking myself in the eye with a sharp stick, and putting my hand up to say it annoys me!!

flipchart · 16/02/2015 08:26

If the cafe/ restaurant whatever objected to people sitting down before ordering it would have a sign saying so.

merrymouse · 16/02/2015 08:32

Agree flipchart.

BrendaBlackhead · 16/02/2015 08:33

They do in the M&S cafe.

And, GOOD NEWS!!!!!!! Since the demise of the free coffee/tea in Waitrose the cafe is so much better! I did a scout round on Thursday and the toddler group was still there, sitting in a circle, but the fleet of dial-a-ride buses hadn't come. I had visions of them circling the area, like drug dealers, looking for a "free coffee" place to take over.

hazeyjane · 16/02/2015 08:33

I didn't say the cafe objects - it's me that objects in a completely, silent, huffy ineffectual way!!

Actually I remember the cafe in Marks and Spencer's Slough used to have a sign saying, 'please take a seat AFTER ordering', but one day they removed it, and when I asked them why, they said it was because it caused too many people to abuse the staff!

hazeyjane · 16/02/2015 08:34

Cross posted Brenda!

Mehitabel6 · 16/02/2015 08:35

They often do have signs- ignored by many ( including me). If they put up signs they need to do something more positive to solve the problem.

hazeyjane · 16/02/2015 08:40

What problem? I thought the 'baggers' were saying there is no problem, surely the problem is for the 'non batters '??!!

hazeyjane · 16/02/2015 08:41

Sorry, that should be 'non baggers'!

flipchart · 16/02/2015 08:46

Well going round in circles so many ties is making me dizzy!
I guess I should be happy I don't go to cafes and the like that often that these things become an issue.

Right of to find a thread with important issues to discuss. Can anyone point me in the direction of the nearest Child/ parent parking thread!