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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

should I try to make friends with ndn, he is a little different

33 replies

magrate · 14/02/2015 13:53

My ndn is a bit different - guy in his 40s, in the two years I've lived here only ever seen what looks like his mum visit a few times, he's never away at night (very noisy car that makes my windows rattle so know when he gets back every day), has a pet rabbit, cleans his old crappy car very carefully every week, drives a few mins down the road to the corner shop to pick up microwave food. I think he might be autistic or something, do you think I should make more of an effort to be friendly?

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 14/02/2015 13:56

Is this serious? Why are any of these reasons not to be reasonably neighbourly?

nequidnimis · 14/02/2015 13:56

You seem to be making a lot of unpleasant judgements about his life without actually speaking to him, so I think he might be better off without you.

SorchaN · 14/02/2015 13:57

It's nice to be on good terms with the neighbours. What sort of effort did you have in mind?

neme · 14/02/2015 13:57

You sound a bit derogatory about him tbh.
Be friendly if you see him but don't behave any differently towards him than you would any other neighbour.

ilovesooty · 14/02/2015 13:58

Well it did occur to me too that he might well not be too badly off without overtures from someone so judgemental.

Sizzlesthedog · 14/02/2015 13:59

What an unpleasant thread.

Original poster
magrate · 14/02/2015 13:59

Well I was thinking about maybe inviting him round for dinner. None of those things I said about him were in a bad way, apart from maybe the car but that noisey thing does annoy me

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 14/02/2015 14:00

I would just do what you normally do with your neighbours

me, I don't make a special effort to "make friends", I just let it develop the way it was meant to

Original poster
magrate · 14/02/2015 14:02

Im not trying to be insulting, I used different and me myself am different and think its a complement.

OP posts:
Janethegirl · 14/02/2015 14:03

Just say hello if you see him. Actively going to seek him out and invite him for dinner sounds quite odd. Ok if it was warmer and you were having a BBQ and invited several of your neighbours to include him.

ilovesooty · 14/02/2015 14:03

You could take a pan of miso soup round I suppose.

WorraLiberty · 14/02/2015 14:04

Gosh I'm sure you started this thread with the best of intentions, but you seem to have come across as a bit up yourself...albeit unintentionally I'm sure.

What makes you think he wants to be your friend?

If he did, I'm sure he'd make the effort with you.

AnyFucker · 14/02/2015 14:04

I would never dream of inviting a neighbour over for dinner

Do you mean just you two ?

That sounds a bit "different" to me

Meltingbutter · 14/02/2015 14:04

Sounds like you feel a bit sorry for him. Pity isn't really the basis for a friendship.
Maybe start with a general chat while he's washing his car and see how it goes. It's always best to be on decent terms with neighbours.

Original poster
magrate · 14/02/2015 14:08

No not just the two of us, I'm much more friendly with others down the road and was thinking about including him in our dinners.

The reason being I often pass him and say a hi with a very brief conversation, I often feel like he would like a longer talk, but usually see him when I'm rushing off somewhere

OP posts:
ghostyslovesheep · 14/02/2015 14:08

pmsl @ Anyfucker - and yes - what she said!

SorchaN · 14/02/2015 14:09

Yes, I also think a general chat while he's washing his car might be a good first step. I've never been invited to dinner with a neighbour I barely know, or invited a neighbour for dinner, but I've had coffee with neighbours sometimes. You've said you suspect he might be on the autism spectrum, and if you're right, he might find dinner with a virtual stranger quite socially challenging.

WorraLiberty · 14/02/2015 14:12

Right so you have this dinner thing going on with other neighbours, and you're asking us if you should invite him along, yes?

If that's the case, wtf was your OP about? Confused

I mean his love of microwave food, his car cleaning, his mum visiting, his choice of pets?

What on earth has that got to do with a dinner invite along with all the other neighbours?

I won't even mention your internet diagnosis.

As a PP said. Pity is not the best basis for a friendship so I wouldn't bother him if I were you.

LadyLuck10 · 14/02/2015 14:15

So because YOU think he is different then he must be autistic Confused
Actually the way you think is weird. It's taken you a few years to realize all of this. Ok then.

AnyFucker · 14/02/2015 14:19

I think you will regret posting this thread Smile

Take my advice, get chatting to him a bit more before you twist his arm up his back invite him for one of your neighbourly dinners. Tbh, they sound like my idea of hell...a bunch of people you would not ordinarily choose to be friends with all thrown in a room together. < runs away screaming >

hijk · 14/02/2015 14:19

yes be friendly when you see him. Why would you, or he, want anything other than that?

Lifesalemon · 14/02/2015 16:56

Since when does not being away at night, eating microwave meals, having a pet and washing your car point to a diagnosis of autism Confused

Gruntfuttock · 14/02/2015 17:15

I find it slightly worrying that you know what he buys at the corner shop. Do you follow him/check his basket if you're in the shop too/discuss his purchases with the person who runs the shop? Confused A mixture of all 3 options I suppose.
I think you should just continue being pleasant when you see him.

Original poster
magrate · 14/02/2015 17:36

I only know what he gets because he tells me and I have seen and heard him doing that (very thin walls so hear microwave food being stabbed then ping)

OP posts:
Frusso · 14/02/2015 17:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.