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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Been pondering this, to have firmly said 'no' to random child at soft play

52 replies

VulvaVoom · 14/02/2015 11:40

Took 2 year old DD to soft play yesterday. She was climbing up to the big slide using the graduated large steps and I was stood behind her watching, close by but not right behind.

A boy who looked about 5 climbed up past DD and turned as she was climbing to kick her deliberately in the face ( it was definitely deliberate) He saw me looking, looked a bit ashamed so I said 'No' to him quite firmly and he turned and carried on climbing.

Was that OK? Think I would be happy for someone to say that to DD if she'd done the same. He missed her mostly anyway but wanted to let him know it's not right to do that.

OP posts:

Gruntfuttock · 14/02/2015 16:34

Well I've seen some silly questions on here, but this one takes the

Bluepants · 14/02/2015 16:38

When my ds was 2, a 7/8yo walked up to him in soft play (ds was standing completely still). The 7/8yo pushed my ds suddenly and sharply and he fell over backwards like a domino. Completely unprovoked and unexpected. Unfortunately for that 7/8yo, my mum was standing nearby and she shouted very angrily at him. That generation have no problem telling off other people's kids!

LadyLuck10 · 14/02/2015 16:38

How do people cope with real parenting issues if they can't figure things like this out.

EvilTendency1 · 14/02/2015 17:09

YABU to even dwell on it. I have no qualms about telling other children off if they are hurting mine deliberately.

WorraLiberty · 14/02/2015 17:12

I suppose I'm just wondering if any parents would take offence candy.

And if they would take offence, what then?

You'd go with the alternative of allowing your child to be deliberately kicked in the face, even though you could have prevented it?

gotthemoononastick · 14/02/2015 17:17

OP can ask any question she likes!!!Mean women on the thread alert!!

Wish you had given him more than a'no',OP.Better than nothing ,though,so do not dwell on it.

EveBoswell · 14/02/2015 17:20

I would have said something, too. YWNBU, OP.

I was upstairs on a bus taking my children home from school. A couple of rows in front of us were two boys who were bullying the boy in front of them whom I knew. He was at a private school so was wearing a naice uniform. I had enough and got up to 'tell' them. They did stop being menaces but, on return to my seat, I found my two DCs cringing in embarrassment. Now they are the same as their mother.

UncleT · 14/02/2015 17:32

go for me it's more of a sad indictment of the levels of paranoia out there when dealing with other kids and their parents, rather than something to be mean about.

Muskey · 14/02/2015 17:41

Recently I had to tell two children off when they were cycling to school. The younger of the two I'd say she was in year 3 wasn't able to control her bike properly and as she was passing me she screamed at me to get out of the way. The following morning same child actually rammed me with her bike. I told her older sister (no parent in sight) that she needs to tell her mum that her sister should not be on a bike if she can't control it. The next day I saw the two girls again this time not on their bikes with a parent. I braced myself for a row as I passed parent and kids. Instead the mum apologised saying that the oldest girl had told her what had happened and that until the youngest child could ride responsibly she would no longer be cycling to school. It restored my faith in human nature

gotthemoononastick · 14/02/2015 17:43

Uncle,there is no paranoia!Posters have mentioned having their heads blown off(with much effing and jeffing) for looking sideways at another person's badly behaved child.

I suspect that this is what OP was querying,whilst counting herself lucky not to have been a player in a nasty scene.

How rude to try to make her feel foolish for posting!

UncleT · 14/02/2015 17:46

Well I certainly never sought to make her feel foolish - merely stated that it was sad that people need to ask this. I totally stand by that sentiment, even though yes, it's true that there are idiots out there who might react horribly. My toddler would still be firmly number one priority and it would still be a complete no-brainer to intervene in the circumstances outlined here.

Floggingmolly · 14/02/2015 17:47

Is it important to you that the parents of kids who kick your kids in the face don't take offence at you telling them not to?

Personally , it'd be the very last thing on my mind.

Gruntfuttock · 14/02/2015 17:48

gotthemoononastick, but the OP still wouldn't have been unreasonable to have spoken to the boy as she did. It would have been the boy's parent/s that would have been unreasonable in that situation. That is why PP are baffled that the OP needs to ask the question.

Original poster

VulvaVoom · 14/02/2015 19:01

You're entitled to feel 'baffled' but I'm also entitled to ask this without my parenting brought into question.

I'm a good mum, I have depression and so I do sometimes worry about my actions correct or otherwise but thanks so much to the poster who suggested I post in chat, that's me told

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/02/2015 20:01

I am of the belief that other people's autonomy ends where mine and my child's begins. You're OK to swing your arms around but if one hits me; my business. 5 yo is fine to climb around but the moment he kicked your DD; your business.

I have perfected the death stare. Puts off most children.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 14/02/2015 20:03

It is difficult with other people's children. I think what you did was pretty good.

The one I struggle with is when kids push ahead of dd when she's queuing nicely. I've got a lot more bolshy about it over the years. Before Xmas she was at a party though and the queue was a bit od a muddle so although I knew loads pushed ahead of her I couldn't tell which. So I let it go and just went and stood by her making sure no one else did. Amusingly the thing they were queuing for was a piñata so as dd was last the dad in charge ripped it open for her as she was hitting. And she got all the sweets. I call that karma. (Although I did make her give one to each of her friends.)

fattymcfatfat · 14/02/2015 20:13

I may have once threatened to have my 8 year old brother throw a seven year old down the steps at soft play once....she came flying up behind ds and gripped his leg and tried to pull him. he was 2. I picked him up. said "how old are you?"
"7"
"and you think its ok to try and hurt babies?"
"so?"
"so if you ever touch my baby again I will get him to throw you down these steps" (pointing to my dbro)
she ran off crying to her mum.
mum tried to rant and rave at me. o told her what had happened and said if her daughter wanted to be a Bully then she would have to accept that her actions have consequences.

Iggly · 14/02/2015 20:15

If my five year old went to kick a strange girl and someone told him off I would applaud them. Thankfully my ds isn't like that though.

I firmly believes it takes a village to raise a child.

Ratbagcatbag · 15/02/2015 13:43

On the flip side, at soft play dd (nearly 2) wanted to play in the sports arena, one lad around 12, kept giving her the blue ball she wanted. (Red wasn't good enough) pretending to miss her poorly time shots at goal and cheering when she scored and just generally being lovely with her. I did find the adult he was with and say he was a credit to them. :)

TheCowThatLaughs · 15/02/2015 13:45

Is this a real question?
No, you should have let him kick her in the face

AliceLidl · 15/02/2015 13:57

"I suppose I'm just wondering if any parents would take offence candy."

Some, hopefully very few, parents probably would take offence OP, but that doesn't mean you were in the wrong to tell him no. You always get the odd one, but I suspect most would have accepted that you were there on the spot and their child needed to be told no.

I think most parents would have done the same as you in the circumstances. I've told plenty of children off in soft play before, obviously with good reason and usually to prevent an injury, and nobody has ever complained to me about my doing it.

Coyoacan · 15/02/2015 18:48

Having lived in a part of town where parents would get really up in arms if you dared say anything to their child, and right bunch of little thugs those children were too, you have my sympathy with your doubts. Personally I told neighbours to feel free about telling my daughter off if they saw her doing something wrong and telling me about it too.

Missrubyring · 19/02/2015 23:14

YADNBU.
Some children have zero awareness when it comes to soft play areas, others can also just be plain spiteful.
We (myself and DP) took our DD(2.8) to a soft play area yesterday and the nastiness that dd got off 2 much older girls was unbelievable, anything she started playing with they would snatch off her, go to push her away and scream/yell in her face that they needed it and she can't have anything, while their parents simply watched. I was livid and I wish I had the confidence to say something to the parents, instead i settled for telling them they should stare while using my death stare.

ThisFenceIsComfy · 19/02/2015 23:23

My DS is a bit of a thug (he is only two) so more likely to be the perpetrator in this situation, and I would be totally fine with your reaction. I do bloody hate soft play though.

fizzycolagurlie · 19/02/2015 23:28

YANBU and I fully understand the anxiety you can feel when faced with a situation like this. You may have just looked at him and said "no" but in your mind you might have been a raging dragon who is about to tear his head off. And that can give you the wobbles.

I think you can post this question in AIBU, parenting, behavior, chat, mental health - i.e. where ever you want to, really. Stuff anyone who moans otherwise. They're just here to moan.

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