To not let my 11yo DD have an Instagram account!

[stripeylion3]

Hi, I have been firmly against DD having fb or Instagram since she first asked a year or so ago. A lot of her friends have accounts and I know one of her friends had one behind her DM back and DD knows I disapprove.

I try to ensure that DD gets lots of whatever else she wants but she is not spoilt. It's a family effort to keep her at a private school as the alternatives are quite undesirable in our area. She is a smart kid but her report last term was all Cs and a D. She can be a B average.

When I was in her room this morning she tilted the screen up quickly (they all got new iPads as was a school requirement this yr grade 7) and I asked what she was doing and, smart kid, answered honestly first time.

She was looking at her friends page and I wasn't mad but I was definitely woken up quickly and working out how to deal with the situation.

I asked if she had a page and she said . ' Yes, Dad said I could have one'. But she agrees that I would agree which is why she didn't tell me. Dad and I are seperated but very amicable.

I had a look at her page which was innocent enough and thought aloud that maybe she could have one but only have people I know on it. But as I scrolled through many followers who I don't know, nor she, there's heaps of soft porn pics of girls with bongs and joints and boobs and bum in skimpy clothes pics.

DD says, 'I don't know who that is, or that hey are following me'.

I say 'well, it seems out of your control then, is that correct?'

She agrees, I ask her to delete the account, which she does. We agree that if she creates any type of social networking account her iPod and iPad will become my property which she can have for school only.

I try to explain to her that I'm trying to protect her from things that are unsuitable for girls her age. That when she's older she can knock herself out with it but for now she needs to get an education.

She can have the ipad and games and music, isn't that enough? Or is it a necessity to have messaging and social networking profiles at 11/12 yo.

I trust my judgement but the older I get I see more how I'm not always right .

AIBU to keep DD social network deprived for he next couple of years.

I have fb and let her all over that so she doesn't feel totally desperate but it's obvs not cool enough .

Thanks for reading

Something doesn't happen magically on the night of their 13th birthday that makes them more responsible or mature.

I think YABU.

When my DD was that age, I had all of her passwords and the accounts were set to my email address so I could see exactly what was happening. I could log in at any time and I did.

I think it is better not to make it 'banned'.

We just got a letter from DD's (junior, not secondary) school saying there's been bullying and inappropriate stuff being sent between pupils using, among other things, Instagram. And obviously trying to get parents to be more aware of the dangers.

YANBU at all

I've posted this before but if you want to share it with your DD please feel free. DS knows that I've shared his experience.
My DS is 14 and has only had an FB account for about 6 months. At first it was because we said a flat 'no' until he reached the age limit of the site but then he became a target for online bullies despite not actually having a social media account. Rumours started about him online between IG and FB banter sites which quickly leaked out into real life. Really nasty rumours involving drugs and drink, him being arrested and being kicked out of school. The rumours reached us pretty quickly - it's a smallish village where everybody knows is related to everybody else. We could prove that at the times he was supposedly out getting drunk he was elsewhere and the school confirmed he was in no trouble. All the rumours were started by his so called friends in school. It was an awful time for him, he didn't want to leave the house and we had a hell of a time convincing him he had nothing to be ashamed of.
In fact he was damn lucky that the school jumped on this hard and fast, we had threatened to call the police but they dealt with it wonderfully - the perpetrators were punished and their parents informed. Most were mortified that their kids had been involved but one still refuses to speak to me because of it.
He's a strong lad and bounced back well, has a good group of friends now and although he has an FB account he barely uses it and we have full access to it.
He doesn't use any other SM site because of his experiences and doesn't feel he has missed out on any type of social life (which will be an argument used in favour of it).
SM sites like Instagram and FB are great but they can be used in awful ways and I don't think most young people are equipped to deal with what can happen.
YANBU x