to be fed up on holiday

[MarianneSolong]

My husband has been very preoccupied with business, but we have just gone on our first childfree holiday for many years. Nowhere exotic - but a rural part of the UK that we both like.

But he's spent quite a bit of the first day moaning about being cold. It's taken the holiday cottage a while to warm up, but with an additional electric fire on it's been okay. He moaned about it raining when we walked to the pub for a meal. He got fretful about the time it took for the food to arrive, because his blood sugar was getting low and he'd forgotten to eat much during the afternoon. I thought he'd perk up when the food arrived, but - perhaps because he'd had paracetamol on an empty stomach - he complained of feeeling faint. He said he wanted to lie down. The pub was quite a quiet one, so he could lie down along the length of the seating. I asked if he wanted to call a doctor, but he said no Then he wanted me to escort him to the door of the gents.

Although I felt concerned about him I felt frustrated and embarassed too. He'd complained of feeling a bit off earlier, but hadn't said he would rather eat in. He came back from the gents feeling a bit better, and managed to eat some of his food. After a bit I said, 'I bet you've forgotten Valentines haven't you?' And he said, 'Oh is it today?' I said no tomorrow. And he said, no it hadn't registered and he hadn't got me anything, but it was how you were with somebody for 365 days of the year, not just on 1 day that counted wasn't it?

And I just felt so exhausted and so fed up...

He had to lie down and get help to the Gents? It sounds like he's maybe been feeling off the whole time, hence feeling the cold more and not enjoying the walk, trying to do it anyway. He may be just unable to wind down or being a moaner for the sake of it but given he's been acting ill maybe give him the benefit of the doubt?

If he's been madly going at it at work, I doubt valentines day would have even registered and it's too late now (especially when ill) so he's probably being blasé.

Unless he has big time form for being a lazy, malingering drama queen.

(I am in my 50s and have kids aged 12 and 14 - they are still living at home)

Diabetes springs to mind to me too. The lack of valentines card would not bother me at all. I see that as for newly together couples. How old are your children given this is a first holiday without them? I do sympathise about being away with someone who is ill. I remember bring stuck in a smell holiday cottage pre children with my dh suffering a migraine.

I thought you were probably talking about someone in they're 20's- 40's then I would have said YANBU but he is.But with your husbands age I'd be more inclined to be worried about him.

How's he feeling today?If he's still really feeling out of sorts I'd find out where the nearest GP is.I know it's pita someone being ill on holiday especially when it's your first child free one for a long time,but no one ever wants to feel ill,it's just sadly one of those sods law things that sometimes happens.

I don't agree with him about Valentine's day.We celebrate it every year and we've been together along time and have 5DC.My husband buys me flowers and little gifts throughout the year and always does nice things for me pretty much daily.So I don't agree that people either celebrate Valentine's day and do nothing nice for the OH the rest of the year or they do nice things for the rest of the year but don't bother on Valentine's day.If he knows Valentine's day is something you like to celebrate then he should have bought you something.

I hope your DH picks up today and that your holiday starts picking up for you as well.

I'd be concerned about him. He sounds as if he is unwell. At 60-something he is right to be a bit more frightened than he would have been at twenty. At twenty when we are ill it never crosses our mind that it could be something serious. At sixty it always does.

Hope he recovers and that sleep and a rest help you both to enjoy the holiday.

If my DH needed/wanted to lie down in the pub and then asked for help to the gents, I would be very very worried, probably be calling a doctor, but you OP knows him and obviously isn't worried.

I wouldn't be at all concerned about Valentines, whether he was ill or not. It does sound to me like, even if he's not seriously ill, he is in need of a proper rest.

Hi- just to update you. My husband had had an MoT - blood tests etc at the GP a few days before we were leaving, so I could be reasonably sure there were no major illnesses. He threw up at night and isn't eating much, so presumably picked up some virus, perhaps because he was overdoing things before we left. I'm the sort of person who quite often throws up, (travel sickness etc) so am very good at managing it. My husband rarely gets nauseuous in this way, so is less good at coping it seems. He tends to fluctuate between saying how well he feels and rushing about - and the sort of panicky helplessness which was in evidence last night.

I am trying to ensure that our plans for today - and the following days are realistic. I think I've had a tough year with him. He retired after doing a very demanding job and promptly set up a new business based at home - which has had a major impact on me. He's wanted a lot of support and assistance from me. My husband has also been stressed about his father who is in his nineties and has dementia. Although in his previous career he got tired and drained, it actually seems harder since he's retired because I don't really feel I've had my own life and my own space. Also for me there are some regrets about not having prioritised my own work sufficiently.

So I suppose all sorts of things are coming to a head...