To feel like quitting my job after finding out what a colleague got for a pay rise / bonus?

[Albadross]

I've been 'proving I can work at the next grade above me' since 2012. In that time I've more than proved I can deliver, and I've met all my objectives every year and then some.

My role was in limbo for a long time - I started there as a PA but there wasn't much of that sort of work to do so I just forged my own remit. My boss told me to simply pretend I had been moved up a grade but there was never any formal announcement of my duties expanding and I was still listed as a PA in all the official org charts etc.

It's made my life difficult because I'm constantly having to ask very senior people to do things, when they understandably just think I'm a jumped up junior that they don't need to bother listening to. Despite this I've created some great working relationships with senior bods and made things happen that others above me had struggled to do previously.

I've also been working voluntarily on projects that have seen very tangible results that benefit a lot of people, and I won an award for that work. I've had great feedback from external clients and I've represented the company at very high profile events.

I was recently having my role finally regraded after asking for this to be done to reflect what I actually do for over a year, and despite my role profile definitely being a certain grade (it was written to meet the capabilities set for that grade), it was kept at a lower one after I was kept in limbo for 3 months. It's STILL not finalised.

The worst part is that 3 days a week of my role has been funded externally because of a situation that I can't go into in case it identifies me, so the company got a full time headcount but only paid for 2 days of it. I think it's wrong for a large org to take funding that could actually benefit someone who really needs it.

I've just found out my pay rise for the year is a measly £350, and I also found out a colleague I work very closely with and who I think is on a equal par when it comes to level of work and achievement got £8K pay rise plus a £6K bonus.

I am devastated. This whole idea of making someone prove themselves by doing more than their role requires, rather than giving them a challenge to rise to seems the wrong way round to me.

AIBU to expect to be recognised for my work through either a promotion or parity of pay, and not just kept on under the same terms whilst the abuse of funding situation carries on indefinitely?

I just feel like there's no point in working hard anymore. So demoralising

Yeah, had the same. It seems very common for women to be asked to prove themselves, while men get the opportunity to stretch themselves.

Eventually got fed up of jumping through hoops, went job shopping and recruiters almost bit my hand off in excitement. Got almost 25% payrise.

Are you in the sort of role where you can move easily (i.e. not a public sector role where there's only one employer and very fixed job levels?). If so, I'd suggest you bear in mind that most private sector employers look at what you did rather than the label attached, as in many industries there's no kind of consistency about job titles at all.

I really feel for you as am currently in a similar situation.

Tbh after 5 years I have given up any hope of career progression & am hanging in because the job is at least very convenient for me & I like most of my colleagues.

I'm going to work on some projects that interest me & may be profitable in my spare time instead of pouring my energy into flogging a dead horse at work.

There have been some great suggestions on here - I really hope you manage to get it sorted out .

just to play devils advocate here - is your colleague better at the job than you?

There's only 2 options

1. The boss /hr thinks your colleague is better than you
2. Your boss thinks you wont stand up for yourself and advocate for what you are worth

either way if it was me I'd be thinking these things were my responsibility to fix. it would be nice if the world was a fair place and employers willingly paid everyone what they deserved but its unlikely to happen.

I always negotiate high salaries, better pay rises and would be very annoyed if my pay was held back to keep it in line with my colleagues. you can bet it would work this way rather than increasing everyones pay to a better level.

Way back in the 1960s my mother was in a similar position to yours, except then it was perfectly legal. She was in her forties and the bosses were confident that she wouldn't find another job. She not only found another job but was able to rise up through the ranks to a very well paid responsible position.

Do check and see if you have a case for sex discrimination. As for jigsaw's comment, I think the very fact that only the men go for training contradicts any likelihood of it being anything other than discrimination at its most blatant

I had a similar experience, I worked my socks off doing my job really well, was always told I was doing well but was never promoted. Then a senior position came up, I thought it had my name all over it, as did my colleagues, but to my horror and utter humiliation I did not get it and to add insult to injury was asked to train the person who was recruited. I was so upset, it made me wonder if all my efforts that last decade had been wasted. As far as I saw, I had two choices, kick up an almighty fuss, prove my point but make my position untenable and probably end up leaving; or make sure that the next opportunity would be mine. I chose the latter. Although I did not hide my disappointment I stayed very professional and did everything I could to put myself in the right position. I was a woman on a mission and became a master of spin. Eventually a couple of years later another opportunity came up and I bagged the job. Senior management had finally remembered my dedication, and also how I had managed my initial disappointment.

Unfortunately, the delay in gaining the more senior position meant I was then too late to apply for another promotion, which by then would probably have been mine by rights as I was the only person in the team with the right experience. Part of the reason I believe I was not considered to be right for the job was that I was the only woman with a family (the other women have no children, the men have SAHM for wives). My boss, who was lovely but so terribly wrong on that point, could not comprehend that I wanted more responsibility. He was more supportive the second time round, saying that he had not realised how "ambitious" I was. I was flabbergasted, that a woman who had children but still wanted her career to progress was considered ambitious, yet it was perfectly acceptable for the men to feel that way. It made me realised how I needed to better articulate my professional aspirations and sell myself a lot more to be taken seriously.

The best professional advice I was given, is that when you think you have been wronged don't go telling to all and sundry that you were not thought to be good enough, find a way of rectifying it quietly. No one promotes whingers amd no-one who sues their employer manages to stay in the job long. Instead go with your line manager and ask him what you need to do to get the next promotion, if necessary involve HR so that there is more transparency. A great book I found useful was along the lines "why nice girls never get the corner office", very interesting in how us women behave in the workplace.

Good luck!

I am bit shocked at the people telling you to accept and just try harder. So even though it is illegal to discriminate against women, just suck it up and work even harder?

You need to go in and quite clearly say "can you please explain why the MEN in the team are getting all the training opportunities, payrises and bonuses and I'm not? " Then sit stoney faced in silence and wait til they speak.

YY to this. YABNU at all.

I have to say that you should consider leaving very seriously as one of the options including a grievance. I'm biased. I was in a role where I was doing about 5-6 times the performance and size of role of a colleague on 10k more than me, and all I got were clever defences when I found out and challenged this. .the colleague getting paid more was a regular coffee partner for an almost totally incompetent boss the defences were eg 'well the job shouldn't be paid more if the scale is bigger.. its the same job' even though the scale adds complexity considerably. . Your performance is good, but its just the market' ( er the market is down, my colleague's department results are static, mine has increased threefold, the number of senior people she deals with is five, i manage the needs of 30 etc etc etc .

In my case the grade higher than mine had 'traditionally' been a male job and grades 'below' were originally considered 'secretarial' I.e female. Its higher education. The boss still had a view that it was big male boss with large salary doing nothing but managing upstairs, backslapping and fobbing off criticism, surrounded by team of women actually doing the work, who were 'wives and girlfriends' of academics and technical staff. Think typing pool as the original admin team. So much so he actually actively sacked men to get back to this model. Most of these jobs have become professional client management, course coordination, events management and pa roles with higher sophistication needed in finamcial and budget management database and records management, marketing and reporting, but the whole scale is depressed because of the 'traditional' gender divide. They even manipulated a hay evaluation system to continue this distortion by giving approval rights to managers where usually this is avoided. I would record as much as you can, look aggressively for other work, and consider grievance/negotiation once you have one foot in the leaving mindset.

You could easily be manipulated into constantly 'proving' but them thinking 'I am brilliant I am manipulating her to do more work for nothing' you have proved, so where's the reward should be in your head at all times.

My heart goes out to you as its awful to be disregarded in this way and the 'missing' finance could disadvantage your whole career/family/pension so a grievance etc should take account of this.

Hamiltoes if you were not considered or even informed about that promotion while on mat leave that is discrimination and you'd have a very good case against them should you want to.

OP as a previous poster said, you're either not as good at your job as your colleagues are, or seen as a pushover. Assuming it's the latter, you need to fight (politely). Companies will generally pay you the least they think they can get away with. I have had to be quite pushy, bordering on aggressive to get pay rises in the past but 9/10 it has worked.

Re training - it doesnt sound like something thet are obliged to give you but something that you request an interest in and make a case for why it would be useful.

I have just done this in my work and a couple of colleagues are annoyed but they have never mentioned training to our bosses or just mentioned it in passing whilst I put together a cost v benefit analysis to justify it. however if you have raised it appropriately and justified it but was refused then I think you have a point and case about discrimination.

Its easy to think you are as good as your other colleague but are you sure they thibk the same? Really look at it from the companies position.

Was the colleague a man or not have children? You might have a case for sex discrimination if so.

Also wondering why all these women are just trying harder in the same old place.

Just pick up the phone. Call a couple of recruiters. See what's out there. You really have nothing to lose.

I think you need to look for another job. Don't put up with being treated badly because your employer won't pay you enough.

Loyalty doesn't pay, unfortunately. You should trade on your experience. Why are you continuing to work for an employer who's treated you like rubbish? I'd be looking for another job pronto, when you get an offer you can either resign and go, or resign and use it as a negotiation point if they are interested in you staying (but be prepared to walk if they are not interested)

I hate it when people advise 'just get another job.'

Why SHOULD the OP have to move and get herself another position in another company? That's just quietly accepting and failing to challenge this discrimination.

OP you need to challenge this.

Goodness if every woman faced with this type of thing simply leaves, nothing will ever change. Her company will simply hire someone a male to replace her.

MamaMary - it should never be the discriminated-against individual's responsibility to "fix" a company. That's just adding insult to injury.

If the OP chooses, she could raise a grievance, submit an equal pay questionnaire, even go to tribunal. But it should never be seen as an obligation - she should do it because she wants to, has enough personal support that she can go through the process, etc.

Things get better by employees voting with their feet too. As a hiring manager, I WANT people to leave bad employers because then they have a chance of being valued and appreciated by a good one.

Either way - OP's choice.

Your experience sounds like nothing unusual. The people who get promoted aren't the most competent: they are the ones who are either sleeping with the right person or just preferred over you.

Seen this way too many times, its not fair but it happens. Recognition for hard work goes unnoticed, so you may as well just stick to doing the job description! ( been there, bought the T-shirt!)

The way to get more pay in industry is fine an alternative job offer and show your boss and say if you do not match it leave. One my children (20s) has just moved jobs with a £10k pay rise. The other got £20k. It is really important women like they are work at this and push and push and not just do good work but make sure everyone knows you are good at your work. You need to market yourself as brilliant. Too many women neglect that side of things. However it is the other companies wanting you which is the real key to getting the pay rise/doing a move. Be prepared to move too. We moved hundreds of miles for my first job and my children's father followed. I moved three jobs in about 8 years each time for more pay even though that meant no (in those days) significant maternity rights. That movement and pushing and asking for more does pay off. It tends to pay off more than bringing discrimination cases which tend to be sensible only if you intend never to work again. However you certainly have a right under the Equality Act 2010 I think it is in an employment dispute to get details of comparable male/female colleagues to see what pay they are on.

Keep marketing that personal brand. Tell everyone how wonderful you are. Spend as much time on that as you do on actually doing the work. Shout it from the roof tops, show off. In other words do what men (and some women) do.