To remind hubby frequently that he gets a day off and I dont... (*RANT!*)

[mrsnlw]

Our son is 6m and I wouldnt change him or being a Mum for the world. But my DH annoys me sometimes in that DS goes to my parents Mon, Weds Fri and nursery Tues and Thurs. I work full time Mon - Fri. Hubby works 35 hours a week on a 2 weekly rota which has alternate weekends in. When he has a weekend in, he has the Friday and the Monday off.

In a normal week he works 8-4 in the week whilst I do 9-530. I drop DS off at parents/nursery and he collects DS from nursery and I collect from my parents. I dont mind this as it allows me to see my Mum albeit for 10 mins and hubby tidies the house.

On the days hubby picks son up, I get home and pots are still on the drainer. Tea is still to be cooked. DS still to be and and I just think FFS. I managed it all when I was on mat leave. Why can you not do it?! So I then start with all that shit.

He has a week off next week and mentioned was my Mum having him still... So I think oh maybe he and DS can be together Mon and Fri giving him 3 days in between to do what he wants. Instead of having him just 1 day or any day at all. I suggested this last night and he kicked up a royal stink about how I was telling him what to do. Cue me reminding him that I work 5 days a week and dont get a single day off from having DS. Really annoys be because I dont get any time to myself and yet he wants a whole f*cking week to himself.

One I think its not fair on our son - his dad is off and therefore his dad should be with him
Two I think its unfair on my parents that if DH is off, they should still have DS!

ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Yadnbu your husband is behaving like a man child.

YANBU. Why isn't he having Ds on the days he's home in the week every other week too? I'm sure if you had his schedule you's give your parents a Mon and Friday break every other week, so should he.
Maybe he just hasn't thought this through. I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt

He often will have DS on say the Friday meaning my parents have him 2 days instead (My mum actually misses not having DS when he stays at home!) But I was particularly enraged at his comment that I was telling him what to do and when I walk in and aftr doing a day at work have to start cleaning and tidying. Im sure he thinks we have a house tidy fairy!

Ha ha ha. My sister is married to a man that returns his two children to his ex-wife when he needs a rest during his annual two week stint as dad. It's very tiring being a parent, apparently, and he often needs a rest for a few days before he goes back to work.

I'm sure his ex-wife is as impressed as I am.

However, time to discuss rationally, or accept that everyone is overtired, overworked, over emotional and you could all do with a rest - just that he is lucky enough to have engineered it

Be kind to yourselves, having a baby is hard work, and it's really easy to fall into the 'I have it harder than you' competition. You are a team. Don't get resentful, just work out how you can all make it easier for yourselves.

I would focus on the stuff that matters (him cleaning up more during the week). As for the other stuff, agree with madwoman that the cycle of competitive tiredness will ruin your marriage quicker than anything else.

Also, I completely disagree that having a Friday and a Monday off is the same as having a full weekend. Typically it takes a whole day to decompress and having nonconsecutive days off is barely a break from work. Also, part of the weekend is the rhythm of everyone being off. Being at home on a weekday is just not the same.

I think that it is unreasonable of him to expect your parents took look after your DS when he isn't at work (unless they really want to of course). That is all that needs to be said really.