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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU about friends ex

21 replies

obeliaboo · 13/02/2015 09:38

I have never involved myself in someone else's relationship, because i'd never want anyone to try to involve themselves in mine - simples.

HOWEVER (this could be pregnancy hormones on my part), my partners friend recently broke up with his partner who has a child under 5, and although he is not biologically the childs father he has been there since he was one, and has raised him as his own.
Unfortunately he found out his partner was cheating on him, he tried to get past it, he stuck around but they were just bickering. She would throw abuse at him about how he doesnt trust her, that she's a slag etc and tell him to just get over the fact that she cheated on him. He works, she doesn't - so there set up relied on him injecting extra income to support them, she depended on him to transport her about etc, normal in many relationships etc.
Now she's regularly posting on facebook about how her child 'is so upset' and it 'breaks her heart' the situation she's in, how people dont understand that depression makes you do 'bad things' but not actually clarifying to a soul that she cheated on him which is why he left. All the while slagging him off to her friends - he however, has told practically no one and is devastated.

AIBU to want to tell her to get a grip? She betrayed her boyfriends trust, a man who was never obliged to step into the shoes of being her child's parent, but did and loves that child like his own. She is using emotional abuse, and has an excuse for all her behaviour, while she goes around sponging up sympathy and telling lies about a man, who i know to be a genuine guy. Thankfully he's wised up, and he knows he deserves far more respect and to not be taken for granted, but he misses his 'son' more than anything. RANT.

OP posts:

mommy2ash · 13/02/2015 09:43

you aren't unreasonable to want to tell her but you would be unreasonable to do it nobody would thank you

WrappedInABlankie · 13/02/2015 09:44

YNBU

I hate people like this. I stopped being friends with someone like this and this played a part. She did the same thing went from her kids dad to another man no break between when they split she was "devastated" so much so she was on OD the next day Since then she's had 3/4 different men who she introduces to her kid who then "misses them so much" and its heartbreaking and devastating etc

I never did tell her to get a grip just stopped speaking to her

PtolemysNeedle · 13/02/2015 09:45

YANBU to want to tell her to get a grip, but you would be Unreasonable if you actually did it. I get where your frustration is coming from though.

WhereYouLeftIt · 13/02/2015 09:51

Are you FB friends with this woman, to be seeing her posts? Do you have any mutual friends?

Original poster

obeliaboo · 13/02/2015 09:58

I'm gritting my teeth - it's not my place to say anything, i'm aware no one would thank me. But even her family are supporting these little statements - it's just such an injustice to him, he was utterly in love, his whole world has caved in on him.
I think this is the first time i've found myself sucked into someone else's relationship drama. Obviously i've had friends in the past who've divulged things to me and as a friend, you listen, but im generally far more objective and neutral.

OP posts:

LadyLuck10 · 13/02/2015 10:03

Yanbu, she sounds like a nasty piece of work and I'm glad your friend is well did of her. Unfortunate for her son that he lost a good role model. However she's slowly showing her true colours and people will see through her attention seeking ways eventually.

CupidStuntSurvivor · 13/02/2015 16:19

If you were a little closer to the situation, I'd say you'd be completely justified to comment something like "if you're going to publicise your situation on Facebook, at least give an accurate account of why he left".

But you say this is your OH's friend's ex...I completely understand why you want to say something but I wouldn't recommend it unless you're particularly close to the friend.

laughingmyarseoff · 13/02/2015 16:20

Block her on facebook and ignore her. You know the truth, you can set people straight if they slag off your friend.

pictish · 13/02/2015 16:24

Think it, but do not say it.

wheresthelight · 13/02/2015 17:40

My stbxh did very similar although not on fb cos he is too thick to use it. instead he would tell anyone that would listen that I was a cheating whore and had left him penniless and destitute.

I never cheated
I walked away with absolutely nothing and signed my share of our house over to him just to get the bastard to agree to a divorce
I never told a soul outside of my parents sister and best friend why I left.

I found out that he had done some work at the house of an old school friends mum and had been doing the whole woe is me bollocks. Unbeknownst to me my mum and her were friends and she had told this lady why I had left so said lady went on to tell my twat ex exactly what she thought of his behaviour and his bullshit and pointed out that if he was any sort of man he would either keep his mouth shut or tell the truth.

I hugged her when she told me!!

the fall put could be extreme but I would certainly put something that makes reference to the fact that all is not as she is painting it.

laughingmyarseoff · 14/02/2015 08:32

wheresthelight Awesome on that lady! I see people slagging off their exes on facebook all the time, mostly it's just venting because they've had a raw deal but there are two that frankly lie (like your ex) and brought it on themselves. One cheated more than once and yet bemoans and slags off his ex who was just unable to leave him, the other had a long term emotional affair with someone at work and used to make her ex think she was just paranoid and crazy- both deserved to be dumped and I've unfollowed them both.

wheresthelight · 14/02/2015 09:05

when she told me what she had done she was properly worried I would be cross but actually it made me howl with laughter because he has just ignored me when I have told him to stop lying and take some responsibility for his part in the end of our marriage. he is 57 and really needs to start acting his age!

he forgets that I knew a lot of his extended family before I knew him through work and he has slagged me off to all of them, his aunty threw him out her house and told him never to come back. told him she didn't like liars and tell tales. she text me after and told me she had no idea why we had split and didn't want to know but as far as she was concerned we had been friends before I met him and she knew I would never do the stuff I was accused of. she also said it was a family trait of the men in her family and congratulated me on leaving!

sometimes people need calling on their lies.

Branleuse · 14/02/2015 09:09

i would probably say something. " he left because you cheated. You are the reason why your son is crying"

UncleT · 14/02/2015 09:13

YANBU, and neither would you be unreasonable to say it. Bollocks to not telling people when they're being a disappointment or a twat - they should be made aware of how their conduct is viewed.

laughingmyarseoff · 14/02/2015 09:16

Lol, sounds like your ex got more then he bargained for and is well known as a liar however much he shouts that it's untrue.

MimiSunshine · 14/02/2015 09:31

IMO YWBU to just randomly post on her wall that she's a cheating lying witch if she was keeping her private life private.
But she's not, she's putting it on fb and inviting comment, therefore if there's no chance if them getting back together I think next time she posts something like that I, I'd write:
You cheated on your ex who loved your son as his own and now are lying about it. Stop slagging him off, he doesn't deserve it.

Then delete and block from fb. I once called someone out on fb for their idiotic and somewhat offensive views. I didn't want her to believe that as no one challenged them (no one was replying) that she was right.
About 30 people after me also did the same and she never changed her attitude so I deleted her but sometimes you can't just turn away and say "it's not my place"

mummytippy · 14/02/2015 10:10

Why can't people respect other people. It sounds like she had a good man there who had loved and supported her and her child. What a despicable way to behave and that's before the bad mouthing on social media.

I would have a word with her if you've nothing to lose. She should be ashamed of herself and her poor little boy will be extremely upset by losing this man who he sees as a father in his life. What a selfish person she is.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 14/02/2015 10:45

Don't think you should start a FB war but could you post a "supportive" message that just happens to give the relevant details.

Something along the lines of

"You poor thing. It's such a shame. X is devasted too. He really wanted to keep the relationship going but just couldn't get over you cheating. Hopefully when the dust settles he will be able to keep being such a wonderful step dad to Y."

GatoradeMeBitch · 14/02/2015 12:11

From the sounds of it both of them wanted him to remain in the childs life. So why can't he?

Original poster

obeliaboo · 21/02/2015 12:11

I've just stopped speaking to her, its made my blood boil but im just keeping my nose out. If i hear anything else, i'll certainly step up, im not one for just jumping in, but i dont think its right to pretend nothings happening or that her behavior is okay when her ex desperately wants to see his little boy, biological or not.
She's dangling her child like a carrot, but then telling said child 'you will never see x again'.

OP posts:

laughingmyarseoff · 21/02/2015 17:46

Ignoring is the best way OP, silence speaks volumes. If you've got her on fb I'd defriend or at least unfollow to to gain more distance. Some people love to play control games, those people are not worth any decent peoples time or effort.

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