when people babysit for a few hours

[ithoughtofitfirst]

Been finding it a bit challenging with a toddler and baby. Not logistically so much but more my mood and energy levels. I've been going to a parenting workshop type thing for tips with toddler ds and they're brilliant and really helpful. But one thing the people who run this course flagged up was that it seemed like I was doing all the right things but am just sleep deprived and doubting myself. Makes sense. I massively over think things when I'm tired too so I think a certain behaviour makes me a terrible mother when deep down I know it's just normal 2yo behaviour.

So. My homework from last week was to try and catch opportunities for 'me time' (cringe) since I can't do much about the lack of sleep e.g. a bath (on my own), reading a book, whatever. Made sense and I talked to dh about it and he was up for it and loves having both dc on his own and so does my mum. Fab!

Ffs I never keep these short and sweet. I feel like I need to do a massive back story like on the x factor. "The journey".

So yesterday afternoon I booked myself in for colour and cut which I haven't had for about 5 months so was rocking a sort of accidental ombre type look. I thought it would the perfect me time opportunity that I could grab. I expressed loads of milk ahead of it, steralised bottles, made sure there were loads of snacks for my mum (who offered to have them) and toys to hand and everything. She loves looking after them individually so I knew I was really lucky/grateful that she offered to have them both.

When I got back from my appointment my mum just hands me the baby and says "oh thank God I've been desperate for a wee this whole time" and runs to the toilet. When she came back I asked her what happened that she couldn't have a wee. Ds apparently "wouldn't let" her go and she couldn't put the baby down because she got sad. I was completely baffled by this. Bless her! She'd been bursting for a piss for the best part of 2 and a half hours!

Even if I'm looking after other's children/babies and I need to go to the toilet/get a drink I just do it. One friend has a particularly grizzly baby and I just put him in his bouncy chair for a bit, tell him it's ok and I'll be right back and then pick him up and cuddle him straight after I've finished. Or if I have a friend's toddler I just let them help me get a drink or let them come into the bathroom with me/leave the door open so I can see them. This is common practice right?

Aibu to think that's just how you get things done? Is it different when it someone else's baby/child?

Your mum is just a soft granny. Of course you're allowed to pee

Your mum was being weird and unreasonable. Of course it's ok to put a baby down to do a wee, even if he screams the place down for a minute while you do so.

I don't know your mum but this sounds like a passive-aggressive plan to me, to make sure you never ask again. Maybe I'm being uncharitable.

YANBU

My mum is like this. Say she looks after DS for half an hr to let me get a couple of things done. I'm inundated with requests ie will you bring me x y z
Because she doesn't want to leave him down. I say 'how the hell do u think I do anything by myself?!!' Pisses me off no end. Yesterday I was trying to complete a form & she interrupted me 3 times. In the end I yelled 'you are doing my head, give me 5 fucking minutes!'.

But it's just because she loves him so much she can't bare to put him down but that isn't a gd way to gd or teach him.

My DP would do this. He'd feed DD (3) and get her drinks and snacks all day but when I got home he'd moan that he was starving and hadn't had time to eat. FFS. What he means really is that he wants to eat in peace which sometimes just isn't possible with kids.

fish funny you should say that. I definitely won't be asking again. I think feeling guilty afterwards renders the whole me time exercise completely pointless. I'll ask dh next time and go on a Saturday!

yanbu but what am unnecessarily long op

I know. Ridiculous! I laughed when I read it back.

Wasn't too long OP. It did strike me though that the preparation for your time off and rushing around grabbing bits of shopping isn't really in the spirit of "me time". Is it possible for you to get online shopping delivered? Take the time off for yourself, don't take on extra work to make it possible. Maybe give your mum another chance if you can bear it, let her have the opportunity to spend time alone with her grand children and she will toughen up to the tears.

Why do you have to ask DH to babysit his own DC?

He is their father and should be doing his share of the parenting.

If she was that desperate she would have gone for a wee! Odd. And PA. She should have made you feel everything had been fine really.

Well I am impressed by your Mum's pelvic floor.

Sorry misread yr op, thought you were grabbing shopping not the opportunity.

My mum used to insist she loved babysitting, but once I went on an overnight visit, keeping her informed that I would be collecting at 1pm. Travelled back on a motorbike so my mobile was in a rucksack. When I got to a service station and checked it at about 11am, there were 79 missed calls!!! Some grans are a bit weird at babysitting I guess.

I see what you mean about the prep flim if she offers again I will take her up on it but not otherwise.

neither good point. On weekends and evenings we just check with each other whether it's okay to go and do things. Like if he goes for work drinks or to the football he asks if I'll be ok on my own with them. I just haven't taken him up on returning the favour yet since dd is still so little yaknow.

79!!!!!!!

It was like reading a novel there. I was looking forward to the end of thestory and i was expecting something more dramatic.

I know Susan I would have pissed myself.

She does do pelvic floor exercises every time she reads. She's mentioned it once or twice.

The length of my OP reminded me of that mumsnet classics thread where the OP copies and pastes millions of sad faces.

Bonkers. I felt bad for leaving DS crying but I still did it when nature called! I used to leave the door open and keep talking to him so he would know I was still there just out of sight. Keep working on getting time nor yourself OP.

Take her up on it again, and be explicit that it's okay for her to put the baby down even if it cries, and to tell the toddler that she's going to the loo even if he makes a fuss.

No, it's not different when it's someone else's child. Do you think playgroup staff don't use the toilet if a 2 year old says they can't?

The more I think of it I'm sure it was a passive aggressive thing. Bit annoying really since when I was struggling with ds and pnd my dad gave me a bit of a scalding about the vacuuming not being done and my mum just getting on with it when she had 2 children.

I'm not asking again.

I would never put my grizzly baby down until I absolutely had to but I'm a giant softie :). Of course you're allowed to pee, I'm sure if she had them a whole day she'd put the baby down to pee and eat :).

well I think you all sound lovely. you do need some time to yourself and your mum will get used to the logistics.

next time leave them with your husband

I feel for you, OP. My ex-DH used to do this on the rare occasions he's have DS for a few hours - be massively cross when I came home, as he hadn't been to the loo or eaten the entire time, and thus was in a FOUL mood. What did he think I did?

I really can't understand why she can't have done what I have often done when minding my dgc......just wrap baby in a blanket and lie her on the bathroom floor for the minute or do it takes to have a wee.