Have name changed as this is all very personal info.
I feel in order to move on I need to tell someone what these past years have been like but I can't bring myself to tell anyone 'real'.
I met Dh when I was young and fell pregnant all too soon. Things went downhill quickly. Dh went on a lads holiday and left me to deal with early pregnancy alone, I ended up in hospital with a possible mc and he stayed abroad not really bothered. Dd was ok and I was just overcome by this love I had for my child that I ignored his lack of care. I was young and scared and didn't want to be alone in this.
He didn't come to my first official scan because he had been texting an ex girlfriend and I just felt betrayed for a second time. We spent the next few months not getting along so well, he was unsupportive and hurtful. I felt like I'd be lost on my own and out of fear I carried on.
When dd was born we moved in together and when dd was 4 months old we had been out to a family get together, Dh got a phone call from some friends asking him to meet them on a night out and I asked him not to go, he left me on the doorstep with our dd and I shouted that I wasn't sure if I had keys and he shouted to the person driving 'just leave her she's a fucking bitch' (found keys in bag but he was willing to leave me locked out with dd)
He has called me everything under the sun including a lazy, dirty bitch when the housework slipped while I was pregnant with dc2 (yes I had another child with this man)
When dd was about 1 I found pictures of a half naked woman he had been talking to on the Internet and I left.
I went to stay with family but had nowhere permanent so ended up going back.
Things where ok for a while until one day we where having an argument in the car (dd was not there) and he was eating and I pushed his hand and made him spill his food and he shoved it into the side of my head and my head slammed into the car windows, he repeatedly punched me in the leg until he calmed down.
He's lied about money, debts, using porn and god knows what else.
And here I am today. He's nowhere near as bad, he's lovely towards the kids but I still feel were not a priority. He's no role model and I'm not scared anymore. Today I've decided I'm going to leave, for me and for my two young dc's.
To the outside world he seems like a decent husband and a loving father and I just needed to get that off my chest so thank you to anyone who read the full post.