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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this comment was thoughtless?

27 replies

MightyMightyToros · 12/02/2015 16:33

At lunch with two friends, and we got to talking about relationships.

To give some background tmy friend since the age of 16 has probably been single for at most a month of her life.

Her and her boyfriend of 3 years split up and the next day she was signing up to dating websites etc

Anyway she mentioned that she had bumped into an ex (just someone she had been with a couple of months) and was laughing saying I can't believe I dated him and then said -

Yeah I just don't do being single.

Our other friend is single and looked a bit hurt by this comment.

Would you think this was a thoughtless comment?

OP posts:
DuchessofCuntbridge · 12/02/2015 16:34

Not really... I think it just makes her sound a bit shallow. I don't think it was a dig at your friend.

calmexterior · 12/02/2015 16:36

No, I don't think being single is a bad thing? Many people would rather be single than in a relationship they regret, maybe your friend was admitting she can't be on her own - a weakness.

HedgehogsDontBite · 12/02/2015 16:38

Some people don't do single. I used to know a woman who hadn't been single since she was 14. The next relationship was always started before the last one was ended. Which makes me think these people don't have the confidence to be on their own. I'm not sure why a single person would be hurt by that Confused.

curlyweasel · 12/02/2015 16:38

YABU and completely daft. Your friend was pointing out she doesn't 'do' single and that she even goes out with prats so she's not. Not thoughtless.

championnibbler · 12/02/2015 16:42

Your friend sounds like a twat.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 12/02/2015 16:43

No... Everyone is different. Surely she was just pointing out that she isn't very good at being on her own? Unless you think being single is a bad thing I can't see why this would be considered insensitive.

DontDrinkandFacebook · 12/02/2015 16:47

She's just being honest about herself. Some people would rather date a gorilla with genital herpes than find out what it's like to be on their own for a bit.

Other people would happily give it a go, being single for a while, but fate works in such a way that they never seem to get the opportunity.

It was not any kind of a judgement on your single friend and it should not be construed as such. If your single friend took it as a personal slight then that really is her problem to deal with.

weeblueberry · 12/02/2015 16:49

I'd have taken that more to mean 'I'm not really happy being alone' which I'd have felt more pity for than scorn tbh...

WD41 · 12/02/2015 16:52

Thoughtless in what way? She wasn't criticising being single, she was saying that she's not comfortable being on her own and will even date idiots to avoid it. I would expect she's lacking in self esteem and needs a partner to validate her. Been there, done that.

Yabu

mytartanscarf · 12/02/2015 16:59

It's thoughtless if you believe being with a prat is better than being single!

I'm always single. Not bothered. I think I'm just too much of a free spirit Grin

ragged · 12/02/2015 17:00

Is this one of those MN threads where people insist on mind-reading what someone really meant from their actually quite simple throw away words? I guess you were there OP, you know if Friend A meant to say something sneery about friend B.

In my mind, Friend A's comments about not 'doing single' could just as easily mean "I'm a pathetic loser who can't live more than 2 minutes without a man to cling to". So they only mean something awful about friend B or people like friend B if, er, you insist on hearing them that way.

mytartanscarf · 12/02/2015 17:01

Don't think so ragged.

Honestly I have NEVER had a proper relationship and can honestly say the above comment wouldn't remotely have resonated.

LadyLuck10 · 12/02/2015 17:02

Your friend is actually ridiculous for being hurt over this. What is there to be hurt aboutConfused

WorraLiberty · 12/02/2015 17:04

I've tried so hard to think of a way in which that might be a thoughtless comment.

No luck so far Confused

SuperFlyHigh · 12/02/2015 17:06

My brother doesn't do being single, nor does an ex best friend of mine. your friend is getting het up over nothing or you think she is.

DontDrinkandFacebook · 12/02/2015 17:06

Well Worra I suppose if you think that being single is something to be pitied (which the OP clearly does) then it could be construed as thoughtless.

BuzzardBird · 12/02/2015 17:17

I don't see how the 'offended' could be hurt by a comment about something she is ok with IYSWIM? If she is fine with being single, why would she be offended by someone who isn't?

Original poster
MightyMightyToros · 12/02/2015 17:21

All I said was friend looked hurt.

Nothing was said, no one cried.

I suppose if you think that being single is something to be pitied (which the OP clearly does)

erm ... Hmm no I don't.

OP posts:
GotToBeInItToWinIt · 12/02/2015 17:45

Why do you think it was thoughtless then mighty?

FrenchJunebug · 12/02/2015 17:46

YABU that's not thoughtless. It is just stating a fact relating to herself. Why would your other friend be offended by this? !

Alisvolatpropiis · 12/02/2015 18:08

Yabu and your other friend is oversensitive.

camsie · 12/02/2015 18:13

YABU

laughingmyarseoff · 12/02/2015 18:14

I think people that jump from relationship to relationship can't be alone for whatever reason, the ones I've know it's been fear and desperation.

Your being over-sensitive though, both you and your friend, to be honest I'd have just rolled my eyes or probably just said 'we know, you can't be without a man.'

MaidOfStars · 12/02/2015 18:16

I cannot get my head around why you think your "don't do single" friend was being thoughtless.

Unless you think being single is shameful/embarrassing.

Massive overreaction, both you and single friend.

TwoOddSocks · 12/02/2015 18:56

I think she was being self deprecating since it was in the context of some loser guy she'd dated. A dig at herself not your single friend.