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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

... to still be annoyed with my friend after over a year?

18 replies

Philly83 · 11/02/2015 22:31

In my single days (my husband was then my boyfriend), I had a jokey crush on a neighbour and my friend and I used to joke about it. There was nothing to it - I thought he was good looking and we used to run into each other at work and social events. She then met up with him by chance one time when I was not there and decided to tell him (in great detail) about my "crush". I am not sure why she did it and she admitted that she would be incredibly annoyed if I did it to her.

Afterwards, she told me what she had done and I was absolutely mortified. I find things like this embarrassing at the best of times and struggled to laugh it off, but since then she and I have continued to be friends and see one another socially (although things have not really been the same as I made it quite clear at the time that she had upset me). I haven't seen him since and have been dreading meeting up with him as I am sure he now thinks I have a huge crush on him (my friend said that he took it quite seriously). He is married too. I have just found out that he has joined a sports club where my husband is a member and it looks like I am now going to have to see him socially again.

I know I should move on but I find stuff like this so cringe-worthy and can't seem to get over what my friend has done. Writing it all out it looks pathetic! Please tell me to pull myself together and get over it - I am hoping that once our first meeting is out of the way it will seem a lot less embarrassing!

OP posts:
RedSoloCup · 11/02/2015 22:36

Oh dear, this is why I don't tell people things, no-one can be trusted :(

TendonQueen · 11/02/2015 22:37

So how long ago did this actually happen? You've said you're married now. Presume your husband is not aware of the past issue? I would just blank the whole thing and treat him as you would any former neighbour when you meet. Once you've got the first time over it'll be a lot easier. Work out what your polite greeting is going to be so you can say it seamlessly.

Did your 'friend' ever explain why she'd done it? Friends don't normally deliberately embarrass one another in such a personal way. I wouldn't want to be around her either. Wonder if she had her own crush on him and hoped to look like the 'cool girl' by contrast?

WineIsMyMainVice · 11/02/2015 22:40

Pull yourself together and get over it.

pictish · 11/02/2015 22:42

Bet she'd had a drink.

Gaah - no it wasn't the best thing she could have done. I'd be mortified too.
I think you just have to brass it out. Be friendly to him. Pretend it never happened. What else can you do?

I hope your friend was suitably ashamed.

Philly83 · 11/02/2015 22:42

It was a couple of years ago now, around the time I got married.

Thanks for the responses, that has helped!

I think my main concern is that to me it was just jokey, but the way she said it to him made it seem serious.

Yup I told my DH at the time as I was upset about it and didn't want there to be any secrets between us. He was fine with me but just annoyed at my friend as his view is that it is humiliating for him as wellQ

OP posts:
Philly83 · 11/02/2015 22:43

And no she hadn't had a drink! I think she just likes being the centre of attention!

OP posts:
championnibbler · 11/02/2015 22:43

What she did was mean, i think. Has she no social skills at all? has she form for this kind of thing?

FarFromAnyRoad · 11/02/2015 22:45

If I were you I'd act as though it had never happened. Tell yourself it never did. If he ever refers to it just say you can't imagine where you friend got that idea from and that she was probably just making an excuse to talk to him since it was HER with the crush. And your friend? Seriously - that's no friend. Friends just don't do that shit to one another.

jimmycrackcornbutidontcare · 11/02/2015 22:45

Your friend sounds like a fool. I wouldn't particularly want to spend time with someone like that.

Viviennemary · 11/02/2015 22:47

Say she was the one who had the crush on him. I think you took it too seriously. Your friend does sound a bit of a trouble maker though.

winterland · 11/02/2015 22:47

just pretend it never happened. move on. he's unlikely to bring it up anyway.

pictish · 11/02/2015 22:47

She did that sober? Shock

TendonQueen · 11/02/2015 22:50

Definitely act as if it never happened then. If he were ever to refer to it, I would say it had always been a joke between you and your friend and you have no idea why she made it sound serious to him but it wasn't. I very much doubt he would want it to come up either though! Fake it till you make it with the cheerful not-bothered attitude.

SanityClause · 11/02/2015 22:50

You only have your friend's account of the story, and how "seriously" he took her revelations. He may have just been slightly amused, and flattered by the fact you think he is good looking.

Remember, you are now fairly newly married, so he is unlikely to think you are labouring under unrequited love for him.

You are right, the first time will be the worst. Just be bright and breezy, and pretend to yourself that your friend never spoke to him. Certainly never mention it to him.

I'm sure all will be fine.

pictish · 11/02/2015 22:50

Yeah you're safe. He's not going to bring it up.

Frusso · 11/02/2015 22:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dogsmom · 11/02/2015 23:00

Just act normally around him, it was just a crush and he was probably flattered and thought no more of it.
Would be a different matter if you'd come on to him or stalked him.

Whocansay · 12/02/2015 07:29

I he says anything to you, tell him that you can't talk to him as you wouldn't want him to get the wrong idea - your 'friend' told you that he fancied you... Grin

She's a cow and is not your friend. Don't worry about it though.

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