...after ten years to want/need more than this

[hatbobble]

So partner and I recently had our 10 year anniversary. He is a wonderfully caring ,helpful and supportive daddy to our children and I am so spoilt with practical help. BUT...i feel let down that he is not romantic and never buys be an anniversary card. I don't even mind so much that he forgot, not that he will admit it... so I ended up with a box of maltesers from Tesco bought in the afternoon of our anniversary. Am I being a spoilt brat? I think it just upsets me that he will not engage in this kind of thing although he knows how important it is to me. Things are not amazing with us he works FT self emloyed and I am a Student midwife...TMI but we have slept together twice in 6 months...

As 10 years is a big one - I'm not sure why you didn't plan something together? A special dinner (not necessarily out), or something nice at the weekend instead? If he is wonderful, caring etc then he sounds like a decent sort to be honest. I have never understood this concept that one partner should 'remember' as we always talk about it and agree on something between us

I don't know if misterdaly would ever forget my birthday or our anniversary - I've never given him the chance! He tends to ask me what I want for upcoming occasions and I tell him. The odd time he does throw in a little extra or some small kind of surprise but he generally asks me to give him a lead and I do.

So I definately agree with PP that the two of you would benefit from discussing in advance what your plans will be for special occasions. Set a budget for gifts, discuss which resaurant to make reservations for, or what takeaway you'll get, whatever you decide between yourselves.

It sounds like the romance has gone
Tbh I'm not surprised bring a student midwife & self employed you must both be knackered

If nothing else is wrong I wouldn't mind too much about cards & presents

But if you're worried about sex could you book a weekend away just the two of you childcare permitting

Or do date nights ?

The only sleeping together twice in 6 months would upset me far more op.

The lack of a card is not where the problems are in your relationship.
Try to work on the real problems rather than blame the missing romantic gestures.

Might be a stupid question; but is it your 10th wedding anniversary or the 10th anniversary of you getting together?

Either way, I kind of think that while anniversaries are lovely to celebrate, I know that if one of me or my husband forgot our anniversary it would be a bit upsetting, but we would laugh it off and move past it quite quickly. Guess what I am saying is that if the relationship is stable it is easier to move past these things.....so maybe working on the relationship as a whole is more important?

you both need to talk.
all is not lost, by any means.
i think both of you need to communicate more, make more effort with each other and make time for each other.
this could be restored into a very loving relationship, i think.

What did you plan/get for him? I agree with PPs who said, why not plan something together or at least discuss it?
TBH wanting to be 'surprised' with cheesy romantic gestures and expecting someone else just to do it spontaneously. particularly when you are both busy, is a bit precious.

Sex only twice in 6 months is defined as a sexless relationship. I'd be more worried about that- unless there are medical/health reasons.

I'd be disappointed with malteasers too even as an emergency he could have got decent chocolate!

I don't know what day our anniversary is and I would have to work out how long we'd been together., but it's more than 20 years. So I don't really think the remembering the anniversary is important by itself. But if my DH had told me how much it means to him and made it clear it was important to him to celebrate it, I would have set up any number of systems for making sure I remembered. So I think YANBU but, it isn't really the anniversary, it's that he doesn't seem to value your feelings. With the sex side too it might be worth trying a marriage counsellor or something and see if you can pull things back. I don't think you said how old your DCs are, but the years when they are young I think this sort of lull in a relationship is quite common. If you don't pull it back it's break up or years of misery ahead...