To be offended

[Pleasepassthewine]

I have 2 dcs. Dd is 6 and ds is 10. DS has a diagnosis on high functioning asd. I have a severely disabled father whom I help to look after. Dh has recently taken a job about 100 miles from home so he's away in the week and only back at weekends. My mum died some years ago. I had severe depression two years ago - just couldn't cope anymore.

So I'm managing on my own with my dcs. Ds is very anxious, he's statemented but school is hard for him. Last year he was at breaking point because of school. I have absolutely no support network at all. I look after the kids single handedly. My in laws are close by but choose not to get involved with my kids. They just don't 'get' Ds and when they do see him, they usually get cross with him. To say I feel resentful is an understatement.

So my MIL phoned my husband at work yesterday to complain that I hadn't sent her uncle a birthday card!! WTF?? :(

I trained dh to not repeat shit like that to me. ignorance is bliss with some people's opinions.

I do despair of people being offended because they did not receive a piece of folded a4 cardboard in the post.

So true Fryone that cards and presents are "wifework"! I'm still in relatively early days of my relationship with DH (4yrs) but the expectation from MIL that "as the woman" its my job is very clear... She got me a calendar for Christmas with everyone in DHs families birthdays and wedding anniversaries printed on it "so I won't forget"... I don't bloody forget! I simply have enough on my plate with my own family (no pressure from them on my DH to be organising cards and gifts btw... funny that!) working full time and having two young children. If DH doesn't want to send cards or gifts to his parents or siblings then that's his own decision to make. The fact that I now feel guilty about him not doing this makes me at myself more than anything! OP YANBU! Not at all!

Don't feel guilty about not doing this. Your MIL can expect it all she likes, but if she tries to talk to you about it, you just keep deflecting it. A calendar? Lovely, DH won't be able to forget now. It's auntie Mabel's birthday? You'll mention it to DH for organising something.

If she ever comes out and directly tells you it's your job? It's up to you what you want to say and how far you push the point, but I did tell my own MIL that I do my family and DP was responsible for his. I made it very clear, politely of course, that it simply wasn't my job.

Unreal.
Did you get a card from Great Uncle Bulgaria on your birthday??

hahahaha. I have no idea how many great uncles DH even has, not to mention sending them cards.

Does your mum call your DH complaining about your great uncle's birthday cards? Fuck the Wifework (good book though, should be required reading before marriage).