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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have responded to this facebook status

49 replies

deepbluesomething · 11/02/2015 07:32

Now I don't normally like to air dirty linen in public. Well unless annonymously on here. However, dh does put grumpy status updated on facebook. Anyway background we have 3dc. Dh works long hours so goes to bed about 9.30 and gets up at 6, gets himself ready and drives to work.I rarely get to bed before 11 as I get things ready for the next day, tidy kitchen and settle dd3 who is 2 1/2. I also do all night wakings. Dh is rarely up before me or even at the same time as me on the weekend. All this does annoy me abit but I know he works hard to bring in a good salary.
Anyway we had a fridgefreezer being delivered on Saturday. In actual fact we both got up. I posted a jokey ststud about having to be up at 7am is a pain on a Saturday morning. A few friends posted sympathetic equally jokey responses including one saying get dh to do it. He replied well I have to be up at 6 so I deserve to lie in at the weekends. I am not proud but I responded. I will swap you for having to wake up to deal with dd'd at night. (I also did virtually all night wakings for olderr 2 dds. Apart from a small period when I dealt with newborn and ds would deal with 2 year old. She was a good sleeper so it was rare.)
Now he has the hump. Wibu to respond.

OP posts:

Original poster

deepbluesomething · 11/02/2015 09:30

Between 6.00 and 7.00 depending on traffic as he has a long commute. So it is a long day (average 12 hours including commute) and I get he is tired but night wakings and getting two reluctant primary aged dc to school with a toddler is tow is tiring too. Yes I can nap when dd3 naps but recently she only tends to nap in car or pushchair when out so it really isn't an option. Think I just lost it after a particularly bad night eith dd3. She has a really bad cold at the moment and dh was having a restful night in a hotel as he was away on a work conference.
Hopefully we can come to an arrangement where we take it in turns for weekend lie in.

OP posts:

Scholes34 · 11/02/2015 09:37

Perhaps your DH could come on here and give us his views?

Laura0806 · 11/02/2015 09:38

ha that really isn't early. MY OH gets up at 5am and is usally up till 11pm helping me with things. I used to get up at 6.15am and commute when I just had 2 children and also did nighttime wakings. I think he needs to get a grip.WHy on earth can't he get up at 7am on sat morn once in a while? That said not a good idea to discuss via facebook!

Babycham1979 · 11/02/2015 11:55

Bizarre passive aggressive relationship!

If you each think the other has it so easy, why not swap? You can go out and earn the decent wage and he can stay at home with the children. Would you like that? No, I thought not.

SummerHouse · 11/02/2015 12:18

He is lucky to have you and the annoying thing is that he does not realise. Dont worry about what anyone else thought of it, it looks jokey and innocuous. YANBU. Also I don't think it was childish. HE STARTED IT!

Flingingmelon · 11/02/2015 12:21

I'd delete anyway. In a few months time when its all forgotten you'll probably come across it and be a bit cringe.

Enjoyingmycoffee1981 · 11/02/2015 12:39

By the sounds of it, there are five children in your family and no parents.

HatieKokpins · 11/02/2015 13:27

Dear god, I get up at 5.30am every day, and I'm still up till 10.30/11pm at night! He's a wimp. Also, don't row with your spouse on Facebook. Use Twitter instead, much more fun.

microferret · 11/02/2015 14:21

Cabbage, bit self righteous no? Well done for using FB "properly" unlike all us other plebs, your medal is in the post.

OP the whole thing was silly but this stuff happens on FB all the time and to ordinary observers I doubt it looked as terrible as you think. Agree with all other posters that FB isn't the most productive place for marital confrontation but then some of us find it hard to vocalise how we feel in real life. Tell your DH to sort it out and talk to you in person if he feels hard done by, and then you'll respond in kind. I can't really blame you for your response, he did wind you up by posting in the first place! It's not always easy to behave like a proper adult, as they say you're only young once but you can be immature forever

FrenchJunebug · 11/02/2015 14:50

Seriously you live together and air everything in public on facebook?! YA both VU

Original poster

deepbluesomething · 11/02/2015 15:19

No french this was a one off on my part anyway. Probably caused by tiredness after a couple of bad nights with dd3. Meanwhile dh is away from home getting 8 solid hours but he is more entitled to a lie in at the weekend as he is up so early during the week. He gets up one hour before me but I get to bed later.
I deleted the whole thing within an hour of posting my response so no real harm done. Proper talk tonight.

OP posts:

UnalignedAnt · 11/02/2015 15:20

I know a couple who do this on fb - their swipes are simultaneously irresistible and revolting. It makes for fun reading, but I guarantee you're being judged by anyone with access to your feed.

microferret · 11/02/2015 15:38

Poor OP, I swear some people just hover around the AIBU section just waiting to pounce and be all judgey. You and hubby are only human and we all make mistakes. Doesn't look like there was any harm done. If you want to see what an actual FB car crash looks like just have a browse of Failbook, you'll soon realise that your hiccup was seriously minor!

Original poster

deepbluesomething · 11/02/2015 16:26

babycham he doesn't have the patience or desire to swap roles and sadly I do not have the same earning potential. I do think he probably thinks I have an easier time though as he is not very proactive with dd3 when he does occassionally have full responsibility for her. I sometimes return to find her in a soiled nappy etc.

OP posts:

FringeDivision · 12/02/2015 13:46

Firstly I think you need to take it in turns to have a lie in at the weekend. He is not working harder than you - looking after small children and doing all the night wakings is hard work. Getting up at 6 is not that early - it's pretty normal actually and your h does not deserve to be treated like a little prince just because he has a job outside of the home!

Secondly, facebook is no good for relationships imo. You would be better off if you both deleted it and spent time with each other. Facebook brings out very childish behaviour. If you won't delete it, at least agree never to discuss/comment upon your relationship on there.

I also think you need to have a couple of evenings a week together. He can't slope off to bed at 9.30 every night and expect your relationship to last and be healthy.

MissDuke · 12/02/2015 16:19

I agree about taking turns to lie in! My husband and I have been doing so since dd1 was born, whether I was on maternity leave or at work. It is only fair!!!!

IT sounds like you two need a convo, and perhaps should deactivate fb.

Original poster

deepbluesomething · 12/02/2015 16:50

Was deleted within an hour of the post. well we have spoken. He now understands how I feel when he posts tic posts sniping at me or moaning about dd3 interfering with his sleep. She was 6 weeks old at the time. I still don't think he truly thinks I am as entitled as him to sleep. If he is tired he could crash the car. Me being awake for 2 solid hours in the early days was fine of course.
Tbf dds doesn't wake terribly early at the weekend anyway. so we both can lie in till 8ish anyway. It just annoys me that he won't surface until I have come down and sorted breakfast and changed nappies etc.

OP posts:

Original poster

deepbluesomething · 12/02/2015 16:53

I can't delete facebook as I have just started a small business which means I need a social media prescence. Hopefully lesson learnt.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 12/02/2015 16:56

OMG I'm literally cringing for the pair of you.

morethanpotatoprints · 12/02/2015 16:59

Maybe talk to him face to face rather than fb.

LadyRainicorn · 12/02/2015 17:00

I just can't get past the pampered 6 o'clock business. I really can't.

I don't mean to sound like a martyr but I had to get up at 6 and then have 12 hour commute/working day, and then have a night with breastfeeding kid. Not a tiny obvs, but still not more than 3 hours uninterrupted (then some more zzz). Dh also worked. We both did housework. We both mucked. From my perspective, your dh sounds lazy as fuck, always having the lie in.

Original poster

deepbluesomething · 12/02/2015 17:01

tbf I don't think many people would have seen my post as I quickly deleted and his worst post re dd3 was also deleted pretty quick after I said it didn't show him in a good light.

OP posts:

LadyRainicorn · 12/02/2015 17:10

Re the facebook I dunno - I use facebook in a weird keeping tabs sort of way on people (not healthy I know ) and I would have been agog. Much more fun than all those snide passive aggressive 'you know who your REAL friends are' type comments. At least everyone knows what the problem actually is! No vaguebooking

GatoradeMeBitch · 12/02/2015 18:34

You were both a bit childish, but he instigated it so I don't think you need to feel too bad!

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