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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For considering letting DD(16) go to a weekend festival?

48 replies

ThatsHandy · 11/02/2015 06:26

DD is 16, final year of school. She has asked if she can go to a (local- nearby city) weekender festival in the summer with two good friends, camping in a tent. Her boyfriend will also be there with his cousins (separate tent) so I know she'll be in a big group. They're all good kids, I've had a lot to do with all of them over the years and they're all sensible (well, AFAIK..!) and get on great. DD and BF have been together two years; he is a year older than her and working.
Basically I don't know if I would be being unreasonable to ask her to wait another year to go. Technically, she is allowed to leave home, get married, get a job etc so is it silly of me to try and stop her?
I'm just curious; have any of you been in this situation?
For the record, I trust her; we have a good relationship and talk about sex/drugs/ alcohol etc. She is really into the bands that are playing there so I have no doubt it is all about the music.
Plus my brother lives a ten-minute drive away from the festival location, so in case of an emergency he could be there straight away.
What do you think?

OP posts:

zippyandbungle · 11/02/2015 13:53

Dd1 went to Leeds last year she was 16 in July. They were a sensible bunch and loved it.
Tell her to arrange a meeting point when they go into the large stage areas. DD did this as the phone reception was really bad she has an old head on young shoulders and someone did get lost in the crowd but they managed to get to her at the prearranged meeting point.

Szeli · 11/02/2015 14:03

I'll be there working. Leeds is a bit rough but we've tried our best to make it as safe as possible, more CATs, on site Zone Manager offices, fire and security towers, well briefed security, covert police etc
Let her know, whatever state she or her friends get in it shouldnt be hard to find staff to help and please do try finding them, we have seen it before and they won't get in trouble, we're just trying to help.
Obviously, hopefully she won't take anything but if she does and gets into difficulties please tell us what she had taken so she can get the best help. Again she won't get in trouble.
Don't even go to the loo alone, drunk friends rarely stay still and pack her cereal bars.
If she needs to contact you she can visit my office for a quick mumsnet

Itsgoingtoreindeer · 11/02/2015 14:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

notquiteruralbliss · 11/02/2015 14:10

Definitely let her go. She is ( as people have said above) the perfect age to go to a festival without you. My eldest went to Reading for the first time, with friends, at 15 and loved it.

shovetheholly · 11/02/2015 14:11

I would beg you to let her go! I think it's a really, really fun thing for young people to do.

People always say that you can go at uni, but I couldn't. I was too busy working all night to pay my way through, and then working all day on my essays and reading (I was a swot!!). The cost of festivals was astronomical compared to my rent.

Let her enjoy one of the rite of passage experiences of being young!

Original poster

ThatsHandy · 11/02/2015 14:24

Thank you all for your replies. On the basis of what I've read from everyone I will probably let her go now.
I'm sure she will be fine :)

OP posts:

BestZebbie · 11/02/2015 14:43

Let her go - I grew up near the Glastonbury Festival and they used to close the school for a 'special inset day' on the day it started as so many pupils and teachers wanted to go - I went myself from age 15 and was completely fine and always felt safe/never had any dodgy circumstances.

Sadface1 · 12/02/2015 23:36

I went to Leeds Fest at 16 and survived (actually rang my dad to come pick me up because I needed a bath and decent food haha) but what I would say is Leeds Festival is the worst of all the ones i've been to in terms of drug use, people getting hurt and people being stupid (setting tents on fire etc). Wait till the V Fest line up comes out and 'suggest' that it looks better (chances are it will be anyway), and it's such a nicer, friendlier atmosphere.

MrsBennington · 12/02/2015 23:51

I went to Glastonbury for the first time at 16 with a work mate and her friends - camped all weekend. Amazing experience.

Times have changed and I'm not sure I would let my daughter or son do the same but then they are currently tiny so maybe think different by then?

defineme · 12/02/2015 23:57

My first festival was Reading when I was 15 and 25 years later I am still enjoying leeds etc.
However, my kids will not be going on their own at that age to leeds. Much more sensible festivals where tent won't be set on fire etc.
I would happily buy them a day ticket and collect them afterwards.
The campsites are mayhem with some hideously yobbish behaviourand the staff can only do so much.

My top tips if you do let her go are: never go anywhere alone; if you are trapped in the crowd and getting crushed saying excuse me doesn't work but shouting I am going to be sick parts the crowds miraculously and sleep with all your valuables inside your sleeping bag with you.

PavlovtheCat · 12/02/2015 23:57

Let her go. I remember being that age, and being devastated that my mum would not 'let me' go on holiday with my friends, also in the UK, planned properly, with addresses and locations, not too far away from home And I moved out of home not too long after that

I would prefer my children did their exploring in the safety of knowing I/their dad is there for them if they needed us to be there, while maintaining/encouraging independence. Mobile phones, drop them off/pick them up, increases communication.

You could always go yourself too and camp on the other side of the festival

PavlovtheCat · 12/02/2015 23:59

defineme I agree about large festivals such as Reading/Leeds etc, I would be more cautious. But smaller local festivals are a great introduction to festivals and it sounds like this type festival the OP is talking about? (correct me if I am wrong OP, as my opinion might vary a little if it's a big festival).

PavlovtheCat · 13/02/2015 00:01

oh, sorry, I read it was Leeds Festival, so ignore me. I would be more hesitant, as I have heard it's carnage there. BUT, it's still local to you, and lots of teens go to that festival, so I don't think I would outright say no, but maybe want her to keep in touch by phone a bit more.

MrsBigginsPieShop · 13/02/2015 04:16

As it's a smaller, local festival it sounds a great introduction. Suggest she packs lots of baby wipes, hand gel and extra socks. I also wouldn't believe the separate tent think. Just please advise her against a) sectioning off their tent area with tape so people can't walk through 'their' area and b) doing that bloody annoying balloon juice that a lot of younger festival goers seem to think is a good idea.

A big festival at that age though, no way. It's other people's behaviour that are the worry there. Not to worry you but drugs are easily attainable at most festivals. She needs to be a little more seasoned to go to a big festival and enjoy it - they can be hard work.

Mehitabel6 · 13/02/2015 08:18

Given the circumstances I would let her go. Give her sensible tips like the ones given by defineme.

PeachyParisian · 13/02/2015 08:22

Considering the amount of drugs present at festivals I wouldnt. 16 year olds, no matter how mature/responsible aren't well equipped to make good decisions. Especially if she's away from home with her peers. That being said you've said you trust her.

avocadotoast · 13/02/2015 08:24

I went to Leeds Fest when I was 16 too, another post-GCSE trip

We were fine but we did drink a lot and there were a lot of drugs kicking around (not necessarily amongst my friends, just in general).

It is a stupid festival (in terms of idiots messing around and being dicks) but if she's going in a big group and is sensible then she'll be totally fine.

Stinkle · 13/02/2015 08:39

We have a festival nearby and we go most years. I'd be perfectly happy for mine to go during the day, but the camping would be a no. It's only down the road so I'd pick her up/drop her off each day

I've been in the camping fields at ours, and as a local we hear things that perhaps other festival goers don't. I wouldn't camp there in a million years.

It's not the fact that she might drink and take drugs that bothers me particularly, if she's going to do it, she can go to a certain park any night of the week, but the idiot behaviour - entire tents being stolen, people shitting in other peoples tents, drunken behaviour, assaults, etc.

InThisTogether · 13/02/2015 09:23

yes, ley her go, she deserves it and the fact that you let her will mean she will be sensible. (ish)

sounds like good parenting to me! :)

NeedABumChange · 13/02/2015 09:30

At 16 there should be no "letting". Talk things through but she's at an age to make her own decisions surely? I went to reading at 15, it was super and I came home with virginity intact if that's what you're worried about.

funkybuddah · 13/02/2015 09:34

I started going at 15. I've taken my 13 yr old to reading festival for 5 years and my 7yr old for 2 years. I've already told 13yr old that I will buy them a ticket for post gcses . So I'd day yanbu festivals are huge corporate deals so safety is fairly strict.

DialsMavis · 13/02/2015 09:36

They all sound sensible and even if they are not, it's a right of passage. Let her go

iamjustlurking · 13/02/2015 09:59

Both my DD have gone to Reading Fest at 16 the older one has loved it and gone every year since.

DD2 glad she went but not keen to go back as not into drinking culture etc.

Totally agree it's a right of passage

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