To wonder how on earth you get back into employment...

[StrawberryTot]

... After years of looking after children.

Bit of back story, Ive only ever had 3 jobs in my life all prior to having DC and I left employment 9 years ago to take care of my first DC. Unfortunately the job I had wasn't remotely suitable for me to return to after maternity leave (night work and weekends, plus my partner worked weekends, as he was the main earner he had to keep working them, making him unable to care for DC during the day). Anyway fast forward a year I returned to college, had another DC, went on to Uni and graduated.

But now I'm struggling to even apply for jobs, as every job I find requires references, from employers, not friends and family. Which is a massive issue as only one of my old employers is still around, 2 of the businesses went into liquidation.

So AIBU to wonder how on earth you get back into employment after years of looking after children.

AIBU to think that I will never get a job so I can actually earn my own money and stop living off my husband and stop feeling like such a failure.

Have you considered volunteering?

Builds skills, gives you confidence and gets you references.

Temping?

Sorry I should have added in the first post that I also care for my father (he lives with me).
I do volunteer RJ, but can't give too much detail as it would most certainly out me. I attend events pretty much every month to raise money for charity, last year we as a group raised over 20k.

They do but they basically state I attended university and completed my degree. Nothing of substance.

Whoever you volunteer for should be able to give you a fantastic reference then!

You have been doing very valuable work for the past 9 years; please be confident about that, as you need the positivity to shine through.

It is a huge challenge... Best of luck to you

Viva wouldn't temping still require references, I've found even many voluntary positions require them too.

References mean nothing to me when employing. You usually can't take them up till after making an offer and lots of companies just give impersonal attendance references nothing personal.
I'd be happy with one from a university and one from a voluntary role.
Are you sure that references are your stumbling block?

You've just said you do volunteering. So whoever runs the group will be able to provide a great reference.

In terms of uni reference, I have been approached by students I taught many years ago. Especially those I remember (they've bothered to be connected with me on linkedin, I actually taught them and thought they were polite, attentive, contributed to class). Can you ask a tutor who might remember you?

Last time I temped was 7 years ago but I didn't need references.

IME it wasn't so much the lack of recent reference as the gaping great hole in my CV that caused problems, because raising children isn't seen as useful or (unpaid) employment by many employers. It was just seen as me having several years out of the job market with nothing to show for it.

Tbh the best way I found to get beyond the gap and lack of references was to set up a community group to volunteer with, then start my own business as that way I could fit the hours in around DH's varied work hours as well.

Refs - off the people you volunteer for? Also, the companies you worked for that got liquidated, their staff will still be around and probably on Linked In website for contacts/job reasons. Look them up on there? Get registered there yourself, i got 2 temp jobs through there and they asked me not vice versa.

Try temping, get in on a bog standard role and prove good and they keep you on. I have stayed on at 3 top ten banks after initially turning up for a very low downthe food chain holiday cover role. Also, magic words on a CV to recruitment companies are 'I can start immediately'. Why? Companies stagger on for a while , try to reallocate the work for a role to others by splitting it up and covering the work that way then find it doesnt work: then find at last minute actually there is now just enough left in the budget, but get in quick before year end and it gets reabsorbed, hence Feb/March pick up in immediate start roles. Good luck!

It's a bit hit and miss as to what employers use references for thesedays.
I now only provide and expect a reference to confirm that person x worked there from x date to x date as an x.
All a reference should do is prove you didn't lie about holding such and such a job at such and such a place. All the old fashioned stuff about "gets on well with colleagues, trustworthy and honest" is so useless to a new employer and a legal grey area anyway, that kind of thing is on it's way out I think.
So yes a volunteering reference, uni reference and even one from your DF if he is able to give it, should be fine!
Time spent caring for DC and DF is also fine-just talk in terms of "skills" you used and learned from it (multitasking, prioritising, budgeting, etc)

I don't think references are what is holding you back. I always put 'References provided upon receipt of offer.'

I think you are experiencing is employers being picky. Start to network. When you see an open position think through the people you know and see if there is someone in your network who can email your CV to the hiring manger and HR. This has worked without fail for me.

Keep your resume short and list relevant experience. Put your volunteering down as relevant experience and elaborate on what you have done. The don't need to know it isn't a paid position. I put years down for relevant experience and it hides most small gaps.

I am about to hand in my notice to stay home with the DC but I am going to keep my hand in by doing tax returns at year end. It won't pay much but should help keep me a little current. If I work for the same place every year I would include those as all under one employer. I will also be working for a charity on a volunteer basis (its about 5 hours a month). It is pro bono but hides that I am actually out of the workforce. Most charities pay someone to perform those duties.

I've employed a few 'returners'. The ones who are interesting to us are those who make the most of their prior experience, and who have done something to update their skills and demonstrate they are serious about returning to work. So the degree and voluntary experience would be ideal. Looking for a graduate entry level job shouldn't be a problem - you are competing against a lot of youngsters without much work experience either, and less overall life experience as well.

It is amazing how many jobs (often the most interesting and flexible ones) are never formally advertised. People get them by networking, through friends, and friends of friends. Sometimes a job doesn't even exist until the employer meets you, likes you and decides they can use you. The great thing about these kind of jobs is that references tend to be less important. Also, employers in these situations seem to be more open to doing things like trial periods.

I agree with PP: sign up with a temp agency and network. I was out of FT workforce for ~ 16 yrs. Did a lot of volunteering. Held short-term employment stints. Even had my own tutoring company for awhile. When I re-entered workforce more seriously, I was very upfront about being SAHM for many yrs. I also was very clear that I was willing to step in at any level, work part-time or full-time, etc. I would be flexible. Ended up in dream position.

The hardest part was actually taking first step - writing resume and getting it out there. I had so many concerns about my lack of continued employment, etc. I had so many mental barriers that I put up. The reality once I got out there was much better than I had expected.

Give it a go and just try!