Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Airing dirty laundry on facebook

26 replies

Eminybob · 10/02/2015 08:29

Someone I'm friends with on Facebook, an ex-colleague, has recently split up with her husband as he has left her for another woman.

She's obviously very upset, understandably so, but she has played out the whole sorry ordeal out publicly on Facebook. From an announcement that he is a cheating rat, to pleas for him to come back to her, to drunken pics and rants, and last night, sharing pictures of the ow, with her name and name calling.

She's a lovely woman but I'm so embarrassed for her, she's making herself into the victim and quite frankly making a bit of a fool of herself.

I don't speak to her away from Facebook, but I feel I should say something,to make her realise that this isn't the way to remain dignified. Or aibu? it's probably not my place to say and I'm sure her "real" friends have already tried to talk some sense into her.

OP posts:

Altinkum · 10/02/2015 08:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Eminybob · 10/02/2015 08:48

You are totally right, of course. I have just re read my op and realised how horribly judgmental it sounds.

I just meant that I know her as a strong independent woman, and I feel like her ex is winning seeing how upset he has made her.

I have offered my support when she first posted.

OP posts:

LadyLuck10 · 10/02/2015 08:52

Yanbu but she is probably acting out of hurt, pain, anger and much more. She is the victim btw.

Only1scoop · 10/02/2015 08:53

I'm cringing for her....

SaucyJack · 10/02/2015 08:59

I think YABU. I like to think that I wouldn't do similar if DP left me for another woman, but who knows?

Facebook is for sharing your life with your friends, and if your life is currently a bit shit it's as valid a thing to post as anything else.

I quite like the human touch really (and I like laughing at the new slags)

Can't stand drama queens or vague bookers tho.

MarchEliza · 10/02/2015 09:10

I don't think you are being unreasonable as she is likely to regret some of this behaviour - understandable though it may be. However, you say you don't know her away from Facebook so I don't think you are a close enough friend to open the subject with her - if you do you may even make her feel worse, as if everyone is talking about her crass behaviour behind her back - and at this time, that's the last thing she needs.

On another note: "the new slags"?? - nice...

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 10/02/2015 09:12

YABU - marriage break ups are horrendous. I'm going through one and sometimes I'm ashamed to say I may have a vent on fb if I'm having a really low day.

Just ride with it, or hide her posts, I'm sure she'll calm down when she's in a better place.

shovetheholly · 10/02/2015 09:13

I think we live in an age where people are increasingly comfortable with displaying their misery in public. While I find it disconcerting at times, I'm not sure it's such a bad thing. It does mean that others are aware and can offer support in ways that just didn't happen twenty years ago.

Most people will react sympathetically, realising that the person is in pain and not thinking straight, and trying to help. I don't think questioning the behaviour as 'undignified' really helps - it's just the new modern.

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 10/02/2015 09:16

I'm cringing for her as well. Previously it'd only be your best friend, probably, who would get he rants, crying and drunken late night phone calls when you're hurting that bad, but now it's out there in the public domaine.

Hope things get better for her soon, but YANBU that it's not good for her, or anyone really, do to all that in public.

BuzzardBird · 10/02/2015 09:26

Poor woman, she is going to feel so bad about this in the future but she has found somewhere to vent and hopefully her friends are supporting her.

Feel very uncomfortable about her naming and shaming the OW though. Sometimes the OW can be a victim too.

'The new slags' is just horrible.

SaucyJack · 10/02/2015 09:29

Whatevs Buzzard. I happen to think sleeping with someone else's husband is pretty horrible meself.

pictish · 10/02/2015 09:35

Yabu. I wouldn't dream of doing what she has, but it is fair to say that people use fb in different ways, and every one of us is aware of how public it is.
I have no doubt she'll regret letting her emotions get the better of her and putting it all out there, but it's her mistake to make, and it's not like she doesn't know what she's doing. She knows everyone can see it.

pictish · 10/02/2015 09:37

See...if it was a good friend of mine, I'd risk it and give her a call saying "hold back on the fb woman!"...but an ex colleage? No. My intentions might be good, but the relationship isn't of a nature where you might feel pk to intervene.

pictish · 10/02/2015 09:37

*ok

Original poster

Eminybob · 10/02/2015 09:39

It's such a horrible thing for someone to go through. I just don't understand the need to do it publicly. I suppose it's just something I would never do, but everyone hurts in their own way.

You are right, I won't say anything to her, I'll just reiterate my support.

OP posts:

Awakeagain · 10/02/2015 09:43

I don't mind a bit of dirty laundry getting aired on fb (because I am nosey!) but do think it's taken to the extreme by some people and perhaps in this case she seems to have forgotten just how many people can see it!
Suppose her fb profile perhaps shows a truer picture of her life rather than those where people are all smiles having an amazing time (when you know in reality they're not!)

BuzzardBird · 10/02/2015 09:47

I agree Saucy but I don't know whether the OW knew he was married. IME these sort of men tend to embellish a tad.

Bluepants · 10/02/2015 09:48

Well a marriage breakup hurts like hell, particularly when there is cheating involved. So I can understand the feelings she has. I do not understand why people use Facebook at all. Don't think in your position you can tell her to step away from Facebook but it would be nice if someone close did.

RandomNPC · 10/02/2015 10:43

She might well regret in in the future. She can always go back and delete her posts if she decides to though.

pressone · 10/02/2015 11:12

I think a lot of the taboos about mental health in this country are because the expectation is that you will keep a stiff upper lip and keep a dignified silence when the truth is that your world is crumbling. I am now a very heart on the sleeve person and I feel much better for not keeping things bottled up. I have no fears about telling people that I am angry/upset/suffering/not coping (not as an introduction "Hi I'm pressone and I am depressed") and I find that people are very supportive (if surprised) and it helps me cope with my depression much better than when I treated it as a secret that I had to deal with alone.
I hate facebook but applaud raging against the coming of the night.

TookALittleLongWayRound · 10/02/2015 17:33

I don't do it. Won't ever do it and cringe when others do however, I wouldn't say anything. Possibly would offer support privately but otherwise leave her to it.

Some people need to get it out their system and that is how they like to do it.

Bettybodybooboo · 10/02/2015 17:37

I hope there's no children involved.

Poor lady can understand but obviously you are right op.

brokenhearted55a · 10/02/2015 17:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SallySolomon · 10/02/2015 18:04

I love people airing dirty laundry on FB ('cos I'm a nosy cahhh ) although I'd never do it myself.
I just post loads of banal crap instead to annoy everyone with!

usualsuspect333 · 10/02/2015 18:09

If it's helping her get over the cheating scumbag, then good on her.

Flip

1 2