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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be fed up that h is ill on his days off?

38 replies

Usernamerunningout · 08/02/2015 21:24

Since Christmas my h has been feeling run down, nothing major but tired, headache, sore throat etc.

He works 4 days a week and has the weekends and a different day during the week off each week. He has been going into work every day, but every day he's not at work he's either been on the sofa or in bed. He is not partaking in family life at all.

In the beginning I had sympathy, then advised that he saw doc, and I am now fed up.

Yet another weekend he has done nothing with the family or around the house.

I work mon-fri.

If he's too ill to do anything at home I say he needs to either stay off work and recouperate properly and/or see the GP, otherwise if he can manage to work he can do stuff around the house (put on a load of washin, stack the dishwasher etc)

AIBU and should I be more sympathetic?

OP posts:

OnGoldenPond · 08/02/2015 23:12

I was like this a couple of years ago.Constantly feeling grotty but had to drag myself into work as I didn't get paid if sick and could not afford to lose the money. I spent all free time sleeping and trying to get strength to face the working week.

However turned out I had a serious illness and delaying going to GP was nearly fatal. So drag your DH to doc by his ears if need be as this needs checking out.

sosix · 08/02/2015 23:21

There is a nasty bug going round. Ive been ill for 3 weeks still not 100%. Ive been sleeping loads.

Brandysnapper · 08/02/2015 23:33

That's a cautionary tale, Ongoldenpond! Hope you are ok now.

Original poster

Usernamerunningout · 09/02/2015 06:38

Ongolden that's my fear of I show no sympathy. But I suspect he's more like unlucky's!

He's up and off to work now, so i'll see what he's like by day off. Then get him along to doc if necessary.

OP posts:

bigbluestars · 09/02/2015 06:47

Ultimatum- either he sees a GP or you stop facilitating his behaviour.

If he won't see a GP then stop cooking for him and cleaning his clothes.

Stealthpolarbear · 09/02/2015 06:52

Esio what would happen if they both had that attitude "well at least there's an income coming in"?

YANAgurl1973 · 09/02/2015 07:33

Is he just saying he's I'll to get out of doing anything?

OnGoldenPond · 09/02/2015 07:46

User - either he is ill or swinging the lead

Both situations can be dealt with by dragging along to doctor and not taking no for an answer

When I was ill my head was in such a fog that all I could focus on was dragging myself through the working day. Never occurred to be to go to the doctor . Mind you DH never suggested it, just told me off for being grumpy on Xmas day, so your DH has less excuse.

I'm completely recovered now, thanks, but it was a close one

Marynary · 09/02/2015 07:58

If he isn't normally lazy I would be worried that he is quite ill if he has been like this for a month. He may be going to work but that doesn't mean that he is doing a good job when he gets there. Don't be less sympathetic because he won't go to the doctor as he may be worried that he has something serious that the doctor can do nothing about.

Humansatnav · 09/02/2015 08:00

I find it difficult to take time off work and on occasion I come in and go straight to bed, bit if I feel grotty for more than a week I see a dr.

tiggytape · 09/02/2015 08:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

esiotrot2015 · 09/02/2015 13:31

I admit I posted in haste

However at my work we're all threatened with imminent redundancy & it's a process of who has been off sick the most :-(

So at the moment is rather stay in bed all weekend and go to work Monday iyswim
It's a bit raw so my post may have come across cack handedly

apostropheuse · 09/02/2015 20:56

I think it's crucial that he sees his GP. He needs to rule out a physical illness as it's not normal to be constantly felling the way he does. Having a sore throat and headaches for all that time isn't right; his body should surely have been able to fight off the infection by now. It could be that he literally has no strength to do anything other than his job as it takes so much out of him.

It could be that he has a virus that is simply taking some time to clear up - or it could be something very serious - or nothing at all, but until he seeks medical help nobody will know that.

If he does prove to be physically ok then perhaps the doctor will look at mental health issues. Perhaps stress-related? Depression?

If, after ensuring he has no physical or mental illnesses, he doesn't start to get more involved in family life then of course you would be completely reasonable to insist that he does.

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